Relive all the strife with the top 5 moments of Vikings – Full Moon:
Last week Floki brought his flock to the glorious shores of his magical gods land, and instead of fawning over his promised land of milk and honey, his peeps looked around at the barren hellscape, and were more like this:
Whachu talking ’bout, Floki?
The discovery of gods-provided hot baths quashes the brewing revolt (for now), because: HOT TUBBING!!!!
Floki, flush with his win, proposes his grand vision of life under an autonomous collective, where no man rules over another. But some of the cult members aren’t buying his everyman schtick, thinking he’s going to crown himself king after all. Watch you back, Floki. Watch your back.
Sins of the father
With war looming amongst brothers, Ubbe is committed to fighting to preserve his father’s legacy. While you may think that means Ragnar’s dream of a sprawling Nordic empire, it seems he was actually referring to Ragnar’s legacy of being kind of a pig.
Bjorn is back from the Mediterranean, and it seems that his restlessness extends from travel to relationships, as he throws over 2 time baby-mama Torvi for some Sami(?) tribe princess WHO HAS NOT SAID ONE WORD TO HIM. And if that isn’t skeevy enough, he uses his mom as his wingman to seal the deal- yuck! What is wrong with you, Bjorn?
Except for Lagertha just barging up to the Sami King, and laying it all out: “My son wants to have sex with your daughter, mmkay?” That was kinda cool.
“Promising marriage the hot chick you haven’t even met” ends predictably when the princess turns out to be a kinky, rope-obsessed nut job. She ties Bjorn up, and basically threatens to chew his balls up before assaulting him, which, incidentally, brings the count of questionably kosher sexual encounters this season up to 4. Meanwhile Ubbe (himself the product of Ragnar’s dirty-cheater dalliance with Aslaug), swoops in and kisses the recently jilted Torvi, with whom he has had zero previous interactions. Cue Britney again:
Magrethe witnesses the transgression, fueling her free-floating, multi-subject jealous wrath, and cementing her plan to kill Lagertha and Bjorn and take the throne. Seriously Ragnar, what have you wrought with your wandering eye ways?
Alfred’s A+ Trolling
Floki isn’t the only hippie people power character this week. Alfred arrives at the Abbey from which Athelstan received his training/was abducted by Ragnar. Instead of finding a connection with his father, he finds that he is sick of the monks elitist Latin crap and Ragnar-haterism. He ends up going full-Jesus on the Priest, and accusing him of keeping the word of God from the people to secure his cushy job. Apparently, this is exactly Athelstan’s jam, and ghost Athelstan’s voice chimes in on two-part harmony with Alfred’s prayers, then joined by the newly reformed monks, who now do jazz hands.
Who’s leading who here?
Viking’s has spent a season and a half building up Ivar’s credentials as a mad, manipulative genius. And while Ivar seems to think he’s got Heahmund where he wants him, fighting with him to gain Kattegatt, I get the sense that it is Heahmund who is pulling all the strings. During a discussion of the nature of fate and free will, Heahmund does some verbal jiu-jitsu that starts with Ivar believing Heahmund is fated to help him, and ends with Heahmund establishing himself as the only person Ivar can trust.
Be careful Ivar: Heahmund is not a dummy.
The end of our world is here
Bjorn may be a dog with the ladies, but he is still a sweet son. Lagertha’s confidence falters in face of the upcoming battle, and is buckling under the weight of change that is about to happen. But Bjorn is there to support her, and tell her that he still misses Ragnar
and that he’s proud of her
and that it will be so cool when Fenrir, in the form of Ivar, sets the world on fire!
What can you do? Viking’s gonna Viking!
Tune in next week, when all this internal strife may turn into bloody, exciting external strife!! Until then