Here are the top moments from the Men Tell All with my gif reactions.
JJ Tells All
I’m sure you all remember JJ. He’s the purveyor of puck jokes, one half of the brokeback bachelorette bromance and wears pastels like it’s Easter all year long. If you didn’t remember him before you certainly do after this episode, because he had more screen time than Kaitlyn and every cute blonde in the audience combined. JJ is one of those characters who is surprisingly divisive, but I think he may just be misunderstood. For the record, he and Clint are not gay; they’re just friends and, quite frankly, the constant gay jokes are homophobic and played out. However, watching him stumble though accidental innuendos (“we were intellectually curious about each other”) during his time on the hot seat and seeing his face turn various shades of red in embarrassment was pure entertainment. Plus, his beard game was on point. I can’t wait to watch him get disproportionately aggressive on Bachelor in Paradise.
My reaction. (source)
Hey look, it’s what’s-his-name embarrassing himself!
The Men Tell All episode is especially delightful for reintroducing us to cast members that we never cared about forgot about. For some reason the early dismissals tend to have a lot to say about things they know nothing about. Sadly, we never find out the stuff we actually want to know. Sure, Kupah trooper is mad that Nick got to join the show midway through the season, but he left before I had the chance to make all of my Super Mario/LL Cool J jokes so he should keep his big mouth shut. (Side note to most of the guys: She liked Nick, she didn’t like any of you, get over it.) Corey-with-an-e showed up with strong opinions about basically everything, but never spilled the name of his cosmetic dentist and that’s just not fair. Tony the Healer was surprising mum throughout the episode. Perhaps he was meditating or contemplating the delicate nature of life as represented by bonsai trees. I don’t really know, but I do know I’ll never forgive Chris Harrison for not asking him the most important question of the season: How did Tony get the black eye? HOW DID HE GET THE BLACK EYE?!
At two separate points in the episode Ian got on his knees, bent his prematurely balding head and begged America, the men, Kaitlyn and his mom for forgiveness for being a complete jerk. It was over the top, but I love hearing someone repeatedly refer to himself as humble, because nothing says humility like declaring it about yourself on national TV. Even “all horned up” Ryan was covering his face in secondhand embarrassment and you know it’s bad when the guy with Justin Bieber circa 2010 hair is embarrassed for you. Speaking of bad hair, Justin and Josh were there. Justin still has the 1990s Leonardo DiCaprio hair, but Josh has grown out the infamous butchered half-Mohawk. What he hasn’t outgrown? His bad attitude.
Removing his jacket and rolling up his sleeves really sold the humility routine.
In fashion news, Joe wore white pants that made him look like an old timey ice cream shop worker. He also was not wearing socks and that raised so many questions for me. Where were his socks? Was he wearing stockings? If he was wearing stockings was it because he was influenced by Shawn’s full body Spanx last week? I demand answers!
Finally, everyone’s favorite sidekick, Tanner was on fire last night. Tanner is the comedic relief. He’s the Judy Greer of Bachelorette 2015. You’re not really sure where you’ve seen him before, but he is always popping up in your favorite parts of the show with a pithy remark while leaning back casually in his chair. Plus, he gave epic side-eye to Kaitlyn’s defensive explanation of Nick’s arrival and I love a good side-eye.
My reaction to all these guys. source
Audience Sponsored by Pantene Pro V
These women were shown on screen more than Chris Harrison.
The Men Tell All is filmed in front of a studio audience and they were hilarious this episode. I don’t know if they screen audience members for overly effusive facial expressions and blonde hair extensions, but if so their casting agent deserves a raise.
My reaction. (source)
Bachelor Campaign 2016 continues
Ben H., Jared and Ben Z. looking very two men and a baby. I’ll let you pick which is which.
Ben Z., Ben H., and Jared each got individual time in the hot seat and their interviews were kinda a blur because I was too busy getting lost in the Bens’ collective eyes. Basically they each said “I loved Kaitlyn, she’s wonderful, I’m still single, cast me as the Bachelor?”
Jared is going to appear on Bachelor in Paradise so he’s out of the running, but he still hears the Cranberries’ song “Linger” from his date with Kaitlyn everywhere he goes. Weird, so do I! Is Jared listening to a mixed tape of hits from the 90s that his high school boyfriend gave him too?
Ben Z. admitted that he still hasn’t cried despite having his heart broken by Kaitlyn and everyone sighed and then started a meal train to help him in his time of need. I’m bringing him a casserole and a shoulder to cry on next week. Ben H. said he’s glad Kaitlyn was his bachelorette and was just generally kind and gorgeous. I’d be okay with either of them being chosen as the next bachelor. Who am I kidding? They could pick a convicted felon from the gen pop of a federal prison and I’d still watch with bated breath
My reaction. (source)
Kaitlyn is fun again
Kaitlyn finally came on stage wearing what can only be described as an audition costume for Dancing with the Stars. Stop with the pandering, Kaitlyn; you’re a shoe in. There is no need to wear sequins, netting and enough self tanner for a Kardashian family reunion every time you’re on TV.
In the whirlwind of tears that was the last few episode of The Bachelorette, it was easy to forget that Kaitlyn is hilarious. She has a quick wit and laughs at herself easily. She seems like the type of person who would be a blast at girl’s night. I wonder what Canadians drink at girl’s night. Maple Syrup and Clearly Canadian?
In between being defensive about Nick and watching a blooper reel that could have doubled as a PSA for ornithophobia, Chris Harrison and Kaitlyn highlighted the cyber bullying she has experienced since the show began airing. He even read a few horrible tweets out loud. All I have to say about that is, it wasn’t me! Oh and, hasn’t anyone ever told you not to feed the trolls, Chris?
My reaction. (source)
Coming up in Bachelor Nation
Next week is the finale! Will Kaitlyn choose Shawn or Nick? Is the rejected suitor going to survive it? Seriously, no matter which man she chooses the other one is going to be emotionally destroyed and nothing says entertainment like devastated man meat. Plus, with the end of this season comes the beginning of Bachelor in Paradise and I can’t wait for that freak fest. Chris Harrison made the announcement that Bachelor in Paradise is going to air on both Sunday and Monday nights this season, plus an after show. If I’m calculating that correctly it means 5 hours of television watching every week. There goes my social life.
My reaction. (source)
Did I miss any of your favorite parts from the Men Tell All? Is Ian the humblest humbler in the history of humbledom? Tell me in the comments!
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