To make myself feel better, I have interpreted Taylor Swift’s Instagram life to what I think is REALLY going on behind-the-scenes, as no one, not even Taylor Swift, has a life THAT perfect.
Just Hanging with the Girls
Lorde, pissed because she had to hold Taylor’s shoe for 25 minutes while the photographer hired to come with them on their “girl’s day out” got the perfect shot, angrily wiped the bird shit from the bottom of Tay’s shoe on the ground which Serayah immediately slipped in bringing down the Haim sisters with her causing Halston Sage to shart out the Indian food she was holding in during the photo shoot in surprise.
It didn’t smell good.
Casual Fashion
After this photo, Taylor spilled tomato sauce ALL over the front of that dress after which she met a really hot guy which is the PERFECT “meet cute” except that he has a deadly tomato allergy and ended up in the hospital. He’ll never listen to “I knew you were Trouble” the same again.
Girl’s Night In
After which Selena Gomez slapped Ellie Goulding in the face because WHO WOULD CHEAT ON THAT GINGER, REALLY ELLIE? And the Haim sisters eye-rolled because they’re too hipster for pop girl fights and then PETA showed up and threw pig’s blood on that one Haim girl because #Fur or #feathers or whatever. Taylor did nothing wrong. Obviously.
Godmother-to-be
Guess who just got named Godmother of this little one….. (ME) @jaime_king @kyle_newman
A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on
Immediately Jamie King brought out a fake baby with a real poopy diaper for Taylor to change while she timed her, giving her bonus points is she knew what to do with the penis in case it’s a boy. After which she made her get updated on 12 vaccines plus get tested for multiple diseases common in countries Taylor has recently visited. If there is a trace of illness in her blood, the godmother-ship would be immediately revoked.
Fur-babies
After this cuddle sesh Meredith and Olivia ganged up on Taylor, scratching both her arm and leg and then peed in the shower, which Taylor stepped in after a near-miss with the chunks of hairball throw up all over the marble bathroom floor.
Just Buds
Never not rhyming with @teddysphotos
A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on
This is cute, except afterward Ed Sheeran sent Taylor sad, sad sexts that she just pretended never went through. But they did and he knew it because he saw the read receipt and now Taylor won’t talk to Ed and it’s super awkward and even Ryan Seacrest doesn’t know what to do and the AMAs aren’t sure if there will even BE a show next year…Drama man.
They know!
They were each paid 5 million dollars to take this photo.
Casual travel day
She was completely exhausted from all the other naps she had taken that day.
A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on
Olivia scratched a gash in the leather. And the pilot asked for an autograph. On his groin.
Birthday hangs
Justin Timberlake used her bathroom to poop but forgot to flush.
Accident
GREAT WORK MEREDITH I WAS JUST TRYING TO LOVE YOU AND NOW YOU OWE ME 40 MILLION DOLLARS
A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on
Ed Sheeran did this.
Lounge wear
And now Beyonce won’t talk to her…..
There. I feel better. Finally, we get to the bottom of Taylor Swift’s life. Turns out it ISN’T as perfect as we once thought!
Are you as jealous of the what-looks-to-be-perfection of Taylor Swift’s Life as me?
