The Bachelorette is back in all its glory. A two night premiere brought us three hours of introduction to the new season and its 25 bachelors who are vying for the affection of either Britt or Kaitlyn. That’s right; there were two bachelorettes for the first couple of hours of the premiere up until they had the men vote for which woman they wanted to stay. You know, because men don’t have enough power otherwise. More on that later. I’m literally less than 48 hours away from having my third baby and I was going to fight the urge to recap, but I just COULD NOT. It’s a disease. So here are my reactions to ten of my favorite parts of the premiere (as told by GIFs, naturally).
1. Pitting Two Women Against Each Other
Okay, so the Bachelor franchise isn’t exactly known for its feminist values, but at least The Bachelorette used to give all the power to one female for a season. Not this one! What a great idea to have two beautiful, successful, worthy women stand next to each other and then force men to choose between who they’re going to greet first in the split second they see them for the first time. These women were emoting every insecurity imaginable and it was painful to watch.
My reaction. source
2. Shawn E.’s Car…pool?
Who thought it was a good idea for this guy to drive up in a hot tub on wheels? I promise this picture is way cooler than he’ll ever be and that’s saying something.
My reaction. source
3. Ryan M. Got Wasted and Made Rape Jokes
Yes, Ryan M. gave me my new pick-up line, “I’m all horned up, everybody!” but he also gave me the creeps when he joked about raping another contestant because, “that’s my whole thing.” He was escorted out of the mansion and off the show after grabbing Kailtyn’s ass.
My reaction. source
4. Tony’s Black Eye
When Tony introduced himself to Britt and Kaitlyn? No black eye. By the end of the episode? Black eye. Someone tell me what happened!
My reaction. source
5. Pauly the Security Guard
Ryan M. may have been a drunken idiot, but he did give us the honor of meeting Pauly, the resident bouncer/security guard/rose counter. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of that man meat this season but in really random locations. Perhaps he’ll poke his head up out of the water during a pool party or operate a hot air balloon in the desert. Please? photo source
My reaction. source
6. Every Time Chris Came on Screen
Chris the dentist is stupid hot. He also seems to really like Kaitlyn (after 3 hours in the mansion) so I’m hopeful we’ll get to see more of him. If this man was my dentist I wouldn’t have to lie about flossing anymore.
My reaction. source
7. Put a Rose in the Box (Not a Euphemism)
These strange caskets with a rose shaped hole in them were used for the men to cast their votes when deciding who should be the bachelorette for the whole season. The sexual innuendos were endless. As one contestant voted he said, “The process is really just putting a rose in Kailtyn’s box” and then I giggled like a 6th grader.
My reaction. source
8. Shawn B. Being Incredibly Smooth
Shawn B. may be Ryan Gosling’s slightly less good looking doppelganger. More importantly, this guy has moves. Something about his confidence ratchets him like 5 points up the scale. Plus, he and Kaitlyn have amazing chemistry. They both mentioned love at first sight in their interviews and Shawn B. got the first impression rose.
My reaction. source
9. Britt Goes Home
I still stand by the fact that it was super mean and sexist to prep both of these women for an entire season and then pull the rug out from under one of them. However, if one of them had to go home, I’m glad it was Britt. She and her overly animated gestures would have driven me crazy this season. I mean, I still would have watched (I’m not an idiot) but I’ve always been #TeamKaitlyn.
My reaction. source
10. This Season is Going to be Crazy
Without posting spoilers, this is my reaction to the preview of the rest of the season. I CAN’T WAIT!
I was thoroughly entertained for the entire three hours of the two night premiere which is more than I can say for most episodes of The Bachelor. I live tweet the episodes so you can catch my real time reactions by following my twitter handle @heidirochelle.
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Did I miss any of your favorite scenes from the premiere? How crazy did the scenes from the rest of the season look?! Talk to me in the comments!
