Naked Is Better, ‘Murica
Where the hale was Hiddlesbum?!! Sorry not sorry, but if you’re letting your child watch The Night Manager, then they should absolutely get to see the full nudity of Tom Hiddleston that was shown in the UK. They saw his face get bashed in, pretty sure they can handle ten seconds of full moon. The whole concept of ‘sex is bad and naked is shameful’ is one of the worst cultural elements of being American. You know me and Jamie W. have waxed poetic about this topic, but my disappointment Tuesday night was extreme. Where were Tom’s perfectly rounded buttercream butt cheeks? This gif of the English Countryside was NOT a moving image in my AMC edited version of this scene.
Makes me wonder what else AMC deemed appropriate to edit out… I saw Debicki’s tits and nipple, AMC, show me Tom’s ass. This is a MINOR request. Since you couldn’t comply, I demand a refund. Credit my next bill with line item “HIDDLESBUM COMPENSATION,” thank you in advance.
Even my husband pulled a live commentary during this scene and said, “That’s it? Well that was rather quick.” INDEED, HUSBAND, INDEED. Whoever this Gerri person on Twitter is (your tweet came up when I was searching Tomblr for #hiddlesbum #nightmanager, @bandgeek4sure), they NAILED IT with my sentiments:
Other than that drama and utter shamefulness on AMC’s end (FUCK YOU, CENSURES!), let’s chat about the rest of the episode…
Corky’s Groping Tantrum
Maybe the US didn’t get any hiddlesbum, but Tom Hollander sure as hell did. That weird restaurant scene in which Jed and Pine can’t quit eye fucking one another and Corky has had it up to here with all their sexual tension and him not getting any PLUS Pine stealing his spot as Roper’s righthand man ALL while being questionably legit as a trustworthy guy, and his little self explodes with anger and pent up frustrations.
He pulls a Hamlet Act III, Scene ii trying to expose Pine to Roper. In the process of Pine manhandling Corky away from the lobster fiasco, the Major Corkoran gives him a bit manhood handling himself. Seriously the ass grab and the precise grip on the crotch left me to wonder if this scene was shot before or after Hiddleston peed on Hollander’s jellyfish sting.
But Burr and Pine’s efforts in episode 3 have paid off gloriously in painting Corky as unreliable, and now he just appears a jealous fool to Roper. You can almost see the revenge plot brewing in his big brain in this scene. When he made the comment about how Jed’s beautiful face would be bashed in, I couldn’t help feeling like it was a threat rather than a warning to Pine. I expect something deliciously evil from Corky in the episodes to come.
That Girl Is Poison
I literally sang this chorus out loud when Corky said that line:
As much as I love a good affair, WTF are you doing dallying about with Jed, Jonathan?! You are here for Roper, not to get your dick wet. Clearly this isn’t part of the plan. How could you have forgotten Samira’s gruesome murder so quickly?! This is WHY YOU ARE HERE!!!! (throws hands in the air) Ugh. If I were Burr, I’d be wanting to pull him out too. Unfortunately, he’s in so deep [and in the US version cums so fast] that you can’t pull him out just yet.
But Jed is bad news. Stay Away. Corky may hate you, but he at least isn’t steering you wrong on this one, dude.
All that said, their sexual tension is too good and I want it too hard to say no to it. Clearly so does Pine. So when she saunters into his cottage at night to have a little chat and bond over their secret spy sesh in the alarmed office, I couldn’t help but feel conflicted as he pulls her against his mouth and strokes her flesh with his fingers. “No, Pine!” I screamed while thinking, “GOD YES, PINE.” (in reality, I think I said, “Unf.” and my husband said, “Would you want Tom to do that to you?” and I said, “Every single day and night, yes.” Pretty sure I mentioned how good he looked in that black v-neck tee, too).
This is just too damn hard, you guys. I want Tom naked and having sex, and I want all this sexual tension, but I also don’t want Jonathan Pine to die. And now that he’s banged Jed up against a wall… pretty sure they’re both going to die. But that moment when the back of their hands were almost touching while they were walking to the terrace bar? I LIVE FOR THAT, YOU GUYS! That was the sexiest moment of the entire show for me. Additionally, I feel an obligation to the world to point out how lucky it is Jed and Pine are both 6’2″ and can have comfortable wall sex. Because wall sex usually is NOT comfortable. Especially not with an open back to burn against said wall.
My husband said it best as Roper leads Jed away to go bang her in the hotel, “Isn’t he going to notice he’s sloppy seconds?” I assured him she’d attempt to shower–or at least use the bathroom!–first, but he claims Roper’s too old and too tired and would want it right then. I said she’s hid a lot from Roper, so I bet she can swing hiding Pine’s semen, too. And since Pine went to Istanbul seemingly no harm, no foul, I’m marking the tally Jed/Pine 1, Roper 0. Still, affairs are hard and way awkward.
Is Burr Going to Die, too?
Okay, so maybe this is overkill and not every character is going to die (it’s not George RR Martin, after all), but seriously Burr is in some hot water having to trust Rex Mayhew. Dude still is in a club that doesn’t allow female members! And clearly is NOT trustworthy. “This is operational, so lives are at stake.” Or maybe the Secretary has some clear sketchy vibes to her, Rex. Maybe you don’t share materials and you find another way to preserve Burr’s station as lead of the Limpet operation. Maybe you actually be clever, buddy. Instead you got Juan the Lawyer murdered. GOOD JOB, REX. Standing ovation for your incompetence. Hope you enjoyed Cecile’s rabbit because it’s going to be your last meal, buddy. Not only is everyone onto you, they’re murderers, corrupt, and all getting $5M — and you’re riding your bike to work (which I applaud). So, pretty sure you’re gonna die, whether spooking you worked or not. I’d say try harder next time, but I am not sure you’ll have a next time since Roper knows your name!
I realize Angela Burr is under some stress at this point and that people are dying and she’s trying to protect Pine (which I did NOT think she would, tbh), but seriously Angela you need to chill out and let Pine do what you hired him to do. He’s not messing around and you are jeopardizing his operation trying to tell him that his steamy sex [in the UK version] with Jed is blowing his cover. Only one thing is getting blown here, Angela, and it doesn’t appear to be Joel cuz “that’s in the past.” Step off, woman, and let Pine close this for you. He’s close enough to taste it and your men are gonna die if you keep trying to interfere. Deep cover means deep. Let him tread until he drowns, Burr. Just think of those Iraqi kids whose skin was burned off by chemical weapons. Think of the children and the lung tissue on their mouths, Burr. Roper’s gonna pay. Your cute assistant guy who tried to fix the heating in episode 1 doesn’t need to die in the process!
What did you guys think? How livid were you that AMC edited the sex scene so much?
Bonus pic cuz I couldn’t find this last week in time for posting… what is happening with his penis here? Is that a play of the light or…?
