While I’ve been busy dreaming up ways to aggressively spend philanthropically invest my winnings, the remaining women on The Bachelor were also playing the odds. At the beginning of this week’s episode they each had a 1 in 21 chance of winning Ben’s heart and/or an open invitation to Bachelor in Paradise. With three women due to be sent home by the end of this episode, what’s the over/under on how many rejected contestants Chris Harrison picks up on the rebound?
Here are my favorite moments from week 2 with gif reactions.
High School Sweethearts
Remember that guy from high school who kept coming back to hang out in the parking lot after school even though he had already graduated? Ben Higgins is that guy. For the second episode in a row, we find Ben running through the halls of a high school like that old John Mayer song.
This time for a group date, because nothing says romance like bobbing for apples from a tub in a random Los Angeles area cafeteria. No really, that happened. Chris Harrison greeted Ben and his bevy of beauties (Jackie, LB, Lauren H., Becca, Amber, Mandi, JoJo, Jubilee, Jennifer, and Lace) wearing nerdy glasses that left me hot for teacher while he explained the rules of the date. The women would compete in teams of two in a series of school themed tasks, like being the first to make “Ben’s (science project) volcano explode” or trying to place Indiana on a map of the United States. In case you’re wondering, no, Indiana does not lay sideways somewhere over the vicinity of Pennsylvania, but that ode to our public education system did help whittle down the competition until only Mandi the dentist remained. Her reward for paying attention in 4th grade was to go on a romantic trip around the track on the back of a convertible car wearing a fake homecoming sash and a replica of Ben’s letterman jacket. I’m not kidding.
Later that night, after hurriedly changing their clothes in the bathroom stall between 5th and 6th period, the women and Ben had their “normal” date. You know, where the harem sit around on a downtown LA rooftop drinking heavily while they await their turn in the king’s chambers. Or something like that. Ben made a couple of good connections during his one-on-one time, especially with Becca and Jubilee, despite being repeatedly interrupted by an increasingly irrational Lace. But his time on the helipad with JoJo led to her receiving the date rose which means she’s safe until next week.
My reaction.
That one has a mouth on her
While the first group date was destroying my hope in public education, the remaining women were waiting around the mansion for the next date card to arrive. Olivia, the former news anchor and recipient of the first impression rose, was feeling confident that she would get this date. So when the envelope arrived she couldn’t contain her excitement causing her to she open her mouth wide enough to swallow a small town.
Seriously, I’ve never seen anything like it. She opened her mouth and a thousand memes and two parody Twitter accounts were born. The power of her unhinged jaw should not be underestimated. I shouldn’t judge, she mentioned last week that she quit her job to be on the show so maybe she’s just trying to get a free dental exam out of Mandi. Insurance is expensive.
My reaction.
Having a Hart to Hart
Despite her Big Mouth Billy Bass impression, Olivia did not receive the one-on-one date card. That honor when to Caila the cute software sales rep who broke up with her long term boyfriend after seeing Ben on TV last season. That seems stable. Ben and Caila were surprised to find out that their date was being used to advertise for a movie planned by Kevin Hart and Ice Cube. Yes, Kevin Hart the comedian and Ice Cube the rapper/dad-in-a-family-movie-playing-near-you crashed their date. The best parts of this gimmick were 1) How tiny Kevin Hart looked next to 6’4″ Ben 2) Watching Ben completely fanboy over him and 3) Hearing Ben say “Ice Cube” like he was taking drink orders at a country club.
After driving around doing cheap date activities (haggling with the street flower guy, buying champagne at a liquor store and relaxing in a hot tub store display) the two actors left to yell at their representatives for booking this gig while Caila and Ben had a romantic dinner. After discussing their past relationships they went on a walk which led them to a theater marquee with their names on it. Surprise! They entered to find singer/songwriter Amos Lee performing a private concert. Ben fanboyed again and adorably sang along to “his favorite song” while Caila pretended to know who he was. They danced and kissed until Ben gave her the date rose. Caila’s relationship history gives me a major case of side eye, but these two seem like a promising match so far.
My reaction.
