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Today is my birthday. Wheeeee! Woot? Yay? I’m not big on celebrating my birthday or anniversaries, but it’s not because I don’t love getting older. I love my birthday because it means I LIVED! Nothing has killed me…yet.
I just don’t like celebrations in which all the focus is on me. It’s why I hated my wedding. And now that I’m divorced, I’m a bit annoyed I put myself through the torture that is the rehearsal dinner.
I also don’t like cake, which is a big part of birthdays. I’m asthmatic, so I hate candles, too. I don’t even require the perfect present. Buy me a perverted Shoebox greeting card and a bag of plain M&Ms and I’m happy.
So I made it through October 26, 2015 to October 26, 2016. What a year.
I’m crushing my early forties, y’all.
Since it’s my birthday, I can celebrate any way I want to. My boyfriend took me to breakfast this morning, so while my stomach digests those banana pancakes and link sausages, let’s celebrate by looking back. Let’s look back at my favorite videos from the past 365 days. Laziness! Laughter! The visual medium! Way better than Betty Crocker.
This commercial makes me laugh every time. Si! Scusa! Si, Sono qui. I’m Marco Polo! And the llama. WHY THE LLAMA?!
This is the best way for cops to slay all day.
I’m with her, but damn, I’m gonna miss this man as President. “Does Obamacare cover burns?”
The Rock, who is probably my favorite American after Philip Roth, explains his alarm app, the Rock Clock. Get your candy ass out of bed! Plus, Jeff Goldblum.
I am a sucker for a good sports montage. And this Olympics one has some of the most amazing athletes on the planet. Mo Farrah! Serena! Usain Bolt! Simone Bailes! Gabby Douglas! Michael Phelps! Chills. And I love Katy Perry so you haters can hush.
Senator Warrens reads the immoral, greedy, and fired Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf, and it’s glorious.
Other People looks so good. I can’t make it through the trailer without crying. No way I’m going to see it.
This is my new obsession. I cannot stop watching it. And the skeletons are…PART OF IT.
PSYCH. I hate this fucker. I will never use Trivago because of this creep.
I want Virginia McLaurin to adopt me.
Does that look like the calcinator?! I haven’t had my muffin yet, MATT.
Heidi’s is our resident colorblind writer here at TN, and her husband gave her EnChroma glasses. “The sunset is purple. I had no idea!” Sob. “Are her shoes always that bright? They’re obnoxious.” Love.