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There I was, out on Cape Cod this weekend, trying to enjoy a rum drink in the sun. I was relaxing, being lazy and reading a People magazine when my relaxation evaporated when I flipped over to this page:
Look here! 90210 alum Tiffani Thiessen tells us what she eats in a day. WHAT HOT GARBAGE IS THIS???
First, the fact that this page exists is maddening. Stop policing women’s bodies and what we put into them.
Second, this is meant to be aspirational and it’s not. 1,083 calories?! This is barely disguised thinspo, and it’s gross. The “dietitian” Keri Glassman says that the meals are “impressively well rounded.” I guess because avocados and salami slices are technically round? And she wishes that Tiff added some almonds to increase her calorie count. Because 6 almonds would maybe take her to 1,100 calories. Phew! I’m stuffed just thinking about it!
Third, when you are starving, stuff your face with a watery, fibrous food that makes you forget you are starving. Plus fresh lemon! It’s almost too decadent!
This “thinspired” me to take a look at what I’m eating, so I can see how I am a big fat failure. I don’t count calories, I don’t drink protein shakes, and worst of all, I don’t eat avocado toast (first invented by Kelly Ripa in 2013).
Why is my purse so big? To carry my tears of shame. Tiffani eats well 80% of the time. I only eat well 13% of the time. This is a pure estimate as I do not have any food tracker apps or a Fitbit that judges me.
Suggestion: The real What I Eat in a Day feature should really just be celeb women saying, “None of your fucking business.”