To be fair, my ideal fantasy suite is a room with a door that locks and 10 uninterrupted hours of sleep so I should probably stop complaining. (But I won’t.) Here are the top moments from this week’s episode of The Bachelorette with gif reactions.
Babies Everywhere
Usually, after Dean was sent home following his heartbreaking hometown date, the remaining men would never see each other again except at rose ceremonies. Unfortunately for us them Rachel’s pregnant sister ruined everything, so they all had to hang out in a hotel room in Dallas while she released them one by one for visitation hour. They seemed about as happy about it as the rest of us. Fortunately, all was nearly forgiven when she took Peter to a store to pick out a gift for the unborn baby who is ruining my whole week. Listen, I don’t care who you are, Peter picking out baby clothes is the stuff vision boards are made of. He perused the racks of tiny clothing declaring, “I really like the matching stuff, I’m not going to lie,” and America was like, “We really like you, we’re not going to lie.”
My reaction.
Peter is Too honest
As if seeing him pick out tiny baby onesies wasn’t enough, Peter burrowed his way further into my heart like the silver fox he is by telling Rachel that he’s falling in love with her. It’s been like 5 weeks of nonexclusive dating so, it’s about time. Sure, Peter was obviously running scared because Rachel picked him last at the previous rose ceremony, but who cares, because desperate Peter was ridiculously romantic. I’m pretty sure Rachel’s family gave a collective fan girl sigh when he finished telling their love story, but I couldn’t hear it over my own. Then, he played on the ground with her toddler nephew and half the neighborhood simultaneously ovulated. Sadly, the mood was killed when Peter told Rachel’s mom that he wouldn’t ask for her blessing to propose, because he isn’t 100% convinced he’s ready to be engaged. Talk about a buzzkill. Have you ever even seen this show, Peter? You’re supposed to leave all of your convictions at the door so that you get a free ring, a glorified girlfriend, and ringside seats to Dancing with the Stars in the end.
My reaction.
Eric Nails it
Eric is one of those characters on the show who sneaks up on you when you least expect it. You think he’s nothing to worry about and then suddenly he’s right there being genuine and fun. Yes, he pronounces the word “both” as “bowf” and has an SUV full of childhood baggage. Sure, the fact that this is his first experience with love and it’s happening on national television with something akin to Stockholm Syndrome is concerning. But the way he answered Rachel’s mom’s question about what marriage is to him was so sincere. He said it’s, “commitment on all cylinders, compromises, communication, sacrifice, understanding and happiness.” If anyone deserves all of those things, it’s Eric. I believe he’s ready for love. I believe he’s ready to start the family he never had. I just can’t believe that a man who purrs like a cat when he’s flirting just got permission from Rachel’s mom to propose.
My reaction.
Slow Clap for Constance
Rachel’s sister Constance may have ruined everything by being 37 weeks pregnant and unable to travel, but can we all take a moment to appreciate her maternity fashion? I’ve been 37 weeks pregnant three times and do you want to know what I was wearing? Yoga pants and a bad attitude, that’s what. The fact that she stopped bouncing on a birthing ball long enough to be on camera is a miracle, but she did it looking like a movie star. We’re talking she had her hair done, designer blouses, beaded collar necklaces, and still had the energy to give good dating advice to her sister. The only thing I could talk about at 37 weeks pregnant is how much I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore.
My reaction.
BFF’s get the truth
Ugh, fine, I guess we can talk about Bryan now. We get it Rachel, you like Bryan. She likes him so much that she took him to meet her best friends for brunch. Just get a fantasy suite in Spain room already. Bryan was his usual Bryan self, talking about his doctrate in chiropractic like he’s the newest resident on Grey’s Anatomy and professing his love for Rachel. For her part, Rachel was clearly thrilled to introduce Bryan to her friends. She did that thing that girlfriends do where they talk about their boyfriend like he’s not in the room. It’s my favorite. Especially because she spoke for all of Bachelor Nation when she told her friends that she thought Bryan was a “douche bag” when she first met him.
My reaction.
Bryan gets beat up
Rachel may have been playing favorites by introducing Bryan to her besties, but her family didn’t play along. They came out against Bryan with force and I was sitting back cheering them on like it was Monday Night Football and the starting quarterback just got sacked. This is my Superbowl. First, Rachel’s mom pressed Bryan on whose side he would choose in a fight between his mommy and his wife. You guys, he hesitated. He really, truly, hesitated. Run while you have the chance, Rachel or Bryan’s mom will be the one cutting the umblical cord from your first born. Pregnant sister with the good style, Constance called Bryan a “charmer” and everyone generally looked at him like he was crazy for talking about how in love he is, until Rachel finally lost it. She felt like they weren’t giving him a fair chance, but like who cares, because it’s Bryan. Obviously he asked her mom for permission to propose, and she gave it, since Rachel is a grown woman and this isn’t 1932.
My reaction.
