If you’re not one of those people that had their Halloween costume picked out and purchased months ago, then you might still be scrambling for last minute ideas. Thankfully, your costume is only as limited as your imagination. You can try a Punny costume-they’re cheap, and great conversation starters! Or maybe you’re a fan of the Classics-you can’t go wrong as a ghost or vampire. And sexy witch never goes out of style, am I right?
Her broomstick brings all the boys to the yard Source
But I’m writing to say that there are a few costumes where you CAN go wrong. Some are ridiculous, or racist, and some just give me the creeps (and not in a good way). Here are my Bad Halloween Costumes of 2017.
Sexy Goldfish
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. The cute goldfish from Pinoccio, sure. Finding Nemo, heck yeah! But SEXY GOLDFISH? What in the name of Kylie Jenner’s unborn baby is sexy about a goldfish? Was the internet completely sold out of sexy kitten costumes? I don’t understand what this costume is trying to accomplish. You have other options, dammit! Just don’t. Try This Instead: Be a rebel mermaid, which is apparently a thing. Edgier than Ariel, cooler without the cliché mermaid skirt, this fits the bill fit for sexy aquatic creature without being subject to ridicule.
Sexy Ebola Doctor
Some idiot(s) actually came up with this. Created a design, presumably ran it by some figure of authority, got the stamp of approval. So many chances for someone to say “Hmmm, maybe this crosses a line.” I shouldn’t need to explain why this is wrong. Ebola is a vicious contagion that has killed thousands. The doctors who volunteer to treat those infected literally risk (and often lose) their lives. Let’s allow some things to be sacred and free of sexualization, hmm? Try This Instead: Hit up thrift stores for a pioneer dress and go as Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell, the first female doctor in the United States. There’s nothing sexier than a determined 1800’s woman who gave prejudice the middle finger and graduated first in her class (of only men). More reasons she’s awesome? She went on to found several medical schools for women, and fiercely championed the anti-slavery and women’s rights movements, before it was cool. Now that’s a sexy doctor.
Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell (1821-1910) Source
Clown
My only argument against this costume is that it is scary AF. Too scary. Remember the Killer Clown craze of 2016? Reports of creepy clowns prowling neighborhoods and scaring kids swept the globe and it was legit frightening. Now I have nothing against frightening costumes, but if your choice makes even adults crap their pants and fear for their lives then maybe it’s a bit much. Try This Instead: Be a Disney villain. Maleficent was the star of all my childhood nightmares, but I recall them fondly now as an adult. She was gloriously, irredeemably evil, but even as a child I knew I wouldn’t actually find her under my bed or haunting the neighborhood. And she’s BY FAR the sexiest Disney baddie, so you’d kill two birds with one costume.
Sexy Native American
Let me talk to you a little bit about cultural appropriation. This term is one I had never even heard of before last year, but it’s quickly become an important concept to consider, especially around Halloween. A much more knowledgeable writer than myself has explained it fully here, but her quick definition is this:
a particular power dynamic in which members of a dominant culture take elements from a culture of people who have been systematically oppressed by that dominant group.
History has proven that our white, European forefathers were really good at oppression. We came, we conquered, we rounded up and expelled indigenous peoples. Or we killed them. Or we shipped them over and bought them as slaves. It’s a hard fact that gets glossed over in schools, and it’s resulted in a lot of adults who think racism “isn’t a problem anymore.” Wrong. It IS a problem, it’s just gone deeper underground. It’s not as obvious as KKK marches or segregated drinking fountains. Racism today shows up in a dozen casual ways, and it’s never more apparent than at Halloween. Many of the best-selling costumes are from minority cultures. Sexy Pocahontas, War Chief, Gypsy fortune teller. Regalia, symbolism, and heritage sewn up in cheap polyester and feathers and sold to white folk who don’t understand its significance to the culture it originated from. There’s a great article here from a Native American perspective on offensive Halloween costumes, and a video where six young women of color explain their reactions to costumes depicting their culture.
Why can’t we all just have fun?
Of course there are people on the other side of the issue who think everyone just needs to calm down, stop being easily offended, and just let people have fun. Figuring out what is and what is not cultural appropriation is a murky business. Is it wrong to want to experience and enjoy a different culture? Should everyone just stick to their own food, dress, country, and clothing? Of course not! There’s a difference between experiencing or borrowing from a culture and exploiting it, and context is super important in making that distinction. In the context of Halloween, I feel the safest route is just to avoid it. Is that Sexy Senorita costume really worth the offense and hurt it could cause? Particularly when there are literally a thousand better options you could choose? Even (gulp) Sexy Goldfish. Try This Instead: Let’s all just be Wonder Woman. She’s the best.
