Surprise #1: Some people think “too much sex” is a thing
I was trawling around some Vikings fan sites on Facebook (which is a totally normal way to spend a Friday night) and came across this question:
Hahahahahahaha! “Too much sex!”
Please stop – you’re killing me!
*Wipes tear* I’m sorry – where were we? Oh yes, the sex! This week was a veritable shag-a-thon Vikings-style! There was earl on king action,
monk on married lady action,
god(?) on Queen action,
and, from a deleted scene, crazy lady on Earl action!
God bless you, Tumblr!
In addition to the consummations there was some serious sezzual tension between an Earl and her royal ex,
Food can’t fill the hole in your heart, Ragnar!
as well as between the aforementioned Earl and her royal-ex’s bro:
Is it legal to marry this gif? ‘Cuz I want to!
The sexing is making so many questions (not to mention babies)!!! How is Ecbert taking Lagertha’s dis about him being a completely self-centered tool? Is Athelstan going to leave Judith behind? Why is Ecbert so weirdly obsessed with Athelstan? Is Aslaug going to birth the son of Odin aka Harbard aka “hoary beard”, or just another delusional drunk? Is Ragnar going to plump up from eating away his grief at losing Lagertha?
And finally, when are Rollo and Lagertha going to hook up, and how pissed off will Ragnar be????!!!!! I totally ship them! I mean, I’ll feel really bad for Siggy, because I’ve really grown to like her, but for some reason I don’t think that’s going to be a problem for much longer . . . (surprise #3, I’m looking at you)
Surprise #2: Ragnar & Ecbert are the new Martin & Lewis
Buh bye kings of comedy, hello kings of medieval north lands! There’s a new comic duo in town, and these guys are completely hilarious together! Whether it’s drunken musings on the ethical dimensions of power
or being second-hand embarrassed for the crazy lady who just very publicly offed her brother,
these two play off of one another fantastically! Ecbert might want Rags to stay and fight his battles, but I want him to stay for the comedy stylings!
Surprise #3: She died
Yep, in a move no one saw coming Siggy met a watery death trying to save Aslaug’s kids while she was off bumping uglies with a guy who is either a god or a chronic n’er-do-well with an exceptional 6-pack.
I really grew to like Siggy, especially after she ditched that weird eyeliner stuff she used to wear as the Earl-ess Haraldson (note to Helga: Imma like you a lot more if you ditch that stuff too. Just sayin’.) She was a great character: politically savvy, loyal, smart. I’m going to miss you and your side-eye!
Rest in peace, Siggy’s side-eye.
Surprise #4: He’s baaaaaack!
Earl (I use that term loosely) Calf enlisted a mysterious powerhouse in his fight against Lagertha and Rollo, and it is none other than King Horik’s son.
You know, Ragnar, I’m not normally in favor of offing the young’uns, but it ususally doesn’t work out so well when you choose to not kill somebody, so I kind of saw this coming. As if Prince Erlandur didn’t already have enough of a claim on the throne to give King Rags a run for his money, he went for the trifecta and married Jarl Borg’s wife and got Jarl Borg’s son as part of the deal! Somehow I don’t think Ragnar’s vision of settling down to become a gentleman farmer is going to come to pass . . .
And in other news, that is so not a surprise that I’m not going to dignify it with a number
Kwenthrith is cray cray!
Not only did she pee on Ragnar, but she saved her brother specifically so she could kill him painfully by poisoning him in front of Ecbert’s entire court. I’m beginning to think Ecbert may have underestimated her crazy.
Exhibit A: Crazy eyes
Stay tuned next week for more surprises, and probably a whole lot more sexy times (sorry Facebook lady!). Til then: