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I don’t understand the kind of person who opens the freezer in the office kitchen, sees ice cream sandwiches they did not purchase themselves and decides to help themselves to said ice cream sandwich purchased by unnamed marketing director who had a real quick 3 pm ice cream sandwich craving one day last week. WHO DOES THAT?
After lamenting about this problem on Facebook (Last summer, when it actually happened THIS POST HAS BEEN DRAFTED SINCE THEN!) My sister-in-law responded:
Maybe it was the person from my school who dug their hand into the middle of a cheesecake to help themselves.
What? Is that a real thing?
Or how about that time I came in on a Monday, worked all morning and half of the afternoon until I decided to make my normal 3 pm lunch of a veggie-BLT. What’s a veggie-BLT? It’s a BLT with FAKE Bacon. It tastes like cardboard to most, but when you haven’t had REAL bacon since the age of 17, it tastes delicious. The ONE thing I have going for me (besides all the other things) is that I’m a vegetarian so no one touches my *gross* (to them) tofu-ish food in the office. EXCEPT ON THIS DAY.
What did I NOT find in the freezer when I was making my 3 pm lunch? Fake Bacon.
The next morning some guy I had literally never seen before popped his head in my office to tell me he bought me new fake bacon. He got hungry when he was working on the weekend and ate all of mine. So he replaced it. Nice of the guy I literally had never seen in my life.
I did some deep research (aka none at all) into the common traits of office thieves, and this is what I found:
Here is a helpful chart
We all know what ultimately happens when office thieves are not stopped. We all saw what happened to Ross when someone ate his Turkey Sandwich.
Don’t turn your poor innocent coworkers into Ross. Don’t EVER use someone else’s toothbrush. AND FOR GOD SAKES DON’T EAT MY DAMN ICE CREAM SANDWICHES.