Hey there! If you are new to Things My Husband Says During Outlander, you may be wondering why anyone is posting stuff from episodes that are already a year old. Well, my husband is a busy dude, and watching Outlander while drunk was about 74th on his List of Shit to Get Done this past year. So … he’s playing catch up in between working like a mad man, making furniture, helping buddies and family members with everything from tree houses to lawn care to car maintenance, and generally being the busiest and the best.
If you’d like to catch up with what we affectionately call #blurtlander … check out all his posts here or follow him on Twitter and don’t judge his grammar. That’s my job.
In this post, Blurtlander watches what is generally considered to be the worst episode of Outlander to date: The Search. There is zero Jamie. He doesn’t care because he’s Team Jenny. Observe.
Seriously, this crush is not subtle
She has the best accent.
Jamie’s sister.
Is it real?
She nice. I like her.
Know who she looks like? Anne Hathaway.
That’s the longest intake of frustrated breath I’ve ever heard*.
*Yes, he means me.
What is this? Some 13th Floor* or some shit.
Keep expecting that guy to come out.
*NO clue what he is talking about. If anyone cares to enlighten me … feel free.
The f*ck she’s like an Indian or something?
Don’t make fun of what I say. I’m not making shit up, this is just the way that I am.
Quit typing what I say and giggling, ASSHOLE.
That is NOT last rites. She’s f***ing wrong about that.
They ain’t getting into heaven with that lazy ass blessing.
*whispers* Why does she have a musket revolver in her pants?
Now it’s in the front of her pants! That’s a continuity problem. LOOK!!!
Him: Now that gun is back in the front! ERROR, yo!
Me: She has two.
Him: Oh.
Blurt Knows Boobs
Are they peeing?
I get that this is some historically accurate show or whatever, but everybody pees so is it something we need to see to know they had to do it in the woods? What is the point.
Oh.
Wait. WTF.
Did she really have a kid? How’d they film that shit?
That’s a really good make up artist because it looks real.
Like really real.
Why TF would you put it in a cup in the first place if you’re going to throw it out?
Just let it squirt to the ground. The cup is … you know …
*45 seconds later*
…. superfluous.
Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio. Stainless Steel 45. No, they were 5.0’s. What do you call those? Desert Eagle 5.0’s. That’s it.
Really? Pffft. That ain’t gonna work.
We’re gonna stick this barrel up your ass.
Oh his foot.
I like her. She’s awesome
Look at that!
I love her. She’s f*cking awesome.
What’s your “bollocks”? Your balls?
What? WTF are you gonna do?
Just kill that motherfucker. Problem solved.
He’s dying anyways.
Him?
Who’s that?
Is that Horrocks?
Is that the dead fiddler guy?
Who TF is that?
Who IS that?
I can’t recognize him.
He’s a Mactavish isn’t he?
He’s that annoying motherfucker, isn’t he?
It’s Not a Competition
Who do you think is more attractive? Claire or Jamie’s sister?
Is he expecting them to like … prepare it? I wouldn’t know what to do with that thing. Is that a duck?
You think Claire is more attractive than Jamie’s sister? For real?
Seriously?
You’re wrong.
What? Why is she telling her to plant potatoes?
*a million questions about the famine and why potatoes and what Claire knows*
*a million questions about who Murtagh is and why he can’t remember*
He’s On Board With This Plan
This plan is pretty smart.
Can’t she be put in jail for telling fortunes?
I didn’t know she did this stuff. I thought she was all sciencey.
This is bullshit about describing Jamie. Because he’s not tall in the show. He’s like 7 feet or whatever in the book. But not on the show. I bet he’s not even 6 feet tall in real life*.
*I explain that IRL Sam is one inch taller than Blurt.
*mumbles* Whatever.
He’s NOT on Board with This Plan
They’re fixing to find him.
Why are people throwing shit at him?
Looks like Claire is eating a tomato. Who just eats tomatoes? Did they even have those back then, there?
No, that song doesn’t work. That’s 400 years later.
Will she get in trouble for doing this? Like being a woman?
IDEK WTF she’s saying … do you?
This is just like awful and horrible and total bullshit. This is ruining it. This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen.
And I’ve seen some dumb shit.
I don’t think people would accept her saying those words.
That’s a pirate hat.
That’s a Russian dance. Looks like Russians.
That’s probably Jamie dancing.
Trying to make some money.
What?
They stole their shit!
That girl is no Claire.
Definitely no Jenny.
Murray McMadFace’s gonna go kill them.
Does Jamie find her in this episode or not?
Because this is getting old.
Maybe Jamie’s on a boat.
Or hiding in a cave.
Plot Twist
GASP!
Who’s he talking about? Jenny’s mom?
He ain’t old enough for that is he?
Is Jamie his actual son?
He’s a good man.
OoOoooOoo it’s McDougallyDoo.
YEAH.
I think they just wrote him into this bc he’s so popular.
I don’t think he is in the book at this point.
What is he? Like a wizard or something?
How does he know where Jamie is?
What.
That’s not a bad trade off. He’s a nice guy.
See? What he just said makes him a nice guy.
I’d marry him.
Thats a big f***ing castle.
They gonna storm it. Ok.
Blurtlander has no idea what he is in for in the last two episodes of season one. As much as he’s overheard me talk about the books and the show, he really has no clue what’s going to happen. I’m actually a little frightened of his reaction!
