If you’re into pop culture (which you clearly are because you’re reading That’s Normal) then you’ve probably been seeing a lot of posts about different panels happening at SDCC and super exclusive toys and apparel available during the con as well. You’ve probably thought to yourself, I’ll just go to SDCC and see what it’s all about. And that’s when you probably learned that in order to get tickets for SDCC you have to make a sacrifice to the Pagan gods of old.
So, here we are, sitting around our lame homes while others are living the SDCC dream. The FOMO is so real. But I have an idea. This year, let’s bring SDCC to us. Here’s a list of four things we’re gonna need to live our own SDCC dream.
The Crowd
First things first, we must replicate the crowd of SDCC. If you’ve never been to SDCC then you don’t know that to even walk across the street to get into the convention it takes a solid ten minutes. So, go on Facebook and check out some local protests! Find the biggest one and go stand right in the middle of the crowd. Proceed to shuffle your feet zombie style, making sure to go approximately nowhere and BOOM you’re at SDCC.
Extra points awarded because it’s July and that crowd you’ve inserted yourself into will no doubt smell of B.O., insidious crop dusting, and bad dry mouth breath. The stank at SDCC is legendary. So are the lines. If you want to know how the Hall-H line feels like, grab a sleeping bag (yes, really) and some friends, and park it in front of an abandoned storefront. Pretty soon random strangers will camp out in a line behind you (it’s science!). After 2 days, you will calmly get up and go home. You never made it inside the abandoned storefront. That is the Hall-H line.
The Merch
I am such a sucker for the merch at any comic con. I’ll come home with things that I NEEDED and then regret it immediately once I see it in my house and see my bank account. But when I finally fight my way into that merch booth the only thought I have is that it took me twenty damn minutes to get here, I’m buying SOMETHING.
Here’s how to go wild SDCC style from home. Get drunk, stay up till 3 am, go onto BoxLunch.com and HotTopic.com and go freaking wild. Get the Funko Pops, go for the giant Pusheen stuffies, buy the Marvel and Doctor Who mash-up t-shirts, and finally buy a butt load of random stickers. In 3-5 business days when everything arrives, you’ll be totally shocked at what all you bought (because drunk, remember) and wondering where all it’s going to fit in your house.
This replicates the EXACT feeling of coming home from SDCC and wondering when you bought those weird ass socks, and how much did you spend on random playing cards of monster you’ve never seen before.
The Dehydration & Starvation
OK, so, we’ve shuffled around in a large crowd. We’ve camped out in a line that makes literally no sense. We’ve bought things we don’t need strictly based on a spur of the moment not-in-your-right-mind decisions. Now, we need to feel the extreme physical effects of SDCC. It’s a fact that you don’t really eat or drink during SDCC. You certainly won’t find food in the convention.
Actually, is there any food inside the convention? There might be, but I’ve never seen any. And when walking the convention floor can take over an hour to get from one end to the other, I can imagine that most people can’t find the food if there is any.
Packing easy to munch on snacks is key. That means bananas, apples, granola bars, little bags of cookies and chips. Definitely pack mints, sugarless gum (helps with the dry mouth that sets in with the dehydration) and a giant bottle of water. This is your food and water for the next five days. Bon apple teeth.
The Exhaustion
The post-SDCC slump is bone-crushingly awful. Have you ever had norovirus? You know, the one where you basically spend 3-4 days being violently ill and then for 3 days after the sickness your entire body hurts and you can’t move due to being so wiped out? Yeah, that’s the post-SDCC slump. How do we replicate the pure exhaustion and bone-deep weariness at home? Easy.
Offer to spend the day watching all the small (under 7) children you know. Next, put on a 24-hour news network. Doesn’t matter which one (lol, yes it does, don’t watch Fox, the goal is to be exhausted not brainwashed) and put that on as background noise. After running around after a bunch of young kiddos all day and listening to the depressing news cycle, you too will feel physically and mentally exhausted.
You’re Welcome
Now, I know what you’re going to say, “Laura, you’re making SDCC sound AWFUL! Why would you even have FOMO?!” Because friends, SDCC is awful. It’s hot, it’s crowded, it’s exhausting, it’s expensive, and it’s physically dangerous (at least to me). BUT it’s also pure magic.
SDCC is the one time of the year when I get to hang out with all my TN friends. Women who I met on the internet that are all so firmly enmeshed in my life that my day wouldn’t be the same without talking to them at least once. SDCC is the only time of the year that I get to nerd out 24/7 with like-minded nerds. It’s so much pure-wild-spur of the moment fun that one minute you’ll get in a random line (because I saw other people in line, see science) and the next you’re in a photo with more famous nerds than you can imagine.
RIP NerdHQ, we miss you.
So, there you have it my FOMO friends. The 4 easy steps you need to experience SDCC from afar! No need to thank me, you’re far too tired for that.
