Here are my gif reactions to the best moments from this week’s episode.
Shawn is the jealous type
Last week the episode ended right when Shawn entered Kaitlyn’s suite to confront her about where they stand. Based on the complete mess her room was in I like to imagine that they swept french fry crumbs and Nick cooties off the couch before sitting. (Someone should check if that striped couch got mentioned in the credits because it has had more screen time than Chris Harrison this season.) I have to say, Shawn has gone full alpha male at this point. He has peed a metaphorical circle around Kaitlyn while growling “back off” to any who dare trespass. Wrong show, buddy; sharing is caring. Kaitlyn’s face when Shawn walked in was pure horror. She was positive that he knew about her hook up with Nick and she was not ready to face the music. Lucky for her, he had no idea about Nick’s mad seduction skills; he only wanted some reassurance about their relationship. That is, he only wanted reassurance the first time he visited her suite. Yes, he went back to her room AGAIN midway through the episode to talk about something she had told him off camera. Yes, off camera. It turns out that Kaitlyn has been sneaking around to see the guys when the camera people are sleeping or resting in their coffins or whatever. Not cool! I’m sure that this has happened in every season, but it’s never (to my knowledge) been explicitly said for audience consumption. I’m not okay with this. This is The Bachelorette, you don’t get secrets! Tell me all the things!
Basically, while off camera Kaitlyn told Shawn that he is the one for her. So naturally he believed her and thought it was game over. Poor, poor naive Shawn. The game isn’t over until someone is left on bended knee with a borrowed Neill Lane diamond and the word “but” is uttered. What are you, new? Their interactions throughout this whole episode seemed so repetitive to me and then I realized they’re not actually repetitive, they’re just acting out the entire script of The Notebook. Spot on casting too.
Anyway, when Kaitlyn realized he only wanted to talk about the status of their relationship she was visibly relieved and quickly got to work utilizing her womanly wiles to make him feel guilty for bringing it up. By the end of their numerous conversations over the course of the episode she admitted that she never should have given him that kind of reassurance this early in the
game relationship and he said, “I don’t think you’re to blame for anything.” Well played, Kaitlyn.
Don’t let yourself think that the issue was resolved for our boy Shawn though. He could tell that something isn’t right and spent the entire episode expounding on it. He talked about it in his interviews. He talked about it while brooding on the stairs. He talked about it constantly. If Clare’s therapist raccoon from Bachelor in Paradise had been there he would have shared his feelings with it too. I know that finding love is the supposed point of the whole show, but I’m starting to find this annoying. Hopefully next episode will settle this and we’ll get confident, sexy Shawn back.
two-on-ones are so romantic
At some point in between Shawn’s two visits to her suite we finally got to see the two-on-one date between Kaitlyn, Joe and JJ from last week. A two-on-one sounds like something you’d find advertised on Craigslist but in reality it’s one of the more respectable dates on this show because there are only three participants not, you know, fifteen. Naturally, midway through a two-on-one date someone ends up going home sad, alone, feeling vulnerable and confused. Wait, it’s EXACTLY like a Craigslist encounter.
The trio spent the day on Ireland’s Eye which is a beautiful uninhabited island that can only be reached by boat. You could tell JJ got this memo based on his sailing outfit, but he had to be disappointed when the luxurious boat was a dumpy little fish trawler. Joe on the other hand, didn’t seem too worried because he knew that intensely spiky hairstyle of his would hold up in the wind. They all sat down to a picnic and JJ chose that moment to tell Kaitlyn he was falling for her and then had Joe toast to it. It was the most perfect Bachelorette moment. I had to pause the DVR to really savor it. Joe spoke to Kaitlyn alone and told her he’s falling in love with her before kissing her like it was the last kiss of his life. It was working for her. Then, JJ took Kaitlyn aside to tell her “the worst of me” which was that he has cheated on his wife three years ago resulting in their divorce and shared custody of their daughter. It was an emotional moment and clearly terrified Kaitlyn. I understand the need to share every part of yourself when you’re serious about someone, but this seemed really out of place and intense and just generally made me uncomfortable. Kaitlyn ended up sending JJ home and giving Joe the rose. Honestly, I can’t imagine Joe going further than this point in the show so I would have preferred that she sent them both home together. We all know how much JJ values a bromance; they could have ridden that little fish trawler all the way off into the sunset. As it stands I have no idea how JJ got home, but I like to think Clint showed up to dry his tears with his power socks. JJ and I are social media BFF so I felt like I was mourning the end of an era, but then I heard he was cast in Bachelor in Paradise and all was right in the world. Pack protection JJ, and I don’t mean sunscreen.
These rose ceremonies just get weirder and weirder
It was finally time for a mid-episode rose ceremony which meant formal wear or, in Kaitlyn’s case, time to preview what she’ll look like in her Dancing with the Stars costumes. She wore this strange combination of old lady appliqué and sheer netting that made me long for the drama of women’s ice skating circa 1994. #TeamTonya. I mean, she always looks beautiful because she is, but this dress confused me. That is, I was confused until I saw Chris Harrison’s rose tie then I was just entertained. New rule, Chris Harrison must wear at least one rose print item of clothing at all times. Would that make him the final rose? I think yes.
