MMMMMMM! I scent the tang of blood from freshly-chopped heads, a hint of latex demon suits and a whiff of 200 year old pheromones, which can mean only one thing: Sleepy Hollow season 2 premieres tonight on Fox!
Like me, you have probably been anxiously awaiting the resolution of the many questions that arose from last season’s double finale. Unfortunately, all that the other media outlets are interested in are items like “How will Abbie escape purgatory.” “Will Captain Irving be exonerated of his murder charge,” and “Is there anything Tom Mison’s eyebrow can’t do?” (Answer: no)
(If you are unlike me, and do not watch Sleepy Hollow, find out why you should here.)
Here at That’s Normal, we know what you SH fans REALLY want to know. So stick around while we voice 5 of the most burning questions about season 2!
Who would win in a zombie fight – zombie George Washington or zombie Thomas Jefferson?
Ever since my buddy, Sleepy Hollow Producer Mark Goffman, revealed to me (and 50 other press people at SDCC) that the George Washington zombie story line was based on an actual attempt by Physician William Thornton to reanimate George Washington’s body, I’ve become a little obsessed with how a zombie founding fathers battle might play out.
As we know from the cherry tree incident, GW has mad ax skills, and he was a general. Jefferson, on the other hand, was a prolific writer and gentleman farmer. I believe in this match-up, Jefferson would find out the hard way that a pen is actually completely ineffectual against a sword in hand-to-hand combat. Advantage Washington.
Better luck next time Zombie Thomas Jefferson!
It would be even more awesome to throw a zombie Alexander Hamilton into the mix and witness an all-zombie rewriting of the Federalist Papers! History Channel, I smell your next hit show!
Who did baby Crane get his looks from?
Full disclosure: I love John Noble’s portrayal of the offspring of Katrina and Ichabod. Best portrayal of convincing sincerity and terrifying evil since Marcia Cross’s portrayal of Dr. Kimberley Shaw on Melrose Place 1.0.
But it seems to me that the product of this union would much more strongly resemble a member of One Direction, amirite?
I am looking forward to a detailed examination of the genetics involved, or at least the revelation that baby Crane is a former member of 18th century boy band “Back Cobbled Alley Boys.” (Hit song “Musket Love.” [instead of Muskrat Love – get it? Please, somebody! Get me some professional help!])
Why does the Horseman need to be reunited with his head to bring about the apocalypse?
This one is a real head-scratcher for me. I mean, without his head the Horseman can still kill, terrorize, talk (through John Cho), ride a horse and do wicked ninja fighting against Ichabod, so it seems a little redundant.
In response to this, I have formulated several theories as to why the Apocalypse cannot be implemented without the titular head:
- His eyes have laser beam capacities that are required to see into the souls of the damned
- His fire breath is required to ignite the End Times holocaust.
- The head acts as a ‘detachable head bomb’ used to to incinerate the righteous.
- He’s super-vain, and thinks being headless makes him look fat. (Everyone wants to look their best when the brimstone rains down!)
Oh God! Why does this bandolero make my hips look so wide?!!
I ‘m placing my bets on the “head-bomb” option.
In what way will we learn that Katrina is totally evil so we can ship Ichabbie guilt-free?
I know, Ichabod and Abbey are just good friends – it is Katrina who is the love of his life, blah, blah, blah! We hear that over and over again! But let’s get real, the last time one of our ‘friends’ looked at us like this:
we ended up getting “friend-drunk” on boxed wine and making “friend-babies” in the back of his Subaru!
But don’t fret Sleepy Hollow writers, I have come up with several options for reasons why Ichabod would have to set Katrina aside and follow his real heart:
- Woman rescued from purgatory is not really Katrina, but her evil twin ‘Patrina’ who is bent on stealing her sister’s man and world domination!
- Katrina was the person who convinced George Washington to chop down the cherry tree. Goody-two-shoes Ichabod would never be able to forgive her!
- Jeremy Crane is not Ichabod’s son, but a result of Katrina’s dalliance with none other than Benedict Arnold!!!
Katrina, you have been a VERY naughty lady!
Alternate scenario: Abbie gets busy with new character Nick Hawley (Matt Barr), making Ichabod insanely jealous and forcing him to confess his love.
Well, hello there fresh beard!
(Writers, if that feels too out of character, I can live with just the getting busy part.)
Does purgatory really resemble a childhood dollhouse?
When last seen, Abbie was trapped in purgatory,where she encountered her younger self in a replica of her childhood dollhouse.
If it’s true that purgatory harkens back to one’s favorite dollhouse, then I am gonna looooove purgatory! You see, I had one of those multi-story Barbie townhouses that had an elevator inside the house! INSIDE THE HOUSE PEOPLE!
Purgatory elevator. Next stop: same floor you got in on!
Sweeeeeeet!
Now, I recognize that this still is purgatory, so I would probably be trapped there with this guy:
“Just so you don’t get any ideas, I am not anatomically correct.”
What? I would be stuck with the Sleepy Hollow version of a Ken doll? And this is him?
Yessssssssssssssssss!
Lastly, it has been 8 God-forsaken months of no new Tom Mison gifs! When will I ever get to see me some more of this?!!!!!
Sha-mexy!
Oh, Tonight? On Fox? SWEET!
Tune into season 2 to get answers to these and all of your other Sleepy Hollow burning questions!
