Now that wine is over (hahahaha! Just kidding, y’all! Wine is not over. I repeat: wine is NOT over), I’ve caught up and would like to share a little of what we have learned so far this season.
Episode: Paradise Lost
Things we learned:
- Ichabod gets a little twitchy when there’s no apocalypse to thwart, and begins finding signs anywhere he can. And I mean anywhere!
- After Ichabod and Katrina agreed to take the being married thing a little slow, Katrina was free to discover the many wonders of the 21st century. Namely: side parts, brazilian blowouts and the Joan Jett clothing line from Hot Topic. Is she planning on researching the wonders of 21st century men next? Hmmmm.
Psst! Katrina! Try lumbermatch.com!
- Ichabod is pretty much willing to go along with any cockamamy scheme Katrina brings up (including trying to reform the currently incarcerated Headless Horseman) presumably because he is hoping to break his 200 year abstinence by getting into her aforementioned Hot Topic leather pants. Abbie, however, remains unimpressed.
Burn!
- The breach in Purgatory that happened upon Moloch’s death released a boatload of demons bent on installing a new leader (the Horseman), along with an Angel (Orion) who flies a little like Mary Poppins, and is hell bent on thwarting this plan.
I’ll slay you with my sparkly fairy dust, demons!
- It seems to there is no one (angel included) who does NOT want to end the world as we know it. (Come on! Cut us some effing slack!)
Ugh! Not you too!
- Hawley has got to pick a member of the cast to crush on and STICK WITH IT! You know my vote is for Ichabod, but Jenny? Abbie? Frank? I don’t care – just pick one!
- Hawley and Jenny have given the world one of the best screen captures EVER:
It’s like a demented Mentos ad! Love!
- Oh yeah, and FRANK IS ALIVE!!! Wha? How? Huh? I don’t know! And neither does he.
Episode: Pittura Infamente
Things we learned:
- ICHABOD MAN-BUN MAKE ME DOPEY
Please note: I am going to marry these gifs as soon as it is legal in California.
- As far as married crime-fighting spouses go, Katrina and Ichabod fall somewhere above Rizzoli and Isles and slightly below the Harts. Seriously, the Harts are the best. Her hair is practically its own character!
- This is just about the least-giffed episode of Sleepy Hollow ever. Like, basically none.
Which finally catches us up to this week’s episode!
Episode: Kali Yuga
Things we learned this week:
- I know it was just sooooo adorable, but Mills singing Karaoke seems really out of character to me. (Please feel free to flame me below on this point) It feels like back in the ’80s when shows would randomly showcase an actor’s musical talent for no discernible reason. Like that time on Knight Rider when Michael was forced to tour Germany impersonating a rock star so that the Russians wouldn’t blow us all up. What? That wasn’t part of the show? The Germans wanted David Hasselhoff to sing for them? Are you sure about that?
Well, I can’t argue with that
- Hawley’s deceased birth parents had terrible judgement in god parents, leaving young Nick with a merciless antiquities hunter, who has also recently been converted into an immortal monster, and is working a creepy Electra-vibe. (on top of the pointy teeth and dripping acid)
- Ichabod knowing every last thing about everything is a little tiresome. Like when the Carmella monster-drippings were discovered to be highly acidic, and he not only knew that she was a vetala, but also exactly where the book about vetalas was in their enormous archive. It’s honestly like watching a live re-enactment of a google search. Find another way to discover information por favor!
- Hawley’s a pretty good guy, who lets his guilt over abandoning his ruthless murderer of a godmother guide him into stealing the “cure” from the impenetrable vault of an antiquities dealer descended from Knox, as in – you guessed it – Fort Knox.
- Jenny is a badass. Okay, we already knew that, but it’s still true.
- The showrunners seem to be aware of the fact that fans are a little frustrated with the Ichabbie dynamic, and have them share it up a little while locked in Knox’s aforementioned vault.
- Carmella is a liar! After retrieving the artifact, Nick agrees to help Carmella turn back in exchange for her leving his crew alone. But not only does she not want to be turned, she is trying create a vetala army – including Nick! Which brings me to the most important thing we learned:
- Sleepy Hollow listened to me!!!!! In an early SH episode, Abbie and Ichabod got tied to beds SHIRTLESS in order to undergo a shaman ritual. I said: “That is awesomely ridiculous please do more of that!” AND THEY DID! Nick ends up tied to a table – shirtless – in order to undergo the vetala transformation ritual! Cha. Ching.
- Ichabod’s and Abbie’s previous dalliance in yoga gave them the vedic knowledge needed to unlock the key to the Veratu’s destruction – iron and fire – allowing them to defeat the vetala. Except for Carmella, who escaped, never to be seen again. Or will she?
- After learning how to communicate again, Ichabod and Abbie are finally harmony! Get it? Harmony? They’re singing together – in harmony. Get it? (gag)
Okay, fine! It’s really cute. Happy?
And lastly:
- SLEEPY HOLLOW IS NOT OVER. I have also been told by the internet and someone here at That’s Normal (her name rhymes with “Shamy”) that Sleepy Hollow is over. Not true! This was a overall a pretty solid
car commercialepisode. (You did see the integral “car commercial” plot, right?) Exciting plot, good character interaction, some good quips, action. I especially loved how Hawley’s Ford Mustang handled so smoothly that even a revolutionary war era man could handle its muscular 80 horses of power. (You’re welcome, Ford. That’ll be $1000, please) (Did I mention how much I hate it when product placement drives plot points? No? Well I do.)
How did you feel about the karaoke? Are you sad that Hawley is moving on? Or deliriously happy? Is Frank really free of Henry, or is Katrina withholding information in service of another cockamamy plan? Is that really how you spell “cockamamy”? Seriously, it doesn’t look right.
