*Spoilers, spoilers, SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD. You’ve been warned.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the stunning loss of *checks notes* the Dothraki horde, the Unsullied, Lyanna Mormont, Ser Jorah Mormont, Theon Greyjoy, Beric Dondarrion, Lord Commander Edd Tollet, Melisandre, maybe Dany’s other dragon, that girl in the crypts, and a lot…like A LOT of northern soldiers, all taken from us too soon at the Battle of Winterfell. As Queen Elizabeth II once said, somewhere, sometime, the internet can’t tell me specifically, “Grief is the price we pay for love”. We loved these characters well, and now we grieve them well. Even the ones that we really kind of hated at one point but then mostly forgave them (looking at you, Meli and Theon).
5 stages of grief aren’t enough. We need at least ten, and we need them in Gif form.
Denial
Because we’re all living in the Matrix. None of this is real. I’m ready to accept that now.
Tweeting your despair
Salute To The Fallen Soldiers😭
Thank you Berric , Lyanna, Theon and Jorah for showing us the true meaning of bravery, loyalty and love #GameofThrones #BattleOfWinterfell pic.twitter.com/XXdCLPtXCm— Biyi Tudors #BBNaija (@thebiyitudors) April 29, 2019
Me when Bran told Theon that he was a good guy then Theon turned to the night king to defend Bran #GameofThrones pic.twitter.com/f8DB6XhlVP
— Olivia Mobilia (@omobe15) April 29, 2019
What is dead may never die. Except they all definitely died, so obviously the Ironborn have no idea what they’re talking about.
Anger
To Messrs David Benioff and D.B. Weiss: What even kind of battle strategy was that?!? YOU HAD TWO FIRE BREATHING DRAGONS THAT WERE POORLY UTILIZED. Does Jon Snow even care about Ghost anymore??!? WHY WAS IT SO DARK. You had Dany sleep with her nephew TWICE but she couldn’t spare a pity lay for the man who’s loved her for YEARS before he DIED FOR HER??? Don’t even get me started on your decision to have ALL THE BROWN PEOPLE die protecting all the RACIST WHITE FOLK. Why did you give me so many shipping feels about Sansa and Theon last episode when YOU KNEW Theon was going to die? And what the HELL, Bran. You got bored waiting for the Night King so you went for a little joyride? But seriously WHY IS IT ALWAYS SO DAAAAAAAAARKK.
Eating your feelings
My strategy is to just eat carbs with both hands until I’m no longer sad. Or until I fall into a food coma. Whichever comes first.
Bargaining
JUST LET ME HAVE SER JORAH BAAAAAACK. I can love him like he deserves.
Thirst for Revenge
I’m coming for whoever decided to kill off my girl Lyanna Mormont. And after that, I’m coming for whoever was in charge of lighting the sets.
Depression
Sure, a lot of people survived, this time, but there’s three episodes yet and I doubt David and D.B. are done ripping my heart out one ventricle at a time. May as well just prepare myself for Podrick dying and Cersei keeping the Iron Throne and Jaime crawling back to her because Brienne doesn’t date short guys. Greyworm and Missandei probably won’t be getting that vacation in Naath, either.
Emotional Numbness
It’s fine. I’m fine. What are feelings? I don’t remember.
Crying into your scotch
You mean Beric Dondarrion has been killed and brought back 6 times just so he could save Arya in the last season? *muffled sob* It’s fine, I like my Lagavulin extra salty, anyways.
Acceptance
Hhahaha NEVER.
