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It’s been 19 seasons since Big Brother first jumped onto summer TV screens in the first big rush of reality, alongside another perennial fave Survivor. Now I’m about to tell you something I’m maybe not the most proud of but who cares: I’ve watched EVERY season of Big Brother. Yes, all 19 seasons. All 9439023407347084 episodes of this show. And it’s GREAT. Ok, like 65% great.
It’s the perfect summer filler show because CBS airs THREE episodes a week of Big Brother and sometimes more depending on how much content they need to fill. Sunday night (sorry Game of Thrones. LOLZJKJKJKJK), Wednesday night and then a LIVE show on Thursday. It’s A LOT to keep up with. PLUS add in the LIVE FEEDS that you can watch online or via the CBS app, not that I have it or anything. Ok, I do. AND there’s a show that airs at midnight on Showtime called Big Brother After Dark which is essentially supposed to be the sexier, late night version of the live show. In reality it’s super bored house guests, sitting around talking about crap, eating cereal, sleeping or VERY occasionally (like two times I’ve ever seen) getting into fights, skinny dipper, etc. When I start watching the live feeds or After Dark near the end of the season, I KNOW I’ve become obsessed with that season.
These people WANT to be famous sooooo bad, like Bachelor / Rock of Love / The Voice levels of desperation to be famous. We’re talking “VIP Waitresses” from LA, Rodeo Clowns, Time Share Sales people, and the worst offender of them all fame-adjacent: Frankie Grande aka Ariana’s brother. About three of them have gone on to do anything of note:
Frankie Grande – hosts some sort of online fashion show now but I’ll never forget the moment he finally decided to share that Ariana was his sister and the first person he told said, Ariana WHO?! That my friends is some grade A shade. Almost as good as Mariah’s infamous line “I don’t know her.”
Jeff and Jordan – This showmance actually paid off as it became a real life romance, they got married, had a baby, were on Survivor AND Jeff hosts all the online and after shows with the booted contestants.
Dr Will aka Will Kirby – Arguably Big Brother’s best player ever – he won the second season of Big Brother without ever winning Head of Household. You might know him as Dr Tatt-off if you live in LA, will is a sorta-famous dermatologist.
It’s a reality show but it’s ALSO a game show which makes it that much more fun. AND it’s not just physical competitions, a HUGE part of playing Big Brother is playing a SOCIAL game. Who likes you, you tolerates you, who can you work with and create alliances with that will take you to the end of the game? People who play the best social game are usually the winners, not the crazy competitive ones or the people who cause drama from day one. There’s a reason why Paul (a current House guest) almost won the game last year and came back to dominate this year: his social game is ON POINT. If you ever play Big Brother, my advice after watching 19 seasons is to lay low for as many weeks as you can, find a solid couple people to align with and don’t be an asshole. You’re welcome. You can mail me half the of 500k when you win.
Put 16 mostly hot people in tight quarters with no lifeline to the outside, through in skimpy clothing, a pool and emotions and it’s the perfect recipe for hookups or as Big Brother calls them: Showmances, a show romance. Kids, let me tell you 99% of Showmances lead to eviction for one or both and usually don’t last on the outside. If you’r really looking to win, DO NOT get involved in a Showmance. Besides we can watch The Bachelor if we wanna see unwarranted hookups, embarrassing relationship moments and sometimes sex. This season’s “Jody” aka Jessica (the aforementioned VIP cocktail waitress) and Cody, the war vet who clearly needs to see a counselor hooked up after barely stepping into the house and (spoiler alert) were public enemy number one for weeks until they were finally pushed out. And guess who else is up next on the House’s radar? The two other Showmances.
One of my favorites things about Big Brother is that they TRY to cast all ages. Usually at least one or two people over 35 make it into the House each summer. Back when the show first started, this number was much higher than the hot folks, but times change. Thank goodness for Boston Dad, Kevin on this summer’s BB. Big Brother, if you’re listening PLEASE cast MORE “older” people, they make the show far more interesting than VIP Waitresses and Construction Workers.
Big Brother is on tonight and Sunday night and pretty much every other night through September. Jump in now ya’ll, it’s been on for 19 seasons, it’s here to stay!
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