It’s hard to believe that only ten weeks ago we were doling out unsolicited (but unerring) advice to the 28 women who would be vying for the heart and attention of Ben. How innocent we all were. Back then we didn’t know that Lauren, the flight attendant from Southern California, and JoJo, the real estate developer from Dallas, would be the last two women standing. Nor did we know that Ben would break all the rules by telling both of them that he is in love with them. No, we were more captivated by that one redhead who referred to herself as “Red Velvet” and with wondering whether or not “Chicken Enthusiast” is an actual job title. It was a simpler time when a woman named Lace regularly wore dresses made of -you guessed it- lace and our biggest concern was speculating on how many eating competitions Olivia could win with her huge mouth. Spoiler alert: It’s a lot of eating competitions; that thing is immense.
Over the past ten weeks Ben has slogged through the muddy waters of polyamory, leaving a wake of beautiful but indiscernible women behind to get to where he is today; engaged and in love. We have been with him every step of the way, laughing as he fended off swimming pigs (That’s not an indictment of his dates. They were literal swimming pigs.) and watching gleefully while he bumbled through awkward breakups. It was like watching the entire pubescence of a growing male in high speed like those VHS tape of plants growing they used to make us watch in science class. He started like a little naïve seed and ended like a full grown man breaking up with one woman on the same day that he proposed to another. I’m so proud. I think.
Here are my favorite moments from the final episode of The Bachelor and the After the Final Rose special with gif reactions.
Lauren Meets the Parents
The final episode began with the arrival of Ben’s parents to Jamaica where they would meet both of the women whom remain from the whittled down harem. Before beginning the introductions, Ben told his parents that not only is he in love, but he is in love with both women and he has told them as much. Ben’s mom’s reaction to this news can best be described as WTF. Things were not off to a great start.
First up was Lauren who has been looking forward to meeting Ben’s parents since she brought it up on their first date in that hot tub that was plopped down in the middle of nowhere. I suppose it’s sweet that she has always shown interest in his family if you’re into that sort of thing, but mostly I just keep thinking about that hot tub. Where did it come from? How did they get electricity to it? I like to picture Bachelor interns pedaling bikes to run a generator somewhere in the background.
It was quickly apparent that Lauren was a hit with Ben’s dad, but his mom was not so easily impressed. She was an impenetrable wall of judgment with that dolphin jumping through a hoop necklace she was wearing. I kept picturing her standing in front of Ben yelling “You shall not pass” like Gandalf in one of those Lord of the Ring movies I slept through. At one point Lauren called Ben “seemingly perfect” and his mom scoffed like a junior higher being told there isn’t wifi. Talk about a tough crowd. After doing her best to impress her potential in-laws, Lauren let Ben walk her out to her ride where she told him that to her marriage is “like, a really big commitment.” You know, because everyone else in the world thinks marriage is no big deal.
My reaction.
JoJo Meets the Parents
No you’re not having deja vu, there really is another woman coming to meet Ben’s parents. This time it’s JoJo bearing a gift of orchids nestled in a conch shell. That gift shouldn’t have any issues clearing customs for the flight back to Indiana. Using the old SAT logic question format, Lauren is to Ben’s dad what JoJo is to mommy dearest. If they had voted in our very official Bachelor winner poll a few weeks ago they would have cancelled each other out. It wasn’t really clear why Ben’s mom favored JoJo, but she was quick to assure girlfriend #2 that Ben said he feels safe with her. That sounds like a ringing endorsement to me and we all know how much of a mama’s boy Ben is.
Before she left, JoJo told Ben that there’s zero doubt in her mind about their relationship which only confused Ben more. He looked to his parents for clarity, but all he got was assurance that either woman he proposed to would say yes and some judging looks from his mom for falling in love with two women. Ben’s mom is all of us.
My reaction.
Lauren’s last date
The next morning Ben donned a pair of his uncomfortable looking swim trunks to meet Lauren on a boat. They snuggled on the bow overlooking the blue waters of Jamaica in what should have been a romantic moment, but was mostly just awkward. Ben looked like he hadn’t slept in a month. What’s wrong Ben, having a little trouble deciding which girlfriend to dream about at night? Lauren would have had to be an idiot to miss the cues that something wasn’t quite right. At one point she asked him what he was thinking and he hesitated before responding with, “You’re beautiful.” Someone has been brushing up on Husband 101, hasn’t he?
The awkwardness continued that night at Lauren’s hotel room where I honestly thought Ben was trying to break up with her. She asked him if he had any doubts about their relationship and he just kept talking about how their relationship is so perfect. Somehow in Ben’s twisted Bachelor-blind brain perfect meant that they hadn’t experienced enough difficulty to know how they’d handle the hard times. Because everyone knows that you should have experienced all that life has to offer in the first 6 weeks of meeting someone. Ben left Lauren for the last time before the big decision with the ominous parting words “no matter what happens, you’ve made me a better person” and I assume Lauren spent the rest of the night curled up in a ball crying.
My reaction.
