Whatever you call it, The Golden Globes showcased the most talented and most inebriated of Hollywood this past weekend.
While many considered the GG “too” whatever – too long, too tedious, too predictable, too silent (Thanks, NBC censors) – it did produce some water-cooler moments.
So, here’s just a few of my ah-ha moments from the 2016 Golden Globes. NBC censors are standing by.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #1: It’s Ricky Gervais’ Drunk World
Is there anyone who is more divisive than Ricky Gervais? Oh, yeah. Certain presidential candidates who used to star in a reality show about fake business transactions. (I’m looking at you, Rubio.)
But I’m going to proclaim this declaration: Ricky Gervais is perhaps Hollywood’s greatest mastermind.
Sure, some of his jokes went a wee bit too far while others seemed to be first drafts of jokes left on the Beverly Hilton stage back when he hosted in 2010. But this is a man who was able to say directly to celebrities’ faces what we reserve for our friends at our viewing parties or for 150 characters in a tweet on our privatized accounts; constantly had all-you-can-drink beer; and pretty much bashed the people who hired him without consequences.
But what makes him a mastermind? He was paid for all of this. And while the amount of his paycheck from the Hollywood Foreign Press is unclear, it’s pretty safe to assume that Ricky probably wasn’t one of the millions of people buying a PowerBall ticket.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #2: Jane Fonda is the Queen of RBF
Kristen Stewart bows down to your greatness.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #3: Aziz Ansari was Robbed
No, I don’t just mean he was robbed of an award for best actor in a comedy, which I still think he should have won. He was robbed of having a great joke come to fruition. Thanks a lot, Gael Garcia Bernal for winning and for pretty much killing Aziz’s next book deal.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #4: JLaw’s Guide to Etiquette
It’s no secret that I luv Jennifer Lawrence. And this moment of brilliance in the press room after her GG win just solidifies that my life goal is to share a best friend locket with her.
“You can’t live your whole life behind your phone, bro” will now be appearing in every one of my social media “About Me” settings.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #5: Censoring is a Buzz Kill
Silence is golden, and that was very much true at this year’s telecast, which pretty much sent some poor intern put in charge of censoring after the five second delay into a tailspin. At some point, it became a game to see what you, the viewer, could fill in during the moment of silence.
But after a while, it got old. Dear NBC, we’re adults – we most likely say those words. And for the record, I felt cheated when the opportunity to expand my knowledge on the human anatomy was silenced.
The more you know.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #6: A Fandom Does Not Ensure Awards
You know who I’m talking to.
— Sam Heughan (@SamHeughan) January 11, 2016
Outlander fans, let’s be honest: you have been spoiled by every online poll, viewers’ choice awards, and homemade trophies that the stars graciously accept. Sure, you created “For Your Consideration” fan art, retweeted every Scotland Now article, contributed to a “Golden Globe for Sam” GoFundMe project, and even camped out for hours in the rain and on bleachers just to see Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe for a few brief minutes walk that red carpet into the Beverly Hilton Hotel.
But Sunday night’s telecast was your Outlander cold shower. Three hours to see Outlander lose in all three categories. And because fans were so used to winning, you most likely jumped from the couch to cheer before realizing that it was Taraji P. Henson taking the journey to the stage rather than Cait. Don’t be embarrassed – it’s become a knee-jerk reaction.
Losing never looked so good.
But let’t look on the bright side: the series was nominated in their first year on air. Tobias was probably this close to winning. And if it was viewer’s choice, Outlander would have taken all categories that night including best foreign film (It takes place in Scotland, so boom.), best musical or comedy film (for that time that guy got crazy on the harp and Cait’s musical showstopper), and the Cecil B. DeMille award for Sam because you felt so bad he wasn’t nominated.
Also, you got a slow motion pointing Sam Heughan complete with confetti. Consider it your parting gift.
Golden Globe Ah-Ha #7: Leo is the King of the GIF!
What’s beautiful about this gif able moment is that it could be used for anything: engagement announcements, graduation ceremonies, watching your niece’s 4th grade violin recital, receiving an invitation to a a MLM beauty party, being asked to watch your friend’s favorite TED Talk.