Peter spills some tea
You want to know who else doesn’t like Bryan? My boyfriend, Peter. I knew I liked that boring Milwaukeean with the face of an angel and a voice like silk for a reason. Earlier in the episode Peter and Bryan sat in that horrible hotel room waiting for Eric to return with their collective girlfriend and Peter could hardly stand it. He said, “I don’t want to be sitting here with you right now. I’m not going to lie.” Then he made a snide remark about Miami people having “fake boobs, fake asses and fake cheeks” so the shade was real. On a related note, did Peter just confirm that Bryan had his cheeks done or is that fake news?
My reaction.
Someone is Missing
There was one important person missing from Rachel’s family introductions and I’m not talking about her ex, Kevin Durant. Where was her dad? Okay, so apparently United States District Judges can’t appear on reality television dating shows. I can’t imagine why not. I bet seeing the Honorable Judge Sam Lindsay talk to his daughter’s boyfriends would be prime television at the local federal prison. I wonder if Chris Harrison has an inmate following? Anyway, rumor has it that the men did meet Judge Lindsay off camera so, it’s just like a Disney movie love story.
My reaction.
Eric Finally gets a Fantasy
Finally, an hour and a half later we can leave Dallas and the whole extended Lindsay family behind us for what we came here for; fantasy suites. Did I say finally? Finally. First up was Eric for a gorgeous helicopter ride over Northern Spain. Of course, Eric is afraid of heights, but nothing inspires love like being completely terrified, so he went with it. They made wishes on a set of church bells, and generally enjoyed each other’s company. Every time Rachel is with Eric she comments on how their connection grows and surprises her. Sure, because it’s super surprising that spending more time with someone would make your connection grow. The whole date was beautiful and culminated in Eric telling Rachel that he’s in love with her. No qualifications attached this time. This was huge for Eric, it’s the first time he has ever been in love, so what better way to celebrate than with a key to the fantasy suite and some gratuitous morning after shirtless shots? Just kidding, this season sucks so they showed a few wrinkled bed sheets and the two of them grabbing coffee. Add in a few half-feral kids demanding breakfast and it was my life every morning.
My reaction.
We’re counting on you, Peter
The first fantasy date was a dud and the clock was running down on the two hour episode, so Peter was our last hope to redeem it all. Rachel took him to a gorgeous vineyard where a cute little old man named Vitorino serenaded them, a little girl helped them smash grapes, and they were given the key to their own cache of Spanish wine. Things were looking up. Then Peter had to open that big beautiful mouth of his and bring up the whole proposal thing again. Seriously, can’t a girl just get a normal, completely uncomfortable fantasy date to make fun of around here? This is Rachel’s season of The Bachelorette so, of course not.
My reaction.
Peter ruins everything
To most of the world Peter, getting engaged means getting married. It’s one and the same to him. He said, “I plan to do it just as many times as I get married. Which is once.” Peter couldn’t be clearer about his feelings on the subject. The idea of proposing to Rachel in just a few days appears to be out of the question for him unless something drastic happens, which is a big problem for her. Rachel doesn’t think that being engaged is getting married. It’s just getting a huge diamond ring for free committing to stay together on the next part of their journey together post The Bachelorette. This is a pretty common concept in Bachelor world. For instance, Kaitlyn and Shawn have been engaged since their finale but they don’t have any plans to get married in the near future. The engagement is more like a promise. You know, like those annoying couples in high school who wear promise rings but aren’t engaged because their parents would send them to boarding school. To Rachel the proposal signifies commitment, to Peter it signifies marriage, and neither of them are ready to compromise. Peter said, “I don’t know where we go from here to be honest.” While Rachel tearfully ended the episode in an interview saying, “I was hopeful for what Peter and I could be and then just like that I didn’t see it. The best word that I can use to describe what Peter just said to me is that this is devastating. It’s absolutely devastating.” Same, girl.
My reaction.
Coming up next week
You’re all going to have to forgive me, but I’m still not over how this episode ended. I mean, how are they going to just leave us without knowing if my boyfriend, Peter is okay? How are we supposed to watch The Men Tell All next week when Peter is somewhere in Spain making the biggest mistake of my summer TV watch schedule? Somehow we’ll suffer through because the Men Tell All is gold. Lee will be back from 1954 to talk about his fight with Kenny some more. Dean will probably let us stare into his baby blues for old time’s sake. Oh and we’ll pretend that DeMario is still relevant. It’s basically just one big Bachelor in Paradise commercial.
My reaction.
My top pick, no spoilers
Maybe I’m an idiot. Maybe I’m willfully blind, but I’m sticking with Peter for the win. Mostly because I just really don’t like Bryan and I don’t want to type his name more than I have to. Literally anything could happen for her, and the tides seem to be turning in Bryan’s favor, but Peter has been my pick since week one and my superficial love for him will last through the beginning of next season is enternal.
My reaction, always.
What did you think about this week’s episode? Does Peter still have a chance to win this thing? Why did they ruin the fantasy suite episode? What would your fantasy suite bed? Let’s talk in the comments.
