I want to simultaneously hug these women for their entertainment value and shake them for demeaning themselves with this pageantry. Okay, mostly I just want to hug them because this show is gold. But really, where do they find these women who are willing to compete for date one guy at the same time as 14 other women? More importantly, are there more where they can from so we can be sure Season 21 happens?
Here are my favorite moments from episode 4 with gif reactions.
Viva Las Vegas
This week’s episode began the traveling portion of the show as Ben and all 14 of his future exes headed to Las Vegas. When the women found out they were finally leaving the bachelor mansion they reacted like they had just had a prison sentence commuted. Don’t get too excited ladies, you may get a trip to Las Vegas but you’ll spend 90% of it inside a hotel room and you won’t even get to see Celine while you’re there. It’s like spring break ’04 all over again.
The first Vegas date was a one-on-one helicopter ride, dinner and fireworks show for Ben and JoJo. JoJo, the 24 year-old Real Estate Developer from Dallas is a beautiful and seemingly well-adjusted adult, which is to say that she and Ben were predictably normal and, therefore, boring. I’m sure there are people out there who watch this show with hearts in their eyes hoping to witness true love blossom, but that’s not me. Bring on the shenanigans.
Their helicopter pilot must have heard my pleas since he made sure to land right in the path of the their romantic champagne brunch for two. The table, glasses and champagne bucket went flying end over end causing JoJo and Ben to hide behind it like Captain America’s shield. Obviously, JoJo took this opportunity to ask how her hair looked before making out with him in full view of the other women watching from the hotel window. That’s me slow clapping in the corner. Later JoJo admitted she ended a 1.5 years long relationship only 5 months ago due to what was maybe, sorta, infidelity on her ex’s part but it wasn’t clear. What was clear is that Ben didn’t care about her ex; she was getting a rose. Fireworks exploded overhead in a not so subtle innuendo and the date ended with a missed opportunity to play “All my life” by K-Ci and (you guessed it) JoJo.
My reaction.
No Talent Show
Being that they were in Las Vegas it was inevitable that the group date would participate in some sort of show. Would they swing from the sky in Cirque du Soleil? Sing backup for Shania? Disappear in a David Copperfield illusion? If you guessed D) put on a talent show for a fifty year-old ventriloquist named Terry you are our winner and equally as sad as the show runners.
That’s right, the group date revolved around faking laughter at a sexually harassing ventriloquist and wracking their brains for any marketable talent to perform in front of a live audience. There was hula dancing, cello playing, even a woman who sang a Bachelor themed version of “Old McDonald” wearing a chicken costume. The talent was overwhelming, really. You know it’s bad when one of the least embarrassing things to happen on this date was when Ben named a puppet “Little Ben” and then demanded that Lauren H. kiss it. The jokes write themselves.
My reaction.
It’s all about olivia
Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse on the group date, there was Olivia. Olivia, possessor of the gigantic ego equalled in berth by only the size of her mouth, has no talent other than the ability to overestimate the level of her relationship with Ben. So naturally she chose to pop out of a cake while barefoot and clad in a red sequined showgirl costume topped off by a cape. At one point Olivia expressed relief that she had shaved before the date and I literally paused the tv to shout “unwanted hair is the least embarrassing thing that could happen to you in this situation!”
You couldn’t help but cringe while she strutted her stuff like an epileptic dodo bird across the stage. She kicked her legs a whopping 6″ into the air while she shimmied like a Rockette reject during Fleet Week. It was as baffling as it was horrifying. I loved every second of it.
After her performance was justifiably maligned, Olivia faked a had a panic attack in Boyz II Men’s green room (not kidding). She was humiliated, but rather than take a few steps back to reassess her position, Olivia took the Vegas theme to heart and doubled down. It was physically painful to watch her dig her own grave deeper and deeper with every compliment she fished from Ben at the after party. He was clearly annoyed with her, but she’s pretty sure he’s just communicating his undying affection in a secret language only she can understand.
My reaction.
Blushing Bride Becca
The next day Becca donned a wedding dress to meet Ben for their one-on-one date at a wedding chapel. After the requisite hokey fake proposal joke Ben and his rent-a-tux explained that he was ordained and would be performing wedding ceremonies that day. Cue the montage of increasingly awkward strangers exchanging vows.
After Becca and Ben pretended the wedding portion of their date was romantic they went to dinner at the Neon Museum where they discussed Becca’s virginity (yawn) and how her experience has been different this season than with Chris Soules (double yawn). Ben gave Becca the date rose and really, they’d probably be a great couple, but they’re just…so…boring. I don’t know if she is just uncomfortable on camera or if she’s an actual real life fembot, but either way I feel like Ben appreciates a little more sass in his girl. Or maybe I’m projecting.
My reaction.
Twinning
Just when we thought the dates were over Ben had a surprise up his neatly rolled up sleeves. That’s right, the Mecca of bachelordom has finally arrived, achievement unlocked, sound the alarms, it’s twins on a two-on-one date.
Identical twins, Emily and Haley were born and raised in Las Vegas so it’s only natural that Ben would take them both home to their mom’s house where he proceeded to dump one of them while SITTING NEXT TO THEIR MOTHER. Of course, first he had to walk through their childhood home and pretend to know which one is which since it’s apparently not polite to refer to twins as Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Emily got the save while Haley stayed home with only a slew of obese dachshunds to keep her company.
My reaction.
Roses Are red, Amber is Blue
The weekly cocktail party commenced as per usual with Ben having to coddle each of the women as he pretended to remember their names. Olivia persisted in apologizing for “out of character behavior” over cheesecake while Ben fought an eyeroll like a champ. She went so far as to tell Ben that she’s falling for him and then lied to JoJo by saying that he reciprocated the feelings. She failed to mention that he reciprocated the feelings in that secret language that she’s delusional about. Jubilee discussed her insecurities with Ben the therapist. While Caila played the cookie game with Ben which entailed balancing an Oreo on their foreheads and scrunching their faces hilariously until it landed in one of their mouths. (It instantly went to the top of my list of party games. I obviously throw ragers.)
Finally it was time for the rose ceremony where two more women would be sent home leaving only 11 women to continue on journey to fill Ben’s guest seat at the Dancing with the Stars studio. Once again Ben gave the last rose of the night to Olivia which led her to the obvious assumption that he is leaving the best for last, but that’s only because she’s horrible at reading facial cues because he looked physically ill having to say her name. In the end repeat Bachelor offender, Amber and unemployed Rachel went home heartbroken. Amber dramatically removed her heels and collapsed into a lounge chair by the pool in her distress while Rachel missed the opportunity to bring her journey full circle by not riding her hoverboard into the horizon.
My reaction.
Next Week
Next Week the ladies are headed to Mexico! Ay Caramba! I’m hoping one of them get Montezuma’s Revenge in a very public location, but if not, we can rest assured that either Olivia or Jubilee with bring the drama. God bless Bachelor Nation.
My reaction.
Top Picks
Clockwise from top left: Lauren B., Becca, JoJo, Caila
My top picks are pretty set, but I’m replacing Amanda with Caila this week because I saw an Ellen interview where Ben referred to her as “sexy.” If my fiance called his ex “sexy” I’d punch him in the face, so she better be a top pick or his perfect little Peter Brady face is in danger.
What did you guys think about Olivia’s talent? Is she ever going to get sent home? Did anyone else notice Ben lean over Amanda to hug Lauren during the group date? Talk to me in the comments!
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*All images not otherwise sourced are courtesy of ABC