JoJo Gets a last date too
I hope Ben wasn’t planning on finally getting a good night’s sleep because it was time for JoJo to get her last date too. Unlike his date with Lauren, Ben actually smiled and showed affection on their drive in a jeep to yet another waterfall and swimming hole. Any excuse to get a shot of JoJo stripping down to a bikini, am I right? She hugged Ben and asked him if he could feel her heart and I was like, “let’s be honest, no one is feeling anything through those gravity defying tatas.”
Everyone knows that I am #TeamLauren but that doesn’t take away from the fact that JoJo is wonderful. She is articulate and has a way of drawing Ben out of his shell that Lauren simple doesn’t do. After they spent the requisite time half naked on camera they went back to her hotel room where Ben continued to be comfortable and affectionate with her in a way that he wasn’t with Lauren. It seemed like it was going to be Ben and JoJo sitting in a tree and then she took Ben into the bathroom to talk where cameras aren’t allowed. Don’t worry, this is The Bachelor so we go to listen in on their conversation while looking at a still-shot of a tiled hotel bathroom floor. Ben told JoJo that he’s in love with her, but when she asked if he loves Lauren too he said yes and yes, he has told her also. That’s cold, bro. JoJo was expectedly unenthused with this news but she remained confident that their love would win out because Ben hadn’t given her any reason to think otherwise. Except, you know, telling her that he’s in love with someone else too.
My reaction.
Neil Lane brings Rings and Clarity
The next morning the final dates were done and Ben seemed no closer to being ready to make a decision than he was ten weeks ago when we started these shenanigans. He kept referring to himself as “physically lost” but I’m pretty sure he meant metaphorically lost otherwise he should just go to the hotel lobby and get a map from the concierge. You’re welcome for that free traveling pro-tip, Ben. Usually by the time Neil Lane arrives with the suitcase full of my heart’s desire engagement rings the bachelor is confident in his decision of future ex-fiance but, our boy Ben would never make it that easy.
Neil appeared to read my journal aloud to Ben when he asked, “Have you chosen someone? Do you know who it is?” but Ben just stared at him while he pondered the decision. Now I’m thinking that Lauren and JoJo should be reassessing their attraction to Ben. Do you really want to be married to someone who can’t make decisions? Imagine sitting in Home Depot trying to pick out paint colors with this guy. Save yourselves!
In the end Ben came to a decision on both a future wife and ring when he set aside a gorgeous oval cut ring and instead picked an Art Deco ring that was cool in theory, but just not my favorite. Does the ring come with a gift receipt? His poor fiance has to watch him profess his love to another woman in every TV interview she gives for the rest of her life. Let her pick out her own ring, you animals.
My reaction.
And the loser is…
It’s a fact of Bachelor canon that the first woman to exit the helicopter, limo, boat (enter dramatic mode of transportation here) and take the long walk to their shared boyfriend is about to get broken up with. Would it be Lauren in her form fitting blue gown or JoJo in that confusingly pink and nude sequined thing? The music swelled and the tension reached it’s peak as a single heeled foot exited the limo. The camera panned up and just like that a love story was over. It was JoJo.
I often refer to parts of this show as “the worst” but in this case I mean it, because this show is the literal worst when it makes the soon to be dismissed woman confess her love and adoration to the bachelor before he breaks the news to her. It was painful to watch JoJo tell Ben that he’s “worth it” and that she’s “never gonna run from this no matter how hard it gets.” Might want to take those words back, JoJo. Prepare to run.
Finally it was Ben’s turn to speak and you could just see JoJo preparing herself for him to get down on one knee. Then he told her he found love with her, but he found it with someone else more. That’s it. That’s his whole explanation. She asked him when things went wrong and he told her that they never did. Well, that’s just the worst thing ever, Ben. Way to give absolutely no closure to the girl at all. I have enjoyed Ben as the bachelor but there is no question that he is not a wordsmith. Can’t they hire a ghost writer for these kinds of things? Pick me! I could use a Jamaican vacation.
Ben asked if he could walk her to the car and she said “if you want” like she had just graduated from passive aggressive charm school; thus proving that she is a much more mature person than I am, because I would have thrown an orchid filled conch shell at him or something. They hugged goodbye one final time and then parted ways forever or at least until the after show. JoJo was heartbroken in the limo, but she wasn’t mad at Ben, in fact she didn’t like seeing him cry. The only reasonable explanation for her response (besides maturity) is that there’s only so much anger allowed in JoJo’s family and her brother’s have the market on it. Ben should probably reconsider any previously scheduled travel to Texas.
My reaction.
I love you…more
Ben took a few moments to dry his tears and mourn the end of his relationship before his final choice arrived. I haven’t seen anyone look that upset about their decision on the final episode since Jason Mesnick who changed his mind at the After the Final Rose show. Ben mentioned several times that he loved JoJo and could even marry her and have a good life, but at the end of the day he couldn’t imagine a life without Lauren. Just what every woman dreams of hearing on the day they’re being proposed to. “I love you and I want to marry you, but I just as easily could have married that other girl.” Swoon. Shh, forget all that, because the music is changing and the magic of The Bachelor is about to start.