Chemistry is a science
Continuing the education theme from earlier in the episode, group date number two (Emily, Shushanna, Sam, Olivia, Haley, and Amanda) focused on STEM. The Bachelor knows how important it is to have women involved in the pseudo-sciences so they put the women through a series of tests to see who is most compatible with Ben. This was all expectedly hokey with eye tracking tests and a strange thermal imaging session, but the pinnacle of awkwardness was achieved with the smell test. They made those women run on treadmills until they had worked up a sweat and then had a blindfolded Ben smell their necks and stomachs! He then had to ascribe descriptive words to their scent like “flowery” or “sweet” and “beachy.” This was all fine and well until he got to poor Samantha whose scent he described as “sour.” SOUR. It was every bit as horrifying as it sounds and only made worse by her losing compatibility score of 2.4/10.
Shushanna gets sniffed
After Samantha mopped her sour sweat and dignity off the floor, Ben and the women found another LA rooftop to have their requisite after party. Ben and single mom Amanda had a great connection, but once again the date rose went to Olivia with her 7.4/10 compatibility score and some serious chemistry with our bachelor. Ben was super proud of Olivia for scoring in the 75th percentile, which for anyone who is paying attention, is only a C average. All of these school themed dates are making sense now.
My reaction.
Not My idea of a party
Finally, the week’s dates were over and it was time for the cocktail party. It was the usual affair with women whining over not getting enough time with Ben while others (*cough* Olivia *cough*) took every opportunity to see their man. This was the part of the episode that really showcased why one of the twins called Ben “the greatest bachelor in the planet of history.” He really is that great. He goes out of his way to make every one of the women feel noticed, even bringing them gifts so they’d know he was thinking of them. Sure, Lauren B. didn’t seem all that interested in his printed screenshot from night one, but it’s the production assistant’s thought that counts, right?
Probably the sweetest moment of the night was when Ben took Amanda aside to make rose hair barrettes for her two daughters. Okay, that sounds so cheesy, but at the time I underlined the words “Ben is the cutest” in my notes so it worked for him. Part of me wants to judge Amanda for leaving her 3 and 2 year-old daughters at home while she went on this show, but I once threatened to leave my kids in a box marked “free” outside of a Whole Foods so, you do you. In the end Ben told Amanda that having kids isn’t a deal breaker and he was so earnest that I believed him.
The real drama of the night came from Lace. You’ll remember Lace from episode one in which she chastised Ben for not making eye contact with her and only her for all eternity. Lace was feeling pretty embarrassed about her earlier behavior and really wanted to let Ben know that she’s working hard to not “let the person I don’t want to be come out.” She did this by letting that person come out. It was bad.
First she told him awkward stories about her youth like how her brothers pretended not to know her on the school bus (I have a feeling they’ll be using that skill in the days to come as well) and then she was chasing him down interrupting his other conversations and just being generally unpleasant. She and her Mellie Grant hair have no chill.
This cocktail party was equal parts swooning over what a sweetheart Ben is and cringing over how desperate these women are for his attention. In other words, it was perfect.
My reaction.
Every Rose Ceremony has its thorn
This week’s rose ceremony had me pausing the TV for a slight girl power rant when the adorable LB chose not to accept Ben’s rose. She decided that this show just wasn’t for her and I love that she was true to herself, but what bothered me was the way she spoke about herself as she came to the decision to leave. No, LB, there is nothing wrong with your personality! You don’t have to do anything different to make yourself more attractive for Ben or any man. You do not have a character defect for not enjoying subjecting yourself to this freak show. I love embracing the absurdity of The Bachelor and I appreciate the women who choose to go on this show, but they’re not better than you; they’re just different. Go, find happiness elsewhere and if all else fails we’ll see you in Paradise. Everyone needs a paid vacation, right?
With LB gone, Amber received the last rose sending Samantha of the unfortunate smell test, Gerontologist Jackie and Mandi the dentist home.
My reaction.
Coming up next week
There are only 18 women left in the race to win Ben’s heart which means it’s time for someone to go full blown crazy. The preview made it like either Olivia or Jubilee will come through for us which means I’ll have lots more opportunities to talk about her mouth. Did I mention how huge it is?
My reaction.
My top picks (no spoilers allowed)
Clockwise from top left: Lauren B., Amanda, Becca, Caila
This week I’m sticking with my fake blondes, but adding in Caila because they were too cute together.
What was your favorite moment this week? Who is in your top three? Did you catch Kris Jenner flirting with Chris Soules on the after show? Let’s discuss it in the comments!
All images are courtesy of ABC unless otherwise noted
