This week on The Bachelorette, JoJo had the task of vetting meeting all four sets of her potential ex in-laws. One of these years, the show runners will recognize how much more efficient it would be to host a Parent’s Weekend back at the mansion complete with picnic games and Chad’s leftover raw sweet potatoes, but not this year. This season, JoJo jet set across four states to determine who has the best genes worth replicating and which of her boyfriends have daddy issues.
Here are my favorite moments from week 8 of JoJo’s journey to find lust love on The Bachelorette with gif reactions.
Chase gets a storyline
You knew JoJo was in Colorado for her first hometown date when Chase showed up wearing the state uniform; a North Face jacket. It’s like they hand you one of those black jackets when you cross the border. “Here’s your skis and your North Face jacket, enjoy the legal marijuana.” Speaking of borders, JoJo noticed that Chase has more walls guarding his heart than Donald Trump can dream up in his darkest fantasy.
Hold up, is that a sad backstory I feel coming? Now that he’s out from the shadow of his doppleganger Jordan with the good hair will we finally get to know something, ANYTHING, about Chase? Yep, but it’s a downer. His parents had what sounds like a very ugly and very volatile divorce when Chase was 8 years-old that has stunted his ability to love. Where was this story when he was on their one-on-one date a few weeks ago? Oh yeah, we were watching Derek cry to Evita. Worth it, carry on.
You could almost hear the producers channeling their inner Reagan whispering, “Tear down those walls” when Chase introduced JoJo to his dad separately from the rest of his family. Chase figured a nationally televised date was a good time to ask his dad why he divorced his mom like two decades ago, but I never got the answer because I was too busy noticing the lack of railing on Chase’s house. Where did it go? Is there another sad backstory lurking among broken spindles somewhere?
That night Chase took JoJo home to meet what is obviously his real, very normal, family so it all got a bit boring after that. I spent most of JoJo’s conversation with his mom wondering how many oversize glasses of wine it took to convince her that wearing a track jacket for her television debut was a good idea. Chase suddenly developed a voice and used it to tell everyone (including JoJo) that he’s in love with her. Take that, daddy issues! JoJo seemed into it, saying she didn’t want to leave. But too bad, so sad, JoJo. You have to leave, you have three other families for me to unfairly judge.
jordan peaked in high school
Next up on the world’s longest walk of shame was a stop in Chico, California to see the house where Aaron Rodgers grew up Jordan. JoJo likes Jordan. In fact, JoJo likes Jordan so much that she’s willing to pretend to be interested in a tour of his high school complete with an introduction to his JV football coach. I’ll never understand this show’s obsession with visiting high schools. In my world a grown man doesn’t visit high school campuses with a camera crew unless he wants a cameo on To Catch a Predator.
After JoJo and Jordan made out in the library, and on the bleachers, and in the courtyard, he finally took her home to meet everyone in his family except the one person we care about. They worked really hard to convince us that the Rodgers’ family has a strained relationship with their famous son and brother, Aaron. Jordan’s older brother (not the one we care about) said they don’t really talk about the NFL superstar, but I’m pretty sure he meant, “We can’t really talk about him because of the nondisclosure agreement he made us sign.”
The rest of JoJo’s introduction to the portion of the Rodgers’ family no one cares about went as expected. Jordan’s dad told her that Jordan is always misjudged while his mom distracted me by looking exactly like Carol from The Walking Dead. Jordan said goodbye and that he loved her to JoJo in front of a disproportionately large fountain in his front yard, but JoJo is struggling. She thinks she’s falling in love with Jordan too, but her experiences with Ben on The Bachelor have made her nervous. What, being told “I love you” and then being broken up to the next day confuses you? That’s weird. Overall this date was boring , but JoJo clearly likes Jordan, so okay, whatever, you do you.
My reaction.
Robby has baggage
Soon JoJo was leaving California for a quick stop in Florida to see how many buttons Robby has undone on his inevitably pastel colored shirt. Robby loves JoJo. No really, he loves JoJo. If you’re not sure, he’ll say it over and over again until you don’t believe it at all believe it. JoJo is having a hard time believing it too considering he just broke up with his long term girlfriend 4 months ago. She is concerned that she is going to end up being Robby’s rebound, but she’s crazy. She’s not his rebound, she’s his assist on the way to The Bachelor.
The issue of Robby’s ex became an ongoing one even as JoJo met his adorable family. Rather than finding out how his mom manages to look that good after having five children, JoJo just asked more questions about his ex. Then his mom dropped the bomb that “out in the world” Robby’s friend started a rumor that he only broke up with his ex to go on the show. I’m sorry, but is that supposed to be shocking? Also, what does “out in the world” mean? Does The Bachelorette film in a Truman Show type environment? Please say yes and that I can be an extra.
Obviously, the rest of their hometown date was wasted on Robby begging JoJo to believe his side of the story. JoJo said that her biggest issue is trust, which makes sense because what girl dating four men at the same time doesn’t consider trust important? Robby was effectively emphatic in his denial of the rumors and the professing of his love. JoJo wasn’t sure what to believe, she’s scared, but she’s not too scared to make out with him before saying goodbye.
My reaction.
Luke Blows it
Finally it was time to visit my boyfriend Luke in his hometown of middle-of-nowhere, Texas. It’s a scientific fact that the moment JoJo lands in Texas she starts speaking with a Forrest Gump-esque Southern accent. Between her sudden drawl and cowboy boots, it was apparent that she was putting on a character. This is not the JoJo that we have come to know and judge. But, who cares because Luke and his bow-legged walk is so cute.
It was difficult to tell if it was her exhaustion from a long week of travel or just the sheer number of people that Luke invited to a BBQ at his parent’s house, but JoJo was clearly overwhelmed. In between introducing her to his bff from junior high, Luke had a sweet conversation with his dad while JoJo just sat around looking scared of being stuck out in the country.
Luke surprised JoJo with a romantic candlelit walk to a meadow adorned with roses in the shape of a heart. There he told her she “has his heart” while a country song played over the cheesiness. Based on the fact that the singer actually sounded talented in the song, it wasn’t a Luke Pell original. I’ll be honest, JoJo looked uncomfortable. I adore Luke, but JoJo is clearly looking for a more sophisticated lifestyle. Bringing her to a country BBQ on his family ranch was a great peek into what I hope will be his season on The Bachelor. But gushing about how much he liked seeing her look so casual, which is nothing like her usual look, may have been a fatal error.
My reaction.
rose ceremony
Now that JoJo had wrapped up her version of the Oregon Trail, it was time for the rose ceremony which inexplicably took place in an airplane hangar. I’ve given up on trying to understand this show. JoJo walked into the ceremony wearing a neoprene gown that doubles as a flotation device. Meanwhile, a voice over explained that she thinks she’s going to have to let Luke go since their connection isn’t as well-developed as she the ones has with the other men. Cue my screams of rage and multiple text messages lighting up my phone exclaiming, “NOT LUKE!”
Just as she was about to begin handing out the roses Luke interrupted her to ask if they could speak. They went outside where he explained that while he said she “has his heart” he meant “I’m in love with you.” Way to complicate things, Luke. JoJo thanked him, sent him inside, and then broke down in hyperventilating tears of distress. What is she supposed to do now that she knows all four of her boyfriends have said the right things are in love with her? We’ll have to find out next week because they stamped a “to be continued” over the end and ruined my night.
My reaction.
next week
Next week we will suffer through be blessed with two nights of The Bachelorette. On Monday, we’ll find out whether or not JoJo breaks my heart by sending Luke home. Then on Tuesday, we’ll get to hear from all of the guys we were happy to forget about during the Men Tell All. I’m hoping to witness a battle to the death between mini-Marine and Chad. A girl can dream.
My reaction.
my picks (no spoilers)
Think she has a type? From left: Jordan, Robby, Chase
They’re doing their best to make us believe there’s a chance for Luke, but I think JoJo’s mind was made up. Quick pause while a single tear trails down my face. My only consolation is that maybe this means Luke will be our Bachelor. I don’t want to live in a world where the only place I can see him is in shameless self-promotion on social media. That’s my job.
Is there any chance she changes her mind to save Luke? How many veins do you think will pop out of Chad’s neck during the Men Tell All? Do I have to watch both nights? Let’s talk in in the comments!
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