I love Outlander so hard
It’s no secret I love Outlander and the universe it has created. The books! The show! The frenzied support for Scottish independence! How did Sam Heughan vote? Unclear.
I love Outlander because it’s amazing, and I love it despite its flaws. I love it despite the fact that some of you crazy ladies will lose your ever-loving minds that I even suggested it has flaws.
I love Outlander and I want to show the world! But what is the best way to do that? I could type up some fanfiction, but good writing takes time and that would really interfere with my old lady hobbies like designing cross-stitch patterns.
Shameless plug for my non-existent Etsy shop.
I could get on tumblr and post my own special gifs sets and fan art, but let’s be real. I go to tumblr for one reason. To look at MMF porn. It’s research.
I could get into cosplay, but my clothing budget is already stretched to the limit with my tennis dress obsession. I cosplay as Caroline Wozniacki.
Then it dawned on me as I was sitting/suffering through a showing of Dolphin Tale 2 this past weekend, trying to listen to my iPod and re-read A Breath of Snow of Ashes on my Nook.
I CAN MAKE AN OUTLANDER MIXTAPE!
I know Mixtapes. I worship the Mixtape. See? I capitalize the M, just like Southern Baptists say “He” when referring to God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. I lived during the Hey Day of the Mixtape. You know, when Milli Vanilli collapsed and MC Hammer rose from the ashes. I’ve made more Mixtapes than you have hairs on your head. I have a tee shirt that tells you I now what’s up:
Compared to the Mixtape rules from High Fidelity, mine are pretty simple.
1) Don’t overthink it. Order only matters to the British monarchy. Right, Charles?
2) Every song on the mixed tape must elicit this reaction, “Oh, I love this song!”
My Season One, Part One Outlander Mixed Tape
I’m a Six Sigma Blackbelt in Microsoft Paint
I’m Shipping Up to Boston – Dropkick Murphys
Let’s kick off our Mixtape with a bang. This song is about travel, shipping off, and going places. It’s noisy and its manic with Celtic-sounding instruments (I’m very technical).
Think of Claire going through the stones, not to the sounds of a car crash, but to the sounds of a clamoring Quincy, MA, punk band.
I’m a sailor pig and I lost my leg
…and Claire probably amputated it for you.
99 Problems – Jay Z
Things were pretty okay for the men at Castle Leoch, save the fact that everyone smelled like beef and cheese. Sure, it was always muddy and impossible to keep the tartan tidy, and the castle itself was Drafty Town.
Right before Claire arrived, Dougal was stressed but not yet trying to find the 18th century version of Xanax.
If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
And dealing with the Red Coats, aka 1743 fuzz?
Now I ain’t trying to see no highway chase with jake
Plus I got a few dollars I can fight the case
So I…pull over to the side of the road
And I heard “Son do you know why I’m stopping you for?”
He’s stopping you for your stash of haggis, Dougie Baby.
Does this look like the face of a man who needs one more problem?
High For This – The Weeknd
We all have that “Can you feel it, baby…yeah I can, too” song that does NOT involve Marky Mark. High For This is mine. It’s an aphrodisiac. It’s musical oysters. It’s great for listening to on day 13 of your monthly cycle. And it perfectly encapsulates the smolder that JAMMF is bringing. Good thing my Hanky Pankies have a fire escape because his eye secks is setting them ablaze.
You don’t know what’s in store
But you know what you’re here for
Close your eyes
Lay yourself beside me
Hold tight for this ride
We don’t need no protection
We don’t need attention
I’ll be in my bunk…waiting.
Okay, sorry. I couldn’t wait.
When You Say You Love Me – Josh Groban
Only one artist is as amazing as Celine Dion and his name Josh Groban. Josh can spin a love song like no other easy-listening nerd on the planet. It almost makes me regret that I didn’t choose one of his songs for the first dance at my wedding, but alas, that honor was reserved for Bel Biv Devoe’s Do Me.
Let’s be real: At its core, Outlander is a story about love (Note, I did not call it a romance novel, so please don’t send me nasty twattings). How many songs are written about love? About 97% of them, and a mixed tape can never have too many.
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.
O my gosh, y’all! A moment in time. Time travel. It’s like Josh wrote this song about Outlander! Or Back to the Future! You are my density.
Learn Me Right – Birdy with Mumford and Sons
Gaelic. Or as I have always mispronounced it in my mind, Gaylic. All these Scots speak it. None of us understand it.
Claire needs to enroll in some Gaelic Berlitz stat, because while it’s not a Romance language per se, how fantastic would it be for her to tell Jamie, in Gaelic, how she likes her eggs cooked. (Hint, it’s over hard. Over. Hard.)
Though I may speak some tongue of old
Or even spit out some holy word
I have no strength with which to speak
When you sit me down and see I’m weak
I Love This Bar – Toby Keith
What the best place to collect the rent? At the bar.
I’ve seen short skirts, we got high-techs
Blue-collar boys and rednecks
And we got lovers, lots of lookers
And I’ve even seen dancing girls and hookers
Also known as HOORS.
Everyone loves this bar! Well, everyone except Jamie.
If You Leave – OMD
Claire is always trying to escape. Ughhhh, she won’t shut up about it in her internal monologue.
If you leave, don’t leave now
Please don’t take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we’ll go our separate ways
Stop trying to leave, boo! Jamie wants to know…WHAT ABOUT PROM, SASSENACH! WHAT ABOUT PROM!
Helter Skelter – The Beatles
Angus Mhor is…
Creep – Radiohead
Black Jack Randall is one cold ass mother fletcher. He’s a sadist and not in a good way. He is the worst kind of person. Leaves his shopping cart in the parking lot. Watches Modern Family. Believes in the tenets of Nihilism.
When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fucking special
Sky Full of Stars – Coldplay
Quick palette cleanser after all those bad thoughts. This is my favorite song to blast on the Sonos while I cook delicious casseroles for my family. And Outlander is on Starz. Sky Full of Starz. Do they already have a promo using this song?
I don’t care, go on and tear me apart
I don’t care if you do, ooh
‘Cause in a sky, ’cause in a sky full of stars
I think I saw you
When You Love Someone – Bryan Adams
Y’all might not know this song, but ever since I heard it on the Hope Floats soundtrack, I freakin’ loved it. Floved it. It has Bryan Adam’s raw voice, swoon-worthy lyrics, and BAGPIPES! Like, good bagpipes you enjoy listening to. Not like Ross Gellar learning to play the pipes for Monica’s wedding.
Listen to this song and think of Clair and Jamie and not smile. I dare you!
When you love someone you’ll do anything
You’ll do all the crazy things that you can’t explain
You’ll shoot the moon, put out the sun
When you love someone
Jamie loves Claire from jump, and he can save her. He can save her by marrying her and loving up on her like people do. Face to face, human style. Not horsey-style. And Claire agrees to marry him, not only because she wants to save her skin but also because she wants him, even if she can’t admit it. Bone it like you own it, Jamie* because back in the day, by law, you did. (*TM blurtlander).
So are you also a Fanilow of the Mixtape? Have you made Mixtapes on actual Maxell Analog cassettes like me, i.e. you’re an old? What songs is the Outlander S1/P1 Mixtape missing?
Listen to the MixTape on Spotify: