Dear Rob,
Remember us? Yeah… it’s been awhile. We’re still here. Well, we’re not here but we’re here, on That’s Normal. It’s pretty cool over here. We don’t talk about you as much but we get to talk about other hotties like Joe Lando & other Brits like Sam Palladio. But we have to be honest…. We miss you a little bit. Enough to do a little research & find out what you’ve been up to. I mean… it’s been so long… we used to know EVERYTHING and now….. are you still using that bear-skin rug with that girl you were dating? What’s her name again? Do you see Dean every day? How’s Dick Pattinson & the girls?
Anyway, we put our heads together because two are better than one, to figure out just what you’ve been up to these days…..
Survive the Drought with a Draught
Bekah: It’s been a while for us and Rob Pattinson
Nikki: Draught
Bekah: I know. Wait.. Do you mean drought? I think Draught is a beer. Which is also appropriate talking about Rob. Are you saying you’re getting a draught of Heineken?
Nikki: I was saying we’re in a Ron drought of our (and his) own making! Remember when he went to like EVERY LA restaurant with KStew in a week’s time in November??? Those were the days… not suspicious at all… I mean what has he been up to??
Bow tie or Regular Tie?
Bekah: Without doing ANY research– tell me one thing you think you know about Rob from the last few months… anything?
Nikki: the one thing I know for sure about Rob: Cosmopolis is coming out on DVD and the marketing people at Canal REALLY want to know if you like Rob in a bow tie or regular tie on their Facebook page (for the record: regular tie)
Bekah: Did you see him on the Golden Globes cuz dayum. It almost made me want to start writing on LTR again. Until I remembered all those 2:30 am nights fixing broken sidebars on the blog and trying to come up with content while starting at GQ Rob for the gazillionth time for inspiration…
Nikki: OH yes i saw him on the golden globes! thats the other thing i know about Rob. he got a sketchy hair cut
Bekah: Really? I didn’t notice! (Dude… can you believe my FAV photoshoot of his is like… 4 years old? wasn’t that the spring of 2009?)
Nikki: yes thats like 4 yrs old and THATS the photo they used of Rob in a regular tie on the cosmopolis facebook thing! PS Why do I still “like” Cosmopolis on Facebook??
Bekah: SEE .. I’m not the only one still using that for inspiration! I look at it right before I have to do a presentation at work too! By “it” I mean the huge 4’x 5′ poster I have of it on my southward facing wall. (my westward facing wall has the acrylic painting I did of it last year at my “painting with a twist” class. We were supposed to do a take on Monet but after 4 glasses of Wine I looked at my painting and realized I ended up DOING GQ Rob instead)
Nikki: How do you get anything done after looking at it? Does he give you any advice?
Bekah: His advice is usually “Leave your dead end job. Remember when you did more important things with your time like cut out life-sized versions of me in my underwear and showed me on the red carpet?” And I’m like “I know.. I know Rob… but people need their hot tubs. HOW WILL THEY GET HOT TUBS WITHOUT ME TO MARKET TO THEM?” He hasn’t had a good answer yet. It’s a toughie. I get it
Nikki: does he then ask if you will send him some bromine coupons?
Nikki: This is making me want to change my desktop wallpaper from JT’s suit & tie pic to GQ Rob for old times sake.
This is what he looks like after sex
Nikki: so what else has Rob been up to?
Bekah: I think he signed on to a new movie. Let me check Robsessed.
Nikki: Okay- go to the experts
Bekah: WHOA. Robsessed is doing this “365 Days of Rob” post— They are SERIOUSLY posting shit about him every day.. WHO DOES THAT?
Nikki: haahahha.. ummm.. WE DID?
Nikki: Also I just went to research and this is the first thing I saw:
It’s just like Rob to remind us that he’s a total doof after we got all hot and bothered about him in GQ
Bekah: right… that’s what he looks like after sex. just remember it. That’s what he looks like when he’s about to touch your breasts
Nikki: HAHAHA I love that our research on Rob begins and ends at Robsessed.
Bekah: always
Remember that vampire movie?
Nikki: So Breaking Dawn Pt 2 comes out on March 2- finally Summit agrees to let us cry in the privacy and comfort of our own homes. Also it’s easier to eat a pint of Cherry Garcia on my couch then drag it to a movie theater
Bekah: It’s cheaper buying it at your local Wawa than paying $15 a pint at the AMC. And also the re-release of BD part 1 with some deleted scenes.
Bekah: more deleted honeymoon scenes? Of All Rob hopefully? Maybe they shot the same scenes MIDNIGHT SUN style.
Nikki: Ya i hope it’s the reverse of Bella getting ready for the sex. it should be Edward’s POV. He sprays some breath spray in his mouth, does 4 push ups then forgets the condom– cut to bella walking out of the room to meet him on the beach. BOOM. There’s your deleted scenes
Bekah: Then does a motivational speech in the mirror a la Hugh Grant in Love Actually. Puts on the Pointer Sisters. Dances to Jump
Nikki: BOOM. There’s your deleted scenes
Rob on the Barbie
Nikki: So why was Rob in Austrailia?
Bekah: he WAS?
Nikki: besides petting koala’s and visiting our friend Abby from Twilightish
Bekah: Did his horoscope say “Will get sudden urge to travel in the wilderness and down a few “shrimp on the barbie”” last month?
I mean we did get this letter….. is there any truth to it?
Or is someone REALLY behind on his pop culture news (yep– HIM.. This letter came from “Charles”) Maybe he just learned about how that old guy hood winked kristen for real?
I mean… I think about how she got hood winked a couple times a day AT LEAST but i guess that’s just me..
Nikki: i love when people bring in horoscopes. You know they’re extra crazy.
Bekah: Or.. it’s true and Rob and Kristen are on the rocks and he went to Australia to escape the paps. Maybe Nicole Kidman offered her home as a refuge this time— he’s shacking up in all the A-listers actress’ homes. while they aren’t there.
Nikki: Maybe that’s Rob’s plan… Depend on hollywood starlets to let him stay in their homes for weeks at a time to “hide” from the big bad mean paps and he never has to pay rent!!?? I wish I had Hollywood Starlet friends so I could live rent free.
ALSO what grown ass man sits like this in public:
looks like he’s on that “Squatty Potty” thing. Not a sexy look.
Bekah: nope but a guy who makes that face in the above crazy photo does- only Rob would get so shitfaced at a GG party that he’d start to act like a 22 year old frat boy. Wonder if he asked Meryl Streep if she wanted to wear “beads”
Nikki: too bad Meryl wasn’t there. turns out it was Lena Dunham’s grandma
Bekah: yeah Meryl would’ve been down
Woof
Nikki: OHHHH i know why Rob’s in Australia… besides hanging out with Abby. He’s filming “Rover”
Bekah: ohhhhh– that’s a movie about a dog?
Nikki: so there’s that mystery solved. I think it’s about the mars space rover (or maybe just a new range rover commercial)
Bekah: Maybe a guy who wants to be an astronaut so he names his dog “Rover” and it’s about his mission to go to space and drive a range rover on another planet? That sounds like something Rob would sign on to. Really marketable
Nikki: Yes. It’s about that.
We miss you,
UC and Moon Bekah & Nikki <— still feels weird
Thanks to Robsessed for most of those images. Especially the top image.
