Earl Kalf got new hair extensions!!!
That’s right, when we last saw Kalf he had the hair of a boy, now he has the hair of a man!
WOW! I did not see that coming – what a surprise!
Oh, and something else happened too – let me see, what was it again?
Oh yeah, Floki slit Athelstan’s throat to appease his gods!!!
WHAT?! Athelstan was not only our main point-of-view character, but also Ragnar’s main inspiration and confidant! Now who will he (we) confide in about his (our) greatest fears and grandest dreams? Who will challenge his (our) beliefs and expand his (our) horizons? And who will he (we) have deeply unholy feelings about every week? WHO?!!
As if it wasn’t bad enough that Ragnar has turned into a crazy old coot who goes around murdering people in his bathrobe just so his Paris plans don’t get derailed by some insignificant slaughter.
And that Judith is now sporting 50% fewer ears as punishment for having what Ecbert dubbed “Athelstan’s miracle baby,” WHO HE WILL NEVER MEET!
And that Bjorn totally stuck his Ironside in Mrs. Erlunder FKA Mrs. Jarl Borg right after Phorunn had a baby girl!
No, none of that was enough, so Floki had to up and kill Athelstan, just as he finally found his way back to Jesus and peace in his faith, simply because an inanimate wooden object spontaneously started to bleed!
Big deal, Floki! You should have seen what was coming up from my clogged toilet yesterday, and I somehow managed to get through the day (mostly) without slaughtering anybody! Shame on you!
In light of his martyrdom, Lagertha’s dream about Athelstan’ stigmata is giving me some serious chills right now!
And then Ragnar’s graveside eulogy – aggggggggh! It is raining on my face!!
This is basically what he said, but in a sweeter, way less crazy way
I know he can’t, but he did, Ragnar. He did.
Shine on you crazy diamond
SO, now what the hell is going to happen? Ragnar put on Athelstan’s cross – is he going to go Emperor Constantine on Scandanavia? Or is he just going to viking his crew for their part in Athelstan’s death? What is King Ecbert’s angle on Judith’s little “gift from God?” And is getting Torvi knocked up going to make Prince Erlandur hate Bjorn and the Lothbroks more, or less? And, most importantly: DOES THIS MEAN THAT GEORGE BLAGDON WON’T BE AT COMIC CON?
So many questions!! And just so we don’t leave on too much of a downer note, here’s my new favorite Ragnar reaction of all time:
Seriously, watch – even his beard acts in this gif!
Can’t wait to see who they’re gonna kill next week! See you then!