Since there were already three movies in this franchise, I really thought Jurassic Park was dead. But Sexiest Man Alive (in popular protest to actual sexiest man alive, Chris Hemsworth’s arms), Chris Pratt, is starring in the new movie Jurassic World executive produced by Spielberg himself. Complete with a nod to Jaws in the trailer. Who even knew this was happening?!!!! And if my childhood raptor nightmares weren’t still happening, I’d totally be excited for this film. Okay, who am I kidding? I am TOTALLY EXCITED for this movie!!!
Watch the trailer here…
Yes, that’s correct, they opened Jurassic Park to THE PUBLIC. Because three movies of epic dinosaur nom nom noming humans wasn’t enough to make the capitalists rethink the idea. Basically I feel like this whole film will be a commentary on Sea World, tax breaks given to companies that use offshore facilities, and the 2014 judicial decision that corporations are human beings. But that’s just my gut reaction to watching the trailer without the audio.
Okay, I’ve rewatched it with the audio on and I’m ready to break it down…
#EGBTT
Also starring in this advertisement for Universal’s Islands of Adventure is Bryce Dallas Howard (known by most readers as Victoria in Eclipse) as the genetic scientist (engineer? interdisciplinary crossover?) who decides to make a hybrid dino. Chris Pratt’s reaction? “You just went and made a new dinosaur movie? Probably not a good idea.”
Dino Flick or Psychological Thriller?
When he says the line “She’s a highly intelligent animal. She’ll kill anything that moves.” I thought he was talking about Howard’s character not the dinosaur she cooked up… Anyone else? Is this actually a sociopath serial killer film in which Howard’s character’s demons are expressed in the form of a dinosaur?
Also, can we talk about how the wall is basically the same wall from JP1 where “there was no way the dinosaur could get over an electric fence that high.” It’s a T-Rex! It does what it wants!!!
Chris Pratt™
Chris Pratt totally has a signature look now that he plays the Unlikely Hero!
Elevator door opening to reveal him looking intense:
Disbelieving reaction shot from above with dramatic zoom:
Ty Simpkins = Next Nicholas Hoult
Is this blue eyed hobbit JAMMF haired kid supposed to make me feel something? Because I am yelling, “Close the oven door, idiot!” at my iPhone screen and almost hoping he gets eaten. Why would you let your child go [alone] to an island full of dinosaurs and send him off by saying, “Remember, if something chases you, run!”?!
#ProbablyNotAGoodIdea better be the promo hashtag for this film, is all I’m saying.
Also, we need to do a 10 years later on this kid, cuz I’m predicting he’s the next Nicholas Hoult. You heard it here first!!!
Also in that 2 second shot of that kid…
Is that a dinosaur or The Predator? Because it totally sounds like the Predator!
What does that blue thought bubble say that’s coming out of the T-Rex drawing? It kind of looks like it says, “For Realz?” Is that just me?
Chris Pratt IS the Dinosaur Whisperer
Wait, was that final scene Chris Pratt leading a pack of velociraptors into battle?! Is Chris Pratt the Dinosaur Whisperer?!!! Also, can Peter Quill and Black Widow have a motorcycle scene together in Avengers: Infinity Wars?! PLEASE?!! Pretty please?!!
We Need You, John!
While they indeed kept the same graphics package, I quickly noticed that a key member of the original JP crew is not on board this film… a certain thematic element is notably missing (and not exceptionally well replaced either!) Wish you were scoring this bad boy, John Williams. :'(
So what do you guys think? Are you going to see this movie? I totally am, even though it looks kind of terrible. My husband has already told me he’s absolutely not going to see it and “support that cash cow,” so looks like I’m going alone. It’s landing right around when Pitch Perfect 2 will be nearly out of theaters, so maybe I’ll make a double feature night? Maybe I’ll see Avengers II + Jurassic World instead… double the Sexy Chris in a henley action 😉
I am totally excited for Chris Pratt though! I’m glad he’s getting these kinds of roles. I am also pretty excited that there are apparently only 2 characters in this movie and it does not look like they’re going to end up together.
JUNE 12 PEOPLE! Get your toy raptor claws from 1993 ready!
header source (because I know you want a closer look at his abs)
