Let’s just start with the cover. Love it or hate it, the cover had us all talking. (Also, can we give a “Holla, Jesus” for the “How to Fix Fifty Shades” in the lower right corner of the cover?!)
Bekah: Oh damnnnn. Twilight all over again.
Beth: If they were looking slightly to the left and down instead of directly at the camera, it would be exactly like the cover of the regency romance I stayed up until 2:30 to finish last night.
Karen: You can see her ass.
Julie: Cait has an ass that doesn’t quit. #AssGoals
Nikki: Is that a hickey, a bruise, or a huge mole?
Katie (My BFF): That arm vein! I think I want to lick it. Side note, which one of them has a higher percentage of body fat? #MPC
Julie: I think that’s the face she gives Sam when he talks in between takes about My Peak Challenge.
And then, EW released just a snippet of the article, but it was enough to send fans in either “I told you so” mode, giving absolutely zero effs, or questioning everything they ever thought to be true and real.
Sam Heughan doesn’t like to let down the fans.
But the hunky star of Outlander – Starz’s hit series that returns April 9 – always feels like he’s the bearer of bad news when he has to remind folks of the fact that he and his onscreen wife, Caitriona Balfe (Claire Fraser), aren’t an item in real life.
“I think there was a little bit of upset by some fans,” Heughan admits to EW. “It slightly saddens me but I guess it means that we’ve done a good job.”
That’s right: The SamCait ship is the Titanic, and Sam Heughan is the iceberg, dead ahead. Actually, Cait was the first iceberg when she confirmed the same fact during an interview with E!. But for some, that “revelation” didn’t count because _____________________________. (Go ahead and fill in the blank with any excuse – Sam didn’t answer; Cait probably didn’t understand the question; it was a day that ended in a “y”; Donald Trump.) The fact that “aren’t an item in real life” is put in italics means business, and I don’t mean the sexy kind of business either.
Those pants and that ruching also mean business.
So while many fans are going to read that, shrug their shoulders and move on to the next page, others may feel inclined to read between the lines, break it down, analyze it word for word, and twist it. So why not do it for them?
“…when he has to remind folks…”
See, right there. He “has to,” not he “wants to.” Sam’s clearly being forced against his will to admit his true feels for Cait. That is a crime, Starz. A crime. #FreeSamCait
“…aren’t an item in real life”
The writer used “item” and not “couple.” What’s an item? A pen? A scarf? They’re not a scarf in real life? Of course not. But what can they still be? That’s right: a couple. #SamCaitScarf
“It slightly saddens me…”
You know why he’s sad? Because all he wants to do is admit his true feelings to the world and there’s no better place to start than the pages of Entertainment Weekly. You do you, Sam. You do you. #SadSam
See how she’s clinging to him. She refuses to let him go just like they both refuse to let their real love go.
She’s staring at his lips. The Cosmo Body Language expert clearly states that staring at a man’s lips means you want to have his baby. It’s a scientific fact.
This isn’t a publicity photo. It’s from their private collection. Nuff said.
Hopefully that little exercise has helped the Outlander fandom find some closure/confirmation/more shit to obsess about. As someone who understands that these two people are just actors doing their damn job, I’m still going to buy my copy of Entertainment Weekly, lust over Sam’s clavicle, and wait patiently for April 9th to arrive.
What did you think of the Entertainment Weekly spread? Are you changing your Twitter profile bio to read “I told you so” or holding a candlelight vigil for Sam and Cait’s relationship? Let us know!