*Ahem*
A reading from the Book of Fallopians, Chapter 19, Verse 73:
“All you women must be mad
To equate this time with Gilead”
Very reasonable men decried
That reasonable people can disagree
On whether women should be free
In this time of uncertainty
All hail the IUD
Let’s ponder a moment the anti-choice strategies
Of these myriad policy geniusees
Like curing the common cold
By making it illegal to sneeze
Instead of vaccinating against the virusees
In the midst of this travesty,
All hail the IUD
It’s so transparent, such irony,
That it hurts most their constituencies
If safeguarding the unborn is such a priority
Why not mandatory vasectomies?
Oh right: (in a very man voice)
“Government is for thee, not for me”
How’s that for hypocrisy?
All hail the IUD
What a miracle it seems
That to place a little plastic “T”
Into the heart of the uterus
Could force the sperm to turn and flee
For a decade’s worth of no worries
It really is that easy
All hail the IUD
When Colorado took the lead
And made it so IUDs were free
It did a number on unwanted pregnancies
Making teen abortion a scarcity
64% down from before the decree
And saved $70 million in public currency
Nationwide? What a thing to see
All hail the IUD
Now through Obamacare (the ACA)
Many can get an implant without pay
So prepare yourselves (and your mothers, wives, daughters, friends) for the day
That this new SCOTUS has its say
Reversing 45 years of Roe v Wade
Bringing (mostly poor) women to their knees
It’s what they call “civility”
All hail the IUD
Now things are dark, our hope is shorn
Prepare to march ’til shoes are worn
So that every child wanted is every child born
To those blind to the suffering before,
For whom it’s so easy to ignore
All our sisters dead and gone
We say: NEVERMORE
If we’re to survive this, say it with me: Get yourself an IUD!