Ben pulled out his cellphone to make a phone call and I’ll be honest, I was 99% sure he was calling his mommy to make sure he was making the right decision. But tricky Ben went and redeemed himself by calling Lauren’s dad to tell him that he’d like to “try and make his daughter the happiest woman in the world, forever” and to request his daughter’s hand in marriage. Mr. Bushnell heartily agreed and Ben hung up to give a fist pump and holler he’s been holding in since his high school football days. Ugh, he’s so cheesy and I love it.
Lauren arrived looking gorgeous and nervous as she stumbled up the plank aisle like it was her first time wearing high heels. She and Ben stood in the middle of a platform surrounded by foliage and painted with a border of blue triangles that looked like it had been repurposed from a Survivor reward challenge. They linked hands and gazed into each other’s eyes while Lauren told Ben that his was the last first kiss she ever wanted to have. I’m fairly certain that’s a Nicholas Spark’s quote, but it worked for her.
Ben responded in his usual unwieldly way when he was finally allowed to say what he has been holding in all season. “Lauren, I never want to say goodbye to you. I want to wake up every morning and kiss you on the face. I want to go to bed at night and know that in the morning I’m gonna wake up to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. My desire from here on out is to live for you, commit to you, love you, hold you, kiss you a lot. Lauren, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Okay, it wasn’t Shakespeare and he mentioned kissing her more than was necessary, but it was happening, people! Team Blauren is a go! I’m changing my Ben and Lauren Wedding Pinterest board to public immediately.
Ben got down on one knee while struggling to remove the ring box from his pocket and then it happened. He asked her to marry him and she (of course) said yes. They excitedly kissed and held each other before he got the goofiest grin on his face and said, “Lauren, you’re my person!” Hold on, I’m dying from cuteness. Ben and Lauren forever. Do you think there’s any chance that they’ll let a camera person into the delivery room for the birth of their first child? Will they name her Heidi after the recapper who placed Lauren in her top picks from week one? Asking for a friend.
My reaction.
After the Final Rose surpises
I hope Ben and Lauren enjoyed their few months of clandestine meetings because their media blitz started immediately following the finale on the live after show. Throughout the finale Chris Harrison popped his well-coiffed head in from the studio to tease us with the promise of more drama at the live After the Final Rose special. If you remember, last week Ben made a throwaway comment about being willing to marry the women he chose “tomorrow.” Naturally that caused The Bachelor producers to fly in Ben’s pastor and go scurrying to the nearest florist for an arch of red roses just in case they could talk the winning couple into a quickie wedding. They couldn’t, but it was pretty hilarious to watch them cut to Ben’s pastor awkwardly flipping through his Bible like there were spoilers hidden in it. You know, spoilers for The Bachelor, not like the end of the world or anything.
First up Chris interviewed Ben and JoJo together for the first time since their breakup. They were expectedly nervous, but JoJo looked good and we all know looking good and being happy is the best revenge when you see an ex for the first time. JoJo said seeing Ben interact with Lauren throughout the show helped her understand his decision and that while she was heartbroken she’s at peace and ready to move on.
Speaking of moving on, JoJo is moving on to bigger and more numerous things, because she’s the new Bachelorette! Over the past week Bachelor Nation responded to casting rumors and with one voice declared that Caila would be the bachelorette over our cold dead bodies. Power to the people! I wonder if that would work with the Presidential election? Oh yeah, that’s called voting.
I’d feel bad for Caila, but you guys, all of my dreams came true! Lauren is with Ben and JoJo is the Bachelorette. It’s like Christmas came early. I can’t wait for the end of May to see more of JoJo in a bikini, her mom drinking champagne straight from the bottles, her angry brothers and 25-30 eligible bachelors for us to judge. God Bless America.
My reaction.
Last 10 minutes of relevance
After JoJo gracefully exited the stage, Ben and Lauren were reunited for the first time in public. She was quick to address the ex-girlfriend elephant in the room by saying that Ben and she had spoken at length about his other relationships on the show long before it aired. So she wasn’t surprised to hear that he had told JoJo that he was in love with her also. Rookie move, Lauren. You could have milked that one in arguments for years to come. She and Ben are very much in love and Lauren plans to relocate to Denver soon.
No, they didn’t get married in the studio during the after show, but Ben did use his last few minutes of relevance to re-propose to Lauren since the first time around he did it minutes after breaking up with his other girlfriend. In true Ben form he bungled it by asking if she’d marry him “again” but we all knew what he meant and he’s so cute I don’t even care.
My reaction.
So that’s a wrap! The Bachelor‘s 20th season is complete and we all get our Monday nights back again. I think this might have been my favorite season ever! Do you agree? Did Ben make the right choice? Will you tune in to watch JoJo on The Bachelorette in May? Tell me in the comments!
Read the entire season’s coverage of The Bachelor here
