We’ve all had them, crushes on completely unattainable celebrities. The other day while in a black hole of old My So Called Life episodes on Hulu+ I was thinking…What if I married one of my celebrity crushes? Where would I be right now?
The following celebrities were my dream men for a period of time between ages of 12 to 20 something:
Where I first saw him:
It had to have been Little Giants, Casper, and Now and Then, I became a little obsessed with this blonde beauty. I still stand by the fact that as a teenager he was a hottie, but somehow he grew up and grew out of his good looks.I mean he’s not a troll now, but I wouldn’t want to meet this dude in a dark ally.
Crush Level: Posters on the wall, worn out VHS’s
Appeal: I literally think this is the first boy I ever found attractive. One of the most important things to me in a crush (back then) was that he would be older than me (more experienced) and taller than me (I was 5’9 by age 13)
How long did it take to grow out of it: This was a short crush in compared to all the other crushes I had less than two years of my life was spent on Devon.
Where I would be as Tiffany Sawa: legally separated and probably living above and working at a tattoo shop in Canada, wondering where my life went wrong and how a website about twilight has more twitter followers than my once famous husband.
Jordan Catalano… (Not Jared Leto)
Oh dear God look at that perfect face. He gives good lean.
Where I first saw him: Walking down the halls of Liberty High School on My So Called Life… My life was never the same.
Crush Level: I still get giddy watching the episode Jordan acknowledges Angela in the hall. Like “Im freaking out” giddy.
Appeal: He taught Angela how to kiss, drive, live on the wild side, but he was also broken. All I wanted to do is tutor him and make out with him in the boiler room/ his red mustang and touch his beautiful hair.
Where I’d be as Tiffany Catalano: Probably a single mom, after my inevitable divorce from Jordan I would be going to night school to get my GED since he knocked me up while we were still in High School (I was a freshman, he was a third year senior.) He would be working at a garage and singing in dive bars in the weekend doing covers of Buffalo Tom and The Ramones and suffering from alcoholism since the death of his best friend Tino, due to a drug overdose. Rayanne brings him comfort on those lonely nights when he falls into a depression about letting me get away.
How long It took for me to get over him: I think Noah Calhoun says it best.
Where I first saw him: The Jenny McCarthy show (yes that was a thing on MTV)
Crush Level: Defcon five!
Appeal: Long flowing golden locks, Middle Child, Sings like an Angel (I still stand behind this)
Where I’d be as Tiffany Hanson: I am pretty sure I’d be on my way to Michelle Duggar status by now. If you didn’t know the members of Hanson have 9 kids between the three of them 5 of them are Taylor’s.. 5 you guys! FIVE KIDS before 30!
How long it took for me to get over him: Still to this day I can get sucked into an internet black hole of “I wonder what Hanson is up to now a days” FYI I guess the brew their own beer Mmmhops. (naturally)
Where I first saw him: That old show on the WB (yes before it was the CW) “Popular” also on the very first show I ever binge watched on DVD: Prison Break.
Crush Level: The audio from him begging Dr Sarah to wait for him was my ring tone on my phone for a while.
Appeal: Ummm did you see first season Wentworth Miller!?? He was SMOKING HOT! It was the shaved head, the tattoos and that genius Michael Scofield mind and that hot kissing scene with Dr Sarah Tancredi that did me in, but he pretty much went down hill from there.
Where I’d be as Tiffany Miller: After several years of marriage my suspicion that I am a beard has been legitimized when Wentworth refuses to go on a family trip to the Olympics in Russia with me. We stay married for the kids meanwhile I don’t mind that he has let himself go.
I obviously have left out my most pressing and longest celebrity crush, I still can’t regret you Rob Pattinson. I doubt I ever will…
Now tell me ladies and gentlemen (wait do guys read these things?) who were you obsessed with? Do you have childhood crush regrets?