As the resident single ladies here at That’s Normal, Jamie and I (Nikki) have been tasked with tackling Valentine’s Day. Thanks non-single staff members, be careful opening your mail for the next month. So since it’s (not) such a big day we thought we’d run through a typical Valentine’s day in the life of a single person.
8AM – Wake up late for work, alone in bed. Still single.
830AM – While sitting in traffic you’re reminded it’s Valentine’s Day by that a-hole Ryan Seacrest. Turn the station to NPR. Still single.
9AM– Grab a big gulp sized coffee at work before diving into emails. Still single.
9:47AM – After opening your 15th Valentine’s Day themed email from Anthropologie/JCrew/TicketMaster/Groupon/Match/Your Mom, decide it’s easier to do a mass delete and start fresh. Head back for more coffee and possibly stop by the (married) receptionist, Jan’s desk, to see if she has any chocolate she brought in to “celebrate” VDay with. Turns out she only brought in Conversation Hearts. Jan is added to your hit list. Still single.
12:00PM Forget it’s Valentine’s Day for 3ish hours till some asshole at that lunch bistro plays that new Justin Timberlake song “Mirrors.” Contemplate looking up a hitman for hire on Craigslist for Jessica Biel when you get back to the office. Still single.
1:30PM Spend 30 minutes exchanging mildly inappropriate texts with that person you met at that theme party a few weeks back. They ask you to meet up with them for “drinks” later that week.” Feel AWESOME! Still single!
2:45PM Spend 45 minutes on the internet: buy new $200 booties, purchase concert tickets for that upcoming show EVERYONE wants to go to, research and plan vacay with pals in far off destination. Don’t feel guilty for any of it. Still single!
4PM Send friend links to those hot pictures of Ryan Gosling and Richard Madden you just found on tumblr. Lots of replies ensue with the words “hmmmm” and “OH BABY” and “DUUUUUDE.” Still single.
4:15PM Work. Still single.
4:28PM Add your coworker Bob to your hitlist for sending you an email with the subject line “Single’s Awareness Day.”
5:00PM Head home excited by the prospect of a DVR full of 30 Rock, Girls and Game of Thrones episodes. Still single.
6:45PM Eat carton of yogurt and a handful of gluten free chips for dinner BECAUSE YOU CAN! Feel glad you’re not waiting for a table at The Parish tonight cause it’ll be a mad house. Still single.
8:45PM Change mind, throw on dress and head out to meet friends at that bar for a drink. Hang with friends, meet hot dudes/girls, flirt, get free drinks, FEEL INVINCIBLE. Contemplate going home with one of them CAUSE YOU CAN! STILL SINGLE and LOVING IT!
Ok, Jamie we know how we’ll be spending VD and every other day for that matter let’s break down some of the lessons we’ve learned over years of Valentine’s Days.
Jamie: I’ve been thinking about lessons learned through valentine’s day because even when they aren’t complete disappointments, they aren’t really what they seem
Jamie: do you still have the mixed CD?
Nikki: Another one: went out for dinner with a guy and had a great time, whatever. end of the night he drops me off. kissing etc. ensues. i bid him farewell. He proceeds to sit in his car outside my home, texting me telling me he was still there
Nikki: lesson learned: turn off your cell phone and the lights after you get home from a date. and go dutch until it’s serious
Nikki: maybe he had a raging case of food poisoning and didnt think he could make it home.
Jamie: Another lesson: if you are a couple, you HAVE to get flowers at work. It’s the equivalent of not having the latest pair of designer jeans in high school. I received a dozen red roses from the ex-Asshole at the very end of the day at work and by the next day all the petals had fallen off. Lesson Learned: Valentine gifts can predict the path of your relationship. One day it’s fresh, the next day it’s dead.
Wah waaaah waaaaaah. So there you have it: Valentine’s Day straight from the single ladies. It’s glamourous, it’s single, it’s awesome, it’s sometimes terrible but we’ll always have those lessons we learned. And that mix cd.
What lessons have you learned on Valentine’s Day? How does your Valentine’s Day schedule differ?