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i hate mother's day

I hate Mother’s Day. For Me

in on 05/08/15 by Bekah 41 Comments

When you find out your mom has cancer you know she’s going to get sick and she’s going to lose her hair. You know her life is going to be rows of pills and vitamins, constant Doctor’s appointments and visits in and out of the hospital. Even though it seems unlikely despite the diagnosis, you even know death is a real possibility. You’ve seen Stepmom. You read the brochures not updated since the 80s that your guidance counselor gave you to read the day after you learned the bad news.

But no one tells you that long after she has died when unspeakable grief turns into normal everyday life and you’ve moved forward without her, that you could spend an evening in tears because a Samsung commercial features text messages from Mom that you could see your mom sending had text messages been a thing when she died. And that a great lunch break can be ruined when you find an email telling you what mom really wants for Mother’s Day is a gift certificate to have her hair removed from your local wax center. And that you’ll laugh so hard at the absurdity of it that it makes you cry. And that after 10 years it still hurts.


 

I hate Mother’s Day for me. I hate Mother’s Day for my three sisters.

9 years feels like a lifetime without her. Miss you mama x

A photo posted by Bekah Buttons (@bekahbuttons) on Sep 17, 2014 at 5:59am PDT

But I love Mother’s Day for my sister Abby who now has a beautiful reason to enjoy the day because of the most adorable 2 year old boy in the universe. Plus she’s growing what is sure to be the most spoiled baby girl our family has ever seen. And we’ve seen a lot of baby girls.

I hate Mother’s Day for the childless women who want to be mothers. And for the mothers who have lost children.


But a few weeks after a holiday I dread every year, comes one I like: Father’s Day. We get to celebrate my dad- who was left with the task of raising one girl just on the cusp of adulthood, 2 teenagers and an 11 year old. Alone. Oh it wasn’t perfect – far from it – but my dad deserves celebration. I love Father’s Day for me.

Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there who say raisin kids is your life

A photo posted by Bekah Buttons (@bekahbuttons) on Jun 15, 2014 at 6:44am PDT

But I hate it for the fatherless.

I hate it for my friend whose father chose her step-mother over her her entire life.

I hate Father’s Day for my step-brother and step-sister who don’t have their dad around to buy “The World’s Best Dad T-shirt” for anymore.

And for my friend whose father’s stroke has made him a shell of his former self.


 

I hate National Siblings Day (actually who doesn’t?) for my friend who has lost both of her sisters. And for my aunt who lost my mom.

I love National Siblings Day because there is nothing, nothing better than being the oldest sister to three amazing incredible girls.

Feeling extremely grateful for these 3 built in best friends today. I’m so lucky to have them xx

A photo posted by Bekah Buttons (@bekahbuttons) on Jan 9, 2015 at 8:04am PST

And it’s pretty incredible that we’ve been blessed with a step-brother and step-sister who have felt like family since the beginning.


 

I hate Mother’s Day. For me. And for you, if you hate it too

But I love it for my oldest childhood friend who has been dreaming of being a mother since we were little girls and who finally has a baby in her arms this Mother’s Day.

This Sunday, celebrate your mom if you’re lucky enough to still have her. If you have kids, celebrate them because they made you a mother. I’m going to shower my sister with love, cry for my mother, and think about all the women in my life who have helped shape me the past 10 years without my mom.

Know that I love your Mother’s Day, but I hate mine.

Happy Mother’s Day xo

PS: Here are some great Mother’s Day Reads I’ve read this week

Letting go of Grief for my Dead Mom
It’s Mother’s Day and I’m pissed
To my Mama, who taught me the most important thing

41 Comments

About Bekah

Bekah’s Current Obsessions: Tacos. Cats. Running her business(es). Her niece and nephews. Sometimes she tweets at @bekahbuttons. (But she usually doesn't.)

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