I had a friend call me for advice on something the other day that was by no means life-changing or fundamental, but she told me that she felt this particular thing was “my area of expertise.” More details on that would bore you all to tears, but suffice it to say, it made me wonder about my place in the world, my position among my friends and family as the go-to person for _______. What are my areas of expertise?
This whole post, basically
When it’s your job
For some people, this is easy to unpack. It usually has to do with their chosen profession. My father, for instance, is a fantastic scholar of Scripture. If you need anything related to the task of Biblical exegisis (it’s a thing), he’s your guy. And he probably gets 10-100 calls a week from people asking him questions. As a pastor, it’s his area of expertise.
I call my friend Kerry when I get pregnant because she’s the head of the Labor and Delivery floor of our hospital. (Or I did. I don’t get pregnant anymore). I talk to my friend Dan about local music because he’s a record producer. Their jobs = their area of expertise.
When it’s your passion
On the other end of the spectrum, my husband is not just good at making ridiculous comments while watching television; he’s actually an amazing handyman. He’s THE go-to guy in our circle for all kinds of things: he’s laid gas lines, poured concrete driveways, installed sheetrock, built a shower from the foundation up, repaired roofs. He regularly fixes cars, air conditioners and (CHEESE AND RICE) waverunners. It’s not his job, but he’s still the expert.
I talk to my friend Carlye about making Disney World plans because she goes ALL.THE.TIME and knows everything. We defer to Natasha when it comes to costuming and cosplay because she’s flipping BAWSE at it and we all look like children at the end of a long, torturous Halloween next to her costumed perfection. Again, not their jobs, but their area of expertise.
When it’s YOU
Around here, Tiff is our go-to girl for make-up tips. Her eyebrows are always perfect and her skin in flawless. It’s kind of annoying because my eyebrows are the UNTAMEABLE, but we still go to her with all our questions. I trust her to know what looks good on a face, what’s too much, what’s not enough. She’s an expert.
And if I have questions about anything else … literally anything else … besides slang terms used by millenials, I ask DougalsBeard, who’s an expert at being an adult.
My Areas of Expertise
I used to say when I was younger that I wasn’t really great at anything, but I was mediocre at most things. This was a not-so-subtle self-deprecating way to fish for compliments. Truth was, I was really, really good at a couple of things that really mattered. Like academics. And fine arts. Those things got me full rides to college and made high school not only easy for me, but also fun. But I was seriously mediocre at sports. And nail art. And making mix tapes. And being outside.
These days, I’m still mediocre at most things. I can draw a picture on our dry erase board that approximates what a Mycenean Citadel looked like (#homeschool), but I can’t recreate Outlander, chapter 15 in oil pastels.
source MoooooooOooOoOoooOOooooobs.
So I did some self-reflection, and tried to come up with the two or three things that my friends and family would say, “Call Beth about that.”
It’s My Job: Being with my phone.
This is basically my number one skill.
I know how to use my iPhone and the apps held therein. I am a veritable virtuoso of the iOS. Being good at social media is my job. I have actual smart and successful people that pay me to do it every day. So being good at it is important to me. But I like it as well.
But I should confess. I HAVE made horrific phone-related blunders which have haunted me for years. The dreaded mis-directed text which went directly to the person I was talking about. The NSFW website still up when you go to show your mom those curtains you think she should buy. (NOT THOSE CURTAINS!) The time this week when I totally destroyed our TN group text thread and made us start a new one. ALL THOSE SCREENSHOTS OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS OUTLANDER FANS HAVE DONE…GONE. I’m sorry.
But despite those rookie moves, I’m good at social media. My crowning achievement this year was a hilarious Facebook Cover Photo for a book club group. I’m ROLLING in knowledge over here.
It’s my Passion: Putting words together right
Not that kind …
I get texts regularly from people I talk to all the time, and people I haven’t seen or spoken to in QUITE some time asking about grammar. And while I hate the term “grammar nazi” I am finding myself increasingly incapable of letting my child be tutored by a woman who has misconstrued “lose” and “loose” more than once in her emails to me.
What I would like to say in response
But then last week, someone on twitter corrected me when I used “tenants” when I meant “tenets,” and I found a new negative integer of how many f***s I could not give about homophones, so I guess grammar isn’t really all that important to me.
Writing, however, is. I like it. I write a lot. I enjoy it. I should probably do more of it.
It’s just me: Telling you what books to read
This is my #1 superpower.
Thank you, Nick Hornby* for this absolute truth.
*Oh, you didn’t know Nick Hornby wrote High Fidelity? What have you been reading, you peasant? GO READ HIS FULL OMNIBUS RIGHT NOW.
There I go again. Superpowers aren’t always nice. I like to tell people what to read. What is good right now and what isn’t. And I’m not sure I’m even that good at it. I still haven’t found the next Shura. I haven’t even read that many books. I have LOTS of friends who read far more than I do. ExLibrisKate, for one, has great taste and reads a TON. Lately I’ve just been re-reading the same smut over and over again.
But all someone has to do is ask me what they should read next, and they are getting a 10-thumb-swipe text message of titles. Most of my friends would say that I introduced them to a favorite book or author. Or at the very least that I badgered them into bringing back my Australian copy of Jellicoe Road.
Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Jellicoe Road yet, stop what you are doing and download it immediately. Jonah Griggs does not wait for you to get your shit together. Trust me; recommending books to people is my area of expertise.
Famous Areas of Expertise
Here’s a list of some of our favorite fandom people and what I think they are capable of offering advice on:
Diana Gabaldon: migratory patterns of North American birds
Aaron Tveit: how to make your own fansite on square space
Tom Hiddleston: looking your dad’s age
Benedict Cumberbatch: overcoming no obstacles to become as perfect as you were at birth
Sam Heughan: Anonymous Snapchat
Taylor Swift: branding
Rob Pattinson: ill-fitting pants and every day life
The Civil Wars: how to inhabit a band name in real life
Caitriona Balfe: eye-muscle control in the face of epic eyeroll instigation
Terry Dresbach: how to use Twitter
Karen M Moning: professional portraits
Tobias Menzies: sex
So that brings us full circle. I’m gonna call Tobias later to ask about the sex, and maybe he can ask me about Periscope for Businesses. In the meantime, I can expect people to ask me about: using apps, whether it’s who or whom (it’s usually f***ing WHOM, you morons) and what they should definitley NOT read next. I’d like to be able to say my areas of expertise are like dog training, interior design, parenting, fashion coordination and international travel, but maybe I can work my way toward those.
What are your areas of expertise? Do they revolve around your job, your passion or just YOU? What do you wish they could be?
