But I love y’all too much to leave this wonderful, weird place without a few closing remarks.
First off, you are my people. The women of That’s Normal are the family I choose. I have been working on a piece about crystals — yes, I’m into crystals now — so let me leave you with the most important takeaway from that post: If you can only pick one crystal, pick rose quartz. Pick the crystal of the that opens the heart. Pick the crystal of love. Love is the most important thing, and the reason we found each other is because we all love the same delightful shit.
We love Regency romance. We love Outlander. Some of you love a little niche story called Harry Potter. We love The Bachelor. We love Hillary Clinton, and we love ElizaBEST Warren. We love fantasy, Marvel, My Favorite Murder, Twilight, and eating.
You know you have found your people when you meet Sam Heughan in person and the best part of the night is eating nachos with Beth Thorne.
Fuzzy Balls Are Life
Back in 2014, Lorena asked if I would like to write about The Hot Guys of the French Open for That’s Normal. I have never felt more seen by another human being. If you follow me here, you know I love to write about tennis. That is because tennis — according to Andre Agassi — is a beautiful metaphor for life.
“It’s no accident, I think, that tennis uses the language of life. Advantage, service, fault, break, love, the basic elements of tennis are those of everyday existence, because every match is a life in miniature. Even the structure of tennis, the way the pieces fit inside one another like Russian nesting dolls, mimics the structure of our days. Points become games become sets become tournaments, and it’s all so tightly connected that any point can become the turning point. It reminds me of the way seconds become minutes become hours, and any hour can be our finest. Or darkest. It’s our choice.”
I am most happy that TN has given me the space to be an outspoken defender of Serena Williams, the greatest tennis player of all time. Not once have Bekah or Nikki told me to hold back in fangirling Serena’s importance to the game, to feminism, to motherhood, and to our culture.
Not once have Bekah and Nikki told me to hold back on anything, because they are amazing women who support other amazing women…especially this tired and ornery 46-year-old woman. (Spellcheck keeps wanting to change “ornery” to “horny,” and I will accept that because it’s Scorpio season and I will eat you alive.)
Rose Gold Basic Bitch Baller to the End
As I write this, I’m drinking a glass of rosé while wearing rose gold Birkenstocks. I’m keeping it basic up until the very end. Also, I’m getting quite tipsy, so here is a quick list of what I am most proud of having written for you (not related to TENNIS):
- I Hate Betsy Devos’s French Manicure
- My Heart Hurts and My Boob Itches: A Breakup How-To Guide
- Mike Pence Thinks We Are Business Sluts
- What I Eat in a Day! aka None of Your Fucking Business!
- Well, Actually… Outsplaining Outlander
- My 3-Part Re-Kilting series
Wrap It Up!
Celine Dion said it best when she said, “My heart will go on.” Y’all are a part of my heart. You are the Omega-3 to my soul.
I want to say goodbye with two things. The first is my favorite poem, the only poem I know 100% by heart.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –That perches in the soul –And sings the tune without the words –And never stops – at all –And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –And sore must be the storm –That could abash the little BirdThat kept so many warm –I’ve heard it in the chillest land –And on the strangest Sea –Yet – never – in Extremity,It asked a crumb – of me.– Emily Dickinson
The other thing is the best video of all videos ever made. Rafa and Roger, giggling together. As my 7th grade math teacher, Mrs. Eason, used to say, “Peace. God bless. And you may go.”