This was a weird rose ceremony. A visibly shaken Kaitlyn began the party by talking about the mistakes she had made which had all of these men assuming she was talking about them specifically. Just how many mistakes are these guys making (aside from signing up for the show)? The cocktail party progressed and she began her one-on-one time by sharing some uncomfortably wet kisses with Ben Z. Then Ben H. took her aside and was just way too mature and articulate for this show. He said that during that off camera visit to the men’s suite (curse you, slacker camera operators!!!) he could tell that she had shared a moment with Shawn and he was jealous. He communicated his feelings impressively. Quite frankly, Ben H. is a catch and I can’t believe his mom or youth pastor or something haven’t married him off yet. I’m even racking my brain for some nice girl I can set him up with like I’m the poor man’s Patty Stanger. He’s adorable. Run, Ben H., run! Then Nick the seducer got his time with Kaitlyn and once again he worked his magic, turning her from angry that he might kiss and tell to complete putty in his overly accessorized arms. Seriously, the only reason a grown man should wear that many bracelets is if his kid got a rainbow loom for Christmas. Finally she spoke to Shawn alone -again- and made it clear that she shouldn’t have made him any promises. Their relationship was not looking so great at this point. Quick Shawn, wink at her! That totally works for you.
In the end, Kaitlyn sent sidekick Tanner home which was no surprise. They obviously didn’t have a romantic connection since he never mentioned any off camera time (I’m bitter, guys, real bitter). But then she sent Ben Z. home. Nooooooo! In what universe do Joe and Jared get a rose over adorable Ben Z.? I’m not okay with this. The only redeeming factor we have is that Ben Z. stood strong and didn’t cry despite it being an unspoken goal of the show to see him cry his first tears in 11 years. Actually, he may have been the only person from the entire episode not to cry.
Jared kisses the blarney stone for good luck. he’ll need it.
The next morning after the cocktail party Kaitlyn and the remaining 6 men (Shawn, Nick, Ben H., Chris, Jared and Joe) were headed off to Killarney, Ireland. While Jared and Kaitlyn took the advantage of the road trip to have a quick individual date, the rest of the men made the drive in a bright green tour bus called the “Paddy Wagon.” That pretty much sums up the road trip. Just like riding in a police car; it sounds exciting in theory but the reality is that it’s a little bit sad and generally smells.
Kaitlyn and Jared took his patchy beard to kiss the Blarney Stone and snap selfies along the drive. It was just as dull as it sounds. She ran over about a dozen curbs which proves she drives just as well as she navigates her relationships. They spent some time making out at her new hotel suite, because apparently no episode is complete unless we see Kaitlyn’s room and then he left. They showed Shawn snoring on the bus and I could totally relate. Boring.
Chris Harrison Shakes things up
Once Kaitlyn was settled into her new room in Killarney, Chris Harrison stopped by for a chat. Kaitlyn told him all about her “intimate” date with Nick and how she told Shawn too much while off camera. You could almost see the wheels in Chris’ head turning as he considered how best to spin the drama for the show, I mean how to counsel her in her time of need. At one point after she confessed to sleeping with Nick he cheerfully said, “that’s good” and then took a long pause while he gleefully thought of the ratings before finishing his thought that it was good she learned from her mistake. He then selflessly encouraged her to tell all the guys about her sexual encounter on national television before changing the formatting of the show around a bit.
For the first time, rather than taking four men on hometown dates next week, she will be taking three directly to the fantasy suite dates and then only the final two home to meet families. The reasoning Chris gave was that all of the men deserve the same one-on-one time that Nick and Shawn got before introducing her to their families. Wait, did Chris just tell her that they all deserve to sleep with her since she slept with one of them or was that just me? Shady.
Chris and the Ponytail of doom
After her talk with Chris Harrison, Kaitlyn suddenly began to realize the gravity of the decisions she was making. *eyeroll* What did she think she was doing this whole time? She came across as very immature and impulsive this episode, which makes for a fantastic two hours of television but doesn’t bode well for the longevity of the relationships she’s forming.
This new somber, Kaitlyn took “Cupcake” Chris on the final one-on-one date of the night. When she showed up for the date in a ponytail I knew it was lights out for Chris. No woman wears a ponytail on a date unless they’re working out, don’t care, or have been married for a really long time and didn’t have time to shower after the kids went to the sitter (sorry, husband). They took a helicopter to the Cliffs of Moher for a picnic where Chris told her he chose to settle in Nashville because it’s a good place to raise kids, but that he also likes adventure. He should sign up for any classes Nick offers in sales because Chris was not nailing it. Earlier in the episode Chris mentioned that Killarney reminded him of his soul because it’s old and clean. That should be a red flag since Kaitlyn obviously prefers her men to be just a little bit dirty. In the end Chris saw the writing on the wall and asked Kaitlyn to cut to the chase. She did, which led to her leaving him perched precariously close to the edge of those cliffs while she flew away in the helicopter. First he was philosophical about their end saying, “just looking at her, she’s a mess” and all of America agreed. Then Chris began crying. No, crying is too passive of a word. The man began wailing and weeping like his favorite dog just died. It was a sight to behold. I just wanted to pat him on the back and say, “It’s not that serious, boo.” The tears were unending. Plus, the more upset he got, the closer to the edge he got until even the PA looked nervous. Listen, I think being in touch with his emotions is really healthy and a great attribute to look for in a spouse, but he had only been on two individual dates with this girl and one of them she ended by breaking up with him. Pull yourself together!
Scenes from next week
It looks like next week Kaitlyn will finally tell the men that she and Nick slept together and it is going to be epic. Then she should (assuming the producers follow any order at all) cull the group down to three for those “romantic” fantasy suite dates. At this point they should all just throw their keys in a bowl by the door and call it what it is, because there really isn’t any pretending about what’s going to go down. I can’t wait.
Can you believe she got rid of Ben Z.? Do you also want to start a crowdfunding campaign to raise money for a hug giving mission in his time of need? Who do you think will be the final three? If you say Jared or Joe I’m not speaking to you anymore. Tell me in the comments.