It still makes no sense why Jamie, Murtagh or Claire don’t just slit Charlie’s throat and be done with it. All this Sturm und Drang with a side of “around your ass to get to your elbow” machinations when it could all be fixed with a single bloody swipe of a blade. Why go Rube Goldberg when you can go Lizzie Borden?
But I need to move on from my complaint because it’s not going to change. I can think of only two shows on air currently that are nearly perfect in plot, direction and casting, and they are The Americans and Fargo. Perfect is few and far between. It’s why there are 4 stars on the ratings scale to choose from. I loved LOST but that show was hella wonky. I can love a show that isn’t perfect. So I need to let it go for my own sake. You don’t go to television with the plot you want. You go to television with the plot you have.
So let’s get on with my top 10 moments from what I consider the BEST episode so far of Season 2.
1. Blue is the warmest color
I am obsessed with the blue design palette in Jamie and Claire’s bedroom. The velvety blue is so lush, so chill; I want to dive into it. It looks so…expensive. Expensive is my favorite aesthetic. The set designer needs a big high five, because every scene in that room is gorgeous.
And Jamie picking up wee Fergus made my right ovary explode. Then, Channing Tatum announced we are getting a Magic Mike Live show in 2017 at the Hard Rock, and my left ovary exploded. I am now infertile. Which is no big deal because I’m 42 and tired.
2. Jamie is a donkey…like most husbands
“Honest, Claire! I called you a witch because of trollops! It’s the truth! If I didn’t call you La Dame Blanche, I would have had to get a beej from a hoor named Bernadette! And it all worked out in the end! I avoided a rimjob, and it saved your life!”
And Claire should embrace the La Dame Blanche thing. Wear that pale white from head to toe, girl. Mix & match whites is very much on trend this spring. Claire needs to throw on some low slung Derek Lam white pants and flash that baby belly.
3. Mary’s Rape Ruined Her and Freed Her
We have been dealing with the consequences of sexual violence for the first four episodes of season 2. Jamie’s rape has given him PTSD and caused a rift in his relationship with Claire, a rift that is slowly healing. Jamie’s consequences are personal. But for Mary – a lady – her consequences are much more public.
Les Disciples fraternity violated Mary in the streets of Paris. Alex Randall is falsely accused of violating her during the dinner party, and Mary is now ruined. But with ruination comes salvation, because that old “warty” dude will no longer have her for a wife. There is a seemingly happy ending to Mary’s mess because there is a man who wants to have her: Alex Randall. Salvation in the 18th century required a man’s involvement, something Claire found out in Season One.
We noticed that, too: Claire needs a biology lesson. Mary Hawkins can’t get pregnant because the guy wasn’t able to finish? What’s that stuff called that gets your pregnant? Pre-come (I spell it the classy way). You don’t need la petit mort to get la petit bebe.
4. Well, that was easy
I’m not quite sold on why Alex is so in love with Mary. The girl smells like kindergarten, but I guess there is someone for everyone. Donald Trump found a wife three times, so…
But Alex does seem earnest in his affection. Until Clair does what Claire does: sticks her nose in it. Did Alex’s brother get all of the family stubbornness? Because Alex is a pushover. Get that boy some hydrocodone cough syrup and a backbone, stat.
“Condemning Mary to a life of penury! I’m out.” Alex clearly does not believe in bootstraps. He quickly accepts his fate with a shrug. Maybe Mary dodged a bullet afterall.
We noticed that, too: The casting for Alex Randall was perfection. His voice even has the same tone and inflection as BJR. I’m an accent expert. I can tell the difference between a Monks Corner twang and a Broad Street drawl.
And I know for some of you ladies, EGBTT, but for me, it all goes back to tennis.
5. Rub those chin dimples together
Jamie and Le Comte are going into the Maderia wine business together, thanks to the Bonnie Prince.
This sweet fortified wine is excellent for cooking, giving a rich flavor to both sweet and savory dishes. – Bon Appetit magazine
Sweet and savory. Jamie is sweet; Le Comte is savory. Now they need to mix in the right dish, and by dish, I mean four poster bed.
The sexual tension between these two oozes off the screen. Once you guys write this slash fanfic, DM me @BlessAmysHeart. Kthanksbye.
We noticed that, too: Charlie would be an excellent C-level executive. “Don’t plague me with workmen’s concerns.”
6. Sandringham is like No Duh
Sandrigham spent a few hours with the Bonnie Prince and has sized him up correctly. Charlie is a dipshit. And the Duke knows that Jamie knows it, too.
We noticed that, too: Jamie is good at checking out the horseflesh, but I thought the rule was never walk behind a horse. Jamie! Did you not see Mad Men? That’s how Don Draper’s daddy met his end!
7. France is Purty
The costumes! The gardens! Can you imagine Annalise’s Instagram? #lavender #versaille #chezlouis #instaamour #gravelpath #bustle #blessed
Claire’s yellow gloves? Like butter. Not sure what that thing is around Annalise’s neck, though. Party streamer?
8. Now That Is A Villain
I love the setting of the scene for the big “reveal.” The juxtaposition of something so alive and verdant and something – someone – so dead inside. The green grass and perfectly groomed garden, the king looking duh-voine. And then the devil himself, Black Jack Randall.
Black Jack Randall is a real villain. He’s just bad enough to make you unsure what his next move is. Game of Thrones show runners should take note. Their best villain, Ramsay Bolton, has become a one-note, predictable snorefest. When you feed a baby to a pack of dogs, and I think, “So?”, you have failed in giving me a good character.
Outlander is doing it right. The moment BJR appears, I feel it. He gives me sensations. I dread what he is going to do. I dread what Claire is going to do. I dread what Jamie is going to do. I thee dread!
BJR is a romantic psychopath. He desires Jamie still, lighting up when Claire tells him that Jamie is nearby.
Jamie? He’s here? Where?…The fates are toying with us now…The sublime preposterousness of a universe that would guide us to a meeting…
This is a credit to Tobias Menzies. Damn, son. He adds so much presence to Outlander. I didn’t realize how much I had missed BJR until his redcoat appeared on my screen. BJR is a man on a mission. Humiliation at the hands of the French King doesn’t matter. He wants to help Alex, and he will beg on his knees to get it. BJR is nuts, but he is no fool.
9. fight fight fight fight
Surrounded by a sea of boxwood and lamb’s ear, Jamie and BJR arrange their duel like gentlemen. The business is death, but they still have their manners.
With a deluded smile on his face, Jamie says, “I challenged him to a duel and he accepted.” Murtagh is in, because like a good Scot, he is loyal and loves revenge.
We noticed that, too: When Randall touches Jamie…
10. For Fr*nk’s sake. FFS.
This is my new cuss phrase. For Frank’s sake!
Jamie says that learning Randall alive was a gift. A gift that Claire gave him. Claire cannot let Jamie have his revenge, because if he kills Randall now, Frank will never be born. BJR and Mary need to have a baby, and Claire begs Jamie for one year. It’s part of the future!
But Jamie says what we are all thinking: I thought we were here to change the future.
Must I bear everyone’s weakness? May I not have my own?
Gutted. Jamie is not thinking of Claire and the baby. He cannot live while Randall lives; he is that damaged. Claire begs him for a one year delay, and Jamie gives it to her with disgust. Claire is betraying Jamie because she is denying him healing. Jamie can’t even let Claire touch him. This is drama I can get behind.
We noticed that, too: Both Sam and Cait were fantastic in this scene, as was the writing. Such amazing tension that I am praying resolves itself soon in the form of frantic makeup sex.