Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Dropping The Bomb
Our opening scene shows us Leslie Grossman, Evan Peters, and Billie Lourd as Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt, Mr. Gallant, and Mallory (respectively). After receiving an emergency alert telling everyone of an incoming bomb, Coco Facetimes with her father and finds out that it’s not a mistake and that everyone is going to die. He implores her to get to the Santa Monica airport and that a plane will take her to Outpost Three, mentioning that he purchased four tickets, but as they were in Hong Kong, they wouldn’t be surviving. Mr. Gallant, her hair stylist, takes off for his Nana (played by the one and only Joan Collins) and Mallory hangs with Coco. Billy Eichner has a brief cameo as Brock, Coco’s boyfriend, but sadly gets left behind in Santa Monica.
But now we have this gif and my life is better for it.
Let’s take a break on this part here and recognize how amazing this whole opening scene was. Coco went from an heiress worried about Instagram likes to finding out her entire family is dead in the blink of an eye. The emergency alerts on the phone shook me. We’ve all gotten at least one Amber Alert, weather warning, or flash flood watch alert on our phones. That noise is terrifying but looking down and seeing that a bomb is headed your way, that you’re going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it? I could legit feel the hopelessness in that situation.
Purple’s and Gray’s
Timothy and Emily are saved because they have the “perfect” DNA for what the Cooperative wants. What does the Cooperative want? We don’t know yet, but I feel like it’s not going to be what Timothy and Emily want. By the time Timothy and Emily make it to Outpost Three two weeks have past. Enter Sarah Paulson (in one of THREE characters she’ll be playing this season) as Wilhemina Venable, HBIC of Outpost Three. With Ms. Venable’s appearance, we find out several super helpful things. We find out that the “Cooperative” was set up by uber-rich people who wanted to be able to survive the end of the world, and that for a whopping $100,000,000 a ticket they could buy their way into one of the ten Outposts.
Those with a ticket or with the fancy DNA get to be Purple’s and the rest are Gray’s. The Gray’s get to serve the Purples.
Inside of Outpost Three, things are not as happy as they could be. Mr. Gallant and Stu get accused of being radioactive (literally), a carrier pigeon brings news that three Outposts have already fallen, and Ms. Venable has a super strict rule of no sex without her permission (something that seriously bums out Emily and Timothy).
After being violently scrubbed down, Mr. Gallant is cleared of being radioactive, but Stu is not. That’s when Miriam Mead (Kathy Bates) shoots Stu in the head. Bye Stu. Hello, stew. Literally. Cannibalism in the first episode, this season is not playing around.
Enter Michael Langdon
Towards the end of the episode we find out that Miriam and Venable are just messing around with the guests because they can and while Miriam isn’t totes on board, she had zero issues with killing Stu. Timothy starts giving us some exposition, and eighteen months pass by.
Michael Langdon shows up with his doomed and diseased horses and says he’s there to interview the survivors to see who he wants to take with him to his bunker. Michael Langdon is rumored to be the Anti-Christ offspring of human Vivien Harmon and ghost Tate Langdon.
These Are My Questions
The news anchor, in the beginning, said “I can’t believe we did it.” What was he referring to? Who is the ‘we’, and what do they do? Is this a Cult reference?
Is that really all of Billy Eichner we’re getting this season?
What was the ‘666’ in the glass and the voice all about when Timothy got out of the shower?
How the hell is Michael Langdon that old looking when he was born in 2011? (There was a random mention in Murder House that one of the babies was growing fast, maybe Michael really does age faster?)