This week the gods are pulling out all the stops, up to their old tricks and even picking some choice moves from other meddling deities!
Who you callin’ a Sisyphus?
Taking a page from the book of Zeus, the gods thought it would be really hilarious if they made Ragnar’s crew attack Paris in basically exactly the same way they just did, except at night and with fewer warriors. ‘Cuz clearly the problem last time was that it was too easy to see and they had way too much manpower. Yeah, this is totally going to work this time!
I know! I can’t believe they fell for that!
Needless to say, without any significant improvements to their strategy, the vikings got exactly nowhere. On the plus side, the Normans got to show off even more of their cool toys:
That’s gonna leave a mark
I love you like a daughter
What’s some good higher-power meddling without a splash of incest? From Zeus and his sister-wife Hera, to Judah asking daughter-in-law Tamar if he could “come into her” (way to be subtle, The Bible) in the book of Genesis, it is clear that these are folk who don’t wander too far afield to slake their thirst.
This week King Ecbert, tired of the 8th century dating scene, decides the easiest way to get a wife is to just take whatever one happens to be lying around the castle. In this case, she happens to belong to his son.
A perve’s gotta do what a perve’s gotta do!
What are you gonna do, right? Well, it turns out that what Aethelwulf is “gonna do” is start asking his old man some tough questions about why in the hell dear old dad seems to be trying to get him killed. I’m thinking that after Aethelwulf figures out what’s up with his wife, crazy Queen Kwenthrith is going to start to seem pretty sane.
Good old fashioned vengeance
What gods don’t get off on some steely-eyed, bloody revenge? NONE, that’s who! Princess Gisla has proven repeatedly that she is the brains, brawn and ovaries of the Parisian throne, a trait she displayed again when counseled by Count Odo to spare the life of Earl Siegfried. “Um, I’d rather not,” is pretty much what she said.
I am beginning to think Gisla has more than a little bit of Viking in her, especially when this is set against the storyline where Aslaug is pulling a reverse-Gisla-triple-salchow across the water, and condemning a Christian wanderer to death. OMG, Rollo thinks he looooooves her now, wait ’til he finds out what a cold-hearted killer she really is!
Born again
As if the gods did not toy with us enough in this episode, there is the small matter of the THING WHERE I THINK RAGNAR IS TOTALLY GOING TO DIE. LIKE, SOON!
Ragnar spent this episode basically bleeding out of every orifice, and I think we all know that is nothing that even the latest in leech technology is going to cure. On the plus side, we got to see Athelstan again when he showed up to take Ragnar to some lovely warm place where the two of them could frolic on the sandy beaches clad in nothing but the sun’s rays for all eternity.
Yeah, that’s Rocky. Just let that sink in for a minute . . .
On the minus side, seeing Athelstan made me remember how much I miss him, and how much I wish they didn’t kill him off. On the other minus side, the scary guy with the birds (from the very first episode!) also showed up, apparently to ferry Ragnar to his new gig on American Horror Story.
Rags wakes the hell up, and figures he better “get his Christian on” if that previously described scenario involving Athelstan and unlimited pina coladas in the surf is going to happen. To this end he gets baptized on the sly, or so he thought:
You had best just be taking a bath with that priest.
He is soooooo busted! If those internal wounds don’t kill him, I’m sure Floki will be happy to finish him off!
But seriously, what is going to happen if Ragnar dies? I would not be surprised at all, given the vengeful, merciless proclivities of the gods of Vikings on History. But the show really needs a focal point, and while I am more than willing to focus on Rollo, especially right here:
I don’t think they’ve done enough with his character this season to be able to hand the reins over. Plus, I REALLY like Ragnar – he is smart and crazy and funny and psycho, and he is just so much fun!!
What will become of them all if he dies?!!! But at the same time, it is breaking my heart how lost he is without Athelstan, so I kind of want them to be reunited in the afterlife! I don’t know how to handle this!
. . . but mostly just scared.
And do you know what else is scary? There is only ONE MORE EPISODE LEFT in season 3! How are the Vikings going to conquer Paris by then? How are Rollo and Gisla going to meet, do naughty things to one another and make horrible little viking tyrants in just one episode? How is Ecbert’s web of creepy going to totally blow up in his face by the end of the season?! HOW?!!! Oh the gods – you are so cruel!
Tune in next week for the season finale of Vikings!
