Welcome back fellow Bachelorette lovers/judgers! The fourth episode of the season aired Monday night which means the drama of the early episodes (Two bachelorettes! Drunk bachelors! Gay bachelors!) is waning. That can only mean one thing;
someone has to die time to bring in a super villain to spice things up. This was a bit of a filler episode, but don’t let yourself think that means it was boring. Boring and The Bachelor never go together until the show is about real feelings and they actually start eating food on dates instead of humiliating themselves in public settings. Fair warning, as I’m writing this my four year-old is having an existential meltdown over the loss of her helium balloon to balloon heaven or wherever balloons go to die and pollute the planet so, if I’m especially snarky you can thank her. It’s cathartic, really.
Here are the GIF reactions to my favorite(ish) moments from Monday’s episode.
JJ Benedict Arnolds Clint
When the previous episode ended we were left wondering how Kaitlyn would handle Clint and the fact that every guy in the house, with the exception of JJ, hates him. We didn’t have to wait long to find out since she told him he was being sent home within the first five minutes of the episode. On a related note, have I mentioned how much I hate the “to be continued” trend from this season? Anyway, Kaitlyn walked Clint inside to say his goodbyes and JJ, his bff/bromance partner/shower buddy, turned on him almost instantly by telling him that he owed everyone an apology for wasting their time blah blah blah. The look on Clint’s face was pure betrayal and JJ instantly felt horrible. They got into a little argument that ended in Clint complimenting JJ’s shirt and tie combo and then Clint left the mansion forever. JJ gave himself a little pep talk in the corner and slapped himself (literally) back to reality. The rest of the bachelors were stoked to see Clint go, but super bummed that JJ lived to see another day when Kaitlyn canceled the rest of the rose ceremony and told them that the show is headed to New York City. I, on the other hand, was super sad to see the bromance end.
Justin’s 90s Hair and an Epic(ly Bad) Rap Battle
Once in NYC the guys got their invite to the first group date. I only mention the invite because mid-90s Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I mean Justin, showed up to read it. Justin’s hair was insane. It was parted down the middle with longer pieces in the front that were reminiscent of T-Boz in TLC’s Waterfalls music video or even Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet on a midweek grocery run. I can’t emphasize enough how bad this hair was. The date ended up being a rap battle hosted by Doug E Fresh that was so awkward to witness that I watched it with one eye closed and my teeth clenched.
Nick Viall Shows Up and Ruins Everything
It was widely touted that Nick Viall, the runner-up/super villain from Andi’s season would be joining Kaitlyn’s menagerie. I have to say that knowing that it was coming didn’t make it any more palatable. Nick makes me crazy. He reminds me of Gargamel from The Smurfs. He’s just super slimy and I can’t figure out what these women see in him. So, Nick showed up and Kaitlyn got so flustered that she didn’t even notice how much his hair looks like Robin Williams’ in Hook after he remembers that he’s Peter Pan. Not bangarang, Rufio. Kaitlyn tells Nick that he can join the show and we all collectively gag.
Everyone Shame Watches The Bachelor
In what was perhaps my favorite part of the episode, all of the bachelors sat around and talked about Nick joining the cast. The reason I loved this moment was that they didn’t even pretend to not know who Nick was. Shawn even knew his last name and (I’m assuming) social security number before she has his first initial out. These are my people. Also adorable was how clueless Ben H. was about past seasons. Ben was way too busy being outdoorsy and hugging orphans to watch Andi’s season.
Shawn is Even Hotter When He’s Mad
Shawn had the standard first-impression-rose-receiver-reaction to Nick joining the show. That is to say, Shawn was not happy. This is an phenomenon that I’m happy to explain as a Bachelor expert. The person who receives the first impression rose each season inevitably feels like their relationship is more developed and real than anyone else’s. Therefore, at the first sign of adversity their world is rocked and they either burst into tears (see Britt from all of Chris Soule’s season) or, like Shawn, they get angry. Lucky for us, angry Shawn is even better looking than sweet and understanding Shawn. Also, Shawn and Ben Z. were so good looking sitting on one couch at the same time that they should come with a trigger warning.
The Part of the Show When I Took a Quick Nap
Kaitlyn took Jared on the one-on-one date to the Met. Who is Jared you ask? Exactly. Okay, so Jared is the guy who got knocked out by Ben Z. (take a quick moment to sigh over Ben Z.) and forgets to shave most of his face 90% of the time. Anyway, they had a really boring date that I didn’t pay attention to, but he got a rose and Kaitlyn seems into him I guess.
The Bachelor Goes Broadway
On the second group date, Kaitlyn took the rest of the guys to a fake audition for the Broadway production of Aladdin. They had to learn a dance number and sing “A Whole New World” with the understanding that the best auditioner got to continue the date with Kaitlyn. First off, I don’t know anyone under the age of 35 that doesn’t know the words to that song so they can stop pretending anytime; thanks. Secondly, this was painful to watch. Chris the model/dentist/proud owner of a huge mouth won the date with his genuine, but over the top commitment to the act and the rest of the guys went home. That led to the only funny part of this date when Josh said, “There’s nothing but anger, loneliness and a whole bunch of dudes back at that hotel.” To which I ask, can a girl get an invite? Asking for a friend.
As an addendum to this portion of the recap I have to add that Ian the Old Spice guy lookalike is super annoying. I made him my number one pick based on his bio prior to this season and I was SO WRONG. Please forgive me.
Tanner Needs His Own Show
Perhaps my favorite highlight from this episode was the chance to get to know Tanner a little better through his interviews. Quite frankly, he’s hilarious and I want to be his friend. We can text each other during the episodes and send each other snapchats of our reactions. A girl can dream.
Huh? Britt is Still on this Show?
Since the episode was to be continued AGAIN and the scenes from next week were kinda lame (Nick is a big bad villain) Britt and Brady got a little more airtime for their
fake romance. I only mention this because my husband made the observation that Brady looks like the “overly emotional lovechild of Chris Martin and Moby” and that sentence needed to be published for all eternity.
Did I miss any of your favorite moments from the episode? Do you have a favorite bachelor yet? Tell me all about it in the comments so I’m not just talking to myself!