Jamie Dornan in Guess the Psycho: Christian Grey or Paul Spector

This weekend: Jamie moved, and I did 75 loads of laundry. Despite being hundreds of miles apart, we stumbled upon a similar conclusion. Paul Spector (from The Fall) IS Christian Grey. It may not be a new realization: no doubt theories about Paul and Christian being the same person have existed as long as Jamie Dornan’s casting has. We just had to talk it out.

Guess the Psycho!

We Need Therapy

Jamie: So I decided to binge watch The Fall season 2 instead of unpack (totally okay with my life choices) and I was struck by the fact that Paul Spector (The Fall) and Christian Grey (50 Shades) are basically the same person.

Beth: I KNOW. Both are brought to screen by the 75-degrees-hotter-than-Robert-Pattinson