And he will be named Prince William of the House of C*ckblock
Vikings will be airing its “midseason finale” next week, in which Rollo and Ragnar meet on the battelfield, and creator Michael Hirst has said that “[b]asically in that final showdown everyone’s lives — all our major characters’ lives — are on the line.”
In order to properly prepare fans for next week’s bloodbath, TN has used past events, as well as information from this week’s episode, to predict each character’s odds of survival, probable fan reactions to their deaths and let the showrunners know who it’s okay to dispatch and who we need to stick around!
You had better not, you bastards!!
Ragnar
Fan reaction:
Why kill him: Because this show is run by a bunch of sadists who have no regards for our feels.
JK! You guys are the best! Just don’t kill Ragnar, please!
Also, the power vacuum created by his loss would open up a veritable Machiavellian free-for-all among all the pretenders: Aslaug, Harald, Rollo and even Ecbert could potentially enter the fray and really shake the show up.
We would miss him because: Ragnar is the mad genius who makes this world tick. His ideas in tandem with Floki’s crazy engineering make this show more than just people choppin’ up people for the fun of it. Although there is a lot of that too . . .
Oh yeah, AND because we need our weekly RDA of “crazy eyes.”
Ahhhhhh, now I’m ready to face the day!
How he would die: Either a) in a blaze of glory as he heroically leads the victorious Norsemen through the gates of Paris or b) drowned in a pool of vomit next to his confidant and best friend, Mr. Rotting Decapitated Head Man.
Odds of dying: 50:1 – While I would not put it past anyone to take Ragnar out, I think he needs to climb out of his spider-infested detox hole and redeem himself before his death would make sense.
Floki
Fan reaction:
This just seemed like the most “Floki” way to mourn
Why kill him: Just to stick it to him for killing Athelstan.
Floki has also been experiencing Harbard/Aslaug-related visions, suggesting some sort of communion with the gods (?). Perhaps he needs to be freed of this mortal coil in order to take his meglomania to the next level.
We would miss him because: He makes super cool habitrails and crap, and because he does little dances like this:
Odds of dying: 500:1 – Ultimately, I don’t think his passing at this point would be very powerful. Like Ragnar, he needs some redemption before the assholes powers that be steal him away from us.
Lagertha
Fan reaction:
Why kill her: So the entirety of the Medieval Western world would die off from massive testosterone poisoning. Other than that, it wouldn’t make much sense to kill her off. Especially because she is the most ballsy and self-assured character right now (save perhaps Ecbert), and would be a natural to wear Ragnar’s crown. It was foretold by the Seer that there would be a queen in Kattegatt, but he also gave her this prophecy:
I see a harvest celebrated in blood, I see a trickster whose weapon cleaves you, I see a city made of marble, and a burning, broiling ocean.
I’m thinking this refers to Rome (marble city), but who knows with that kooky Seer!
We would miss her because: After the loss of her baby, we saw again why she and Ragnar are clearly the OTP of this show when he came to comfort and watch over her.
Oh God, Ragnar’s face! His face!!!!!!!
Neither of them are allowed to die until they reunite, and make Kattegatt whole again!! Then all bets are off.
Odds of dying: 1000:1 – Not bloody likely.
Rollo
Fan reaction:
so.angry.
Why kill him: One of these bros has got to go! As Ragnar has been the central character thus far, it stands to reason the Rollo won’t survive the showdown. He’s also done what he needs to do historically by making baby William, and as it looks like he will never have sex again, I’m guessing he’d be fine with checking out now!
We would miss him because: Everything. Just everything.
Odds of dying: 2:1 – Taking into account the fact that Clive Standen has scored a leading role on the new show “Taken,” things are looking verrrry bleak for our Duke/shirtless wonder.
Please put them out of our misery
Aslaug
Fan reaction:
From one slore to another.
Why kill her: By killing her scientists would be able to autopsy her, and scientifically prove that one’s soul can accidentally fall out of one’s netherparts during sex. Aslaug’s morality has been on a steady decline all season, but it seems that after Harbard cleared some of the cobwebs out down below during his most recent visit, she has become an absolute nightmare. Not only did she cement her title as “worst babysitter ever” by presiding over yet another Siggy’s death due to her self-absorption, she and sadistic son Ivar had a good smirk about afterward.
We would miss her because: she needs to survive long enough to be disemboweled with extreme prejudice by Lagertha for stealing her man and letting her granddaughter die.
How she would die: Barring a deadly case of Lagertha’s sword in her neck, I’m rooting for siphillys.
Odds of dying: 500:1
King Harald
Fan reaction:
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Lizzie!
Why kill him: Why not? He and his bro are vile, rapey, murdery bastards whose genetic material must be removed from the communal pool. I’m hoping that Floki has been infiltrating Harald’s band like he did with King Horik, and this week, when Ragnar told Floki he “had one more thing for him to do” it was planning some way to murder these guys real hard!
We would miss him because: Because no reason. Please kill him now.
How he would die: Horribly and painfully, preferably piece by piece.
Odds of dying: 100:1 – If Ragnar dies, Harald will be crucial in the fight for the throne, if he lives, Ragnar is going to need to dispatch him when he returns to glory. So unfortch, he will probably live to see another day of being a dick.
The Emperor
Fan reaction:
A trip to the mall will heal the hole in our hearts!
Why kill him: Charles is facing threats on 2 fronts: Gisla is not approving of daddy’s leadership choices, and seems to be pushing Rollo to do something about it, and now that Odo is out of the way, Roland and his sister have set their sights on climbing up the next rung of the ladder. With a battle looming, there will be ample opportunities for Charles to accidentally wind up dead.
We would miss him because: After Charles requested permission to sleep with Roland’s sister, which was gross, he got much more interesting when his secret second request turned out to be this:
Yasssssss! Turns out Charles and Roland have a lot in common: they are both into sisters and misters!
How he would die: Judging by the rest of the Frankish crew, most likely auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Odds of dying: 200:1 – It could make the Frankish plot more interesting if there is a power void, but I think general Frankish ennui will prevent anyone from taking action.
Note Bene:
I did not include Bjorn, because I feel that the odds are infintessimal that he would be killed after Erlunder came down with a serious case of “stake through his heart”, and after the previous Paris death scare. I also left out Ecbert, because even though he has many, many enemies, none are powerful enough to do anything about it (though I would love to see Judith murder him in his sleep and steal the crown! Bwahahaha!). Also, his death would mean that we would never get to see him interact with this little moppet again:
OMG it’s like Paddington Bear came to life!!
And that’s just too sad!!!
In conclusion
With the looming brother vs brother narrative, combined with Clive’s new job, my money is on Rollo to be the shocking casualty in next week’s episode. For many reasons I’m praying to Odin that I’m wrong (*cough* pecs), but mostly because Rollo’s character has come into his own this season, and the show is at it’s most fun when Rollo and Rags are on opposite sides of the battlefield!
Tune in next week, to see how we did, and so we can all work through our feels together!
Catch all of our Vikings coverage here.
All Vikings images are courtesy of the History Channel.
