HAHAHAJKJKJK. Did this headline make you sit up a little straighter? Did you do a double take? Did your heart beat faster or maybe you were just this:
We all have our reactions to anything Rob and Kristen related but when news of their reunion hit the internet, everyone at TN (and all of our friends, and their friends friends) were agog. AGOG. HOW? WHY?!?! WHAT YEAR IS IT?
Hop in my time machine and let’s roll back to 2009. Cause LIT’RALLY, I think the paparazzi might have just published some old photos they have in the bank to pay some old gambling debts. These pics are soooo 2009. Let’s look at the evidence:
The Chateau Marmont
Cause Rob and Kristen are creatures of habit and apparently only know three bars or restaurants in LA, so OF COURSE it was the Chateau that they were spotted at. OF COURSE.
ROBSTEN IS UNBROKEN never gets old ❤ pic.twitter.com/dkRa9ur5NU
— Alice (@_alicestew) June 3, 2018
First, can we talk about the quality of these photos? This shit is so grainy, it’s like the paparazzi used actual camera phones from 2009 to take these photos. Also, if you’ve ever been to the Chateau Marmont (this sounds like a humble brag but it isn’t), you’d know they don’t allow paparazzi up the long driveway, this coupled with the time of night, and the fact R and K (yes, let’s use these initials again!) are essentially hiding behind that car that’s at least 75 feet away, we’re pretty much just ‘trusting’ the paparazzi that these images happened. This literally could have been UC and Moon (talking about myself in the third person) smoking ciggies in the dark, by an Uber and no one would know the difference.
PS Bonus points for the fact Robsteners are STILL around and still believing after all these years. Don’t stop believing kids.
How Do I Still Remember This Stuff?
So I’m cruising the images like any good Twilight fan (10 years baby) and I’m like wait, is that guy walking next to Rob, the dude who went on the road trip with Kristen where they got tattoos (that I wrote about)?? God, I hate myself sometimes. Cause yea, yea it is him. I’m told his name is CJ and now we will all NEVER forget this Who’s name.
Marcus f-ing Foster
Remember when I said hop in my time machine? I wasn’t lying y’all. It’s literally still 2009 in these photos because LOOK who is to the right of Rob… MARCUS FOSTER. Yes, Rob’s friend, the guy who put Kristen in his music video. You literally can’t make this shit up. I mean what’s next? Bobby Long jumps out of the bushes followed by Sam Bradley and they serenade the valet guys? And then Nikki Reed shows up with her most recent husband and baby to remind everyone how OVER ROB she really is and how much she’s moved on and how she doesn’t need Kristen and no, she’s NOT HURT THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
The Nonsten Contingent is STILL Going Strong
You’d think they would have given up, especially after the cheating scandal, and the whole bi thing, and the engagement but these salty bitches live to rub this non-relationship in the Robsten-ers faces STILL. TO THIS DAY. You gotta love the savage commitment.
— Anti_Baby_Brigade (@anticultrobsten) June 5, 2018
I do hope R wished K a happy Pride month 🏳️🌈
— Taty 🏳️🌈 (@DunnaFuty) June 3, 2018
So what does it all mean?
Option 1: Robsten is back on! It’s true love #FOREVER HATERS!!
Probably not fans, probably not. KStew seems pretty cozy with Stella whatsherface and really do we think Rob would get back with her after all that happened? I really think not.
Option 2: Ron was lost and has NO idea who Lily Rose Depp is or why he was celebrating a 19 year old’s birthday at the Chateau Marmont or WHY KStew was there with her tattoo buddy CJ (see you didn’t forget!), Marcus Foster, Nikki Reed, Michael Arangano, The 100 Monkeys, the Bananager, Lainey Gossip, or how time machines even work.
Option 3: Time heals wounds and exes can be amicable in public and sometimes even friends who see each other at events.
It’s probably option 2.
Are you still believing after all these years? Thoughts? Feels? Hot Pockets?
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GIFS via Giphy, Fanart via this site