Come back to us, Peter.
It’s been two weeks since we’ve caught up on all things Bachelor here at That’s Normal, but don’t worry, Arie is still making out with everyone to avoid adult conversation. Here’s everything you need to know to pass your Bachelor Nation citizenship test.
Someone needs to be fired
Group dates aren’t sexy. They’re the reality TV equivalent to gym class in junior high. You have to participate, but no one wants to be there except the one kid who hit puberty early, and everyone smells weird after. This season the group dates have been off the charts bonkers. Honestly, who thought it was a good idea to air a group date forcing visibly uncomfortable women to wrestle each other in costumes the day after the #TimesUp campaign launched? I need to speak to them. However, that was the height of romance compared to the wilderness survival date they went on in South Lake Tahoe where they were told to urinate in travel mugs and then “pranked” into almost drinking it. Whomever is planning these dates needs to be fired and replaced someone who actually likes women.
If a man pranked me into almost drinking my own urine on a date, you better believe I’m getting an endorsment deal from FabFitFun box. You earned it, ladies. #TheBachelor
— Heidi (@HeidiRochelle) January 23, 2018
Got 99 problems but her age ain’t one
A big standout this season has been Bekah M. with the short hair and cool girl vibe. She’s confident, funny, keeps Arie on his toes and is too young to rent a car on her own. This week we found out that, at only 22 years-old, Arie has gray hairs older than her. You’d think a 14 year age difference would have put a quick end to their one-on-one date but I have a feeling Arie’s never seen an aspiring model/nanny he didn’t like. Giving her the date rose was one thing but I still feel uncomfortable thinking about the way he threaded his fingers through her hoop earrings when they kissed. Make it stop.
A photo of Arie the day Bekah was born #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/F2ty0BzNGk
— Drunk Dolphin (@DrunkDolphinGal) January 23, 2018
Vocabulary Lesson
Krystal, the fitness instructor whose voice sounds like she’s one step away from singing “Happy Birthday Mr. President” to a Kennedy, is full on bananas. You know it, I know it, everyone in the casting room when they chose her knew it. There’s bound to be more drama where she’s concerned and let’s face it, we’re here for it. But lest you think she’s the only one, allow me the pleasure of introducing restaurant owner, Marikh who accused one of the other women of “glam-shaming” her. I repeat, she felt shamed for her glam. I can’t wait to accuse my husband of glam-shaming me the next time I make us late because I blinded myself applying false eyelashes…again.
Unconfirmed Gossip
We currently have a three way tie for first place in our Bachelor Fantasy League but I’m ten points behind in second place so I’m over it. Stop glam-shaming me. What I’m not over is the vibe I’m getting that Dean (we adored him on Rachel’s season of The Bachelorette and hated him on Bachelor in Paradise) found love on the slopes of Bachelor Winter Games. February 15th can’t come soon enough. Save us from this boring season with your terrible communication skills, Dean.
Still bitter
As far as I’m concerned, Arie should just be referred to as not-Peter because I’ll never be over it. If you’re wondering what Peter Kraus is up to you need look no further than your smart phone’s app store. Apparently he’s teamed up with NFL showboat Terrell Owens (and some other dude I don’t know who will probably be cast as the Bachelor before Peter) to start Hive Social, an app that connects you to people nearby with similar interests. So if you live in Madison, Wisconsin and you like working out, sharing your bed with a dog, and modern farmhouse apartment decor, you definitely need to download the app and trap Peter into loving you for all eternity. Do it for the rest of us.
That’s it for this week’s state of the Bachelor nation address. What do you think of not-Peter’s season so far? Who is in your top picks? Is there any Bachelor gossip you want me to investigate? Let’s talk in the comments.
