Yesssssssssss, let’s!
Now to the play-by-play:
Ecbert’s fingers were so crossed
Remember last week when Ecbert promised to aid Kwenthrith in returning to her throne? Turns out he may have misspoken a teeny, tiny bit.
What Ecbert meant to say was “I promise to send your lover-boy, Aethelwulf, off on a nonsense quest to take Alfred to Rome, while I have Hotty McScoutypants (aka Waefaerth) murder King Aelle on the way back to Sussex, lock you away in a crazy vault and, finally, unite all of England under my rule.”
His bad.
Floki stars in his own afterschool special
This week, Floki turned his back on his old friends in favor of some shiny new friends!
Helga is a little worried that Harald’s band of merry psychopaths aren’t good for Floki, but he ignores her because these friends get him. They get how he needs to obliterate Christians! They get how he delights in mayhem! They get how funny it is too light people on fire and pretend to try to put it out by peeing on them in their darkest hour!
Floki, I’m here to tell you that these guys are not your friends – they are just using you to overthrow Ragnar! Go back to your old friends, you know, the ones who showed how much they cared by chaining you up in a cave and leaving you to die. That’s how real friends do friending!
O no, he Odi-en’t!
As soon as Aslaug’s FB relationship status changed to “cat is away,” Harbard (aka Odin cosplaying a human) swooped in to help Aslaug “relieve her suffering.” But he didn’t just show up to relieve her ‘lady-suffering’ in the absence of her alienated husband, did he?
Waaaaaaait – I thought you said your name was Harbard . . .
O yes, he O-did! Unlike their Christian brethren, who find the path to redemption through physical pain (Aethelwulf & Odo, I’m looking at you), the Vikings prefer to have their “Come to Odin” moments while actually, you know, coming to Odin. How did the Norse religion not catch on again?
So many rag-rets
Back in the day, when the Vikings band took to the sea in search of some good murdering, and there was nothing but mayhem and treasure in their future, Ragnar was this guy:
But a lot has happened since then. He’s suffered betrayal, loss and loneliness, and now he appears to have a smorgsbord of “Rag-rets” (TM). His mopey-ness has been building for weeks, but his vision this week of what “might have been” gave me chills and a case of the sads, as he sees his life when it was worth living.
Waaaaah.
Lagertha, young Bjorn, his dead daughter Gyta and, of course, man-crush Athelstan beckon him back to that life. Gah! Ragnar! Why did you do the thing where where you put a baby in Aslaug and ruin everything!!!!
What She said.
#trolllikeRollo
The Norsemen make it through a rough storm, find the mouth of the Seine, neutralize the world’s worst Frankish scouting expedition and, finally, make it to the promised land of Paris only to find Rollo, fresh from his stint on “Extreme Makeover – Frankia Edition,” ready to lay waste to all of their efforts.
I totally hate him! I hope he ends up on the business end of Ragnar’s sword and suffers a terrible, festering, bloody wound, and – UNF!
#DammitRollo
Ummmm, what was I saying again? Dammit Rollo – stop doing that!
Join us next week when we (hopefully) find out once and for all whether Rollo is truly fighting for the Franks, or if he is going to pull a Vikings-switcheroo on the Emperor! (Oooooo! Gisla would be sooooooo mad!)
Until then:
Catch all of our Vikings coverage here
All Vikings images are courtesy of the History Channel.
