There is nothing more annoying than things that become too popular on social media like Follow Friday (we’ve cancelled it for eternity FYI), Throwback Thursdays or Wacky Wednesdays, right? We agree. But that’s not stopping us from starting Throwback Thursdays here on TN. Mostly because it’s a good excuse to write about JTT
Dear Jonathan Taylor Thomas, (I know how your imdb says you hate being called JTT)
When I was 13 you were the ONLY boy on my radar. No pimply boys from my middle school- homeschool group science class stood a CHANCE with me with you on my mind [are you picturing an awkwardly skinny 13 year old with big glasses, braces and a couple tissues stuffed in her bra? Good. You got me perfectly]
I remember the first time I saw you on Home Improvement like it was yesterday. My parents heard that this TV show would be family-friendly and so we sat together the 5 of us in front of the TV and I saw you– I wasn’t even 10 years old but I felt something MOVE inside of me. It’s the same feeling I’d later have for Leonardo Dicaprio, Shane West and Rob Pattinson except they were kinda almost men & you were just a little boy [which back then was TOTALLY appropriate but looking back at your pictures now makes me feel uber creepy.] Turns out that feeling was what it’s like to have a crush. And like your voice changing as you aged, my crush for you changed too. Gone were the chaste dreams of “running around a playground, letting you pull my long tangled homeschool hair” and in came the deep desire to play footsies under the table, hold hands and maybe even gasp kiss a little bit (no tongue! I was saving french kissing for marriage)
I mean I still almost get that gooey feeling inside of me now looking at this picture even today. And have a strong annoyance for that younger brother and D-bag older one.
There is so much I want to know, so I dug through the very little information known out there about JTT to put together a quick guide of what you’ve been up to.
What do you look like now?
I’ve seen ONE picture of you from the past 5 years. It was from 2011 and apparently you stopped growing in your early teens because IMDB puts you at 5’5″ or 5’6″ TOPS (which is fine by me! I’m not tall either!).
You turned 31 in September which reminds me that you being just 1 year older was another reason I thought we were perfect together (The other being my dad made as many fart jokes as your TV dad, so we could “understand” each other. Also I really loved The Lion King)
Are you still smart?
You started out at Harvard, but graduated from Columbia, so you were either not smart enough to cut it at Harvard or just really wanted to go to two Ivy League schools.
Are you gay?
There was a rumor that you were gay that went around a few years ago but all the research I did [are you picturing me deep into “IS JTT GAY?” message boards & forums scouring the 8 pt font in threads 36 + pages deep looking for any clues to their validity? Great. You got me perfectly yesterday at work] leads me to believe it was only a rumor and you’re just another straight, short former child star. But you still GOT it, man! “Kiki Heart” from gayinfosource.blogspot (it exists) said:
When addressing the gay rumors yourself back in 2000, you said, “What startled me was how willingly people accepted it….” to which I respond with a big arrow pointing down to this photo I used to have hanging on my bedroom wall.
Are you okay?
Nikki & I were discussing you in anticipation for today & she wondered if you were okay. I mean, there’s been NO news of you since you appeared on Veronica Mars in 2005? Did Kristen Bell scare you with her love of sloths? If you google ME you’ll find pictures of what I did last week– but googling YOU only brings up old posters from Teen Beat and your one surviving fansite JTTarchive.net featuring an epic design that rivals the Joe Lando fansite we’re all now very familiar with:
Are you okay? What are you doing with your life? You went to Columbia, so I thought I might find you as the CEO of some company waiting to connect on LinkedIn– nothing. How is it that someone I spent so much time thinking about in my childhood can’t even be found for a follow-up?
JTT [or JTT’s mom who probably has a google alert set up for him]: won’t you come out from wherever you are hiding & tell us what you’ve been up to? What does a former Teen Beat cover boy do in his spare time? What are you doing with all The Lion King money? Do you ever talk to Zachery Ty Bryan or Taran Noah Smith? Do you think of Tim Allen every time you go into a Home Depot? Do you get recognized on the street anymore? Do girls my age throw themselves at you to fulfill their tween fantasies?
Don’t keep us guessing anymore!
Did you love JTT? What former childhood or teen crush do you wish you you could fulfill a tween fantasy with of holding hands after lunch and/or kissing without tongue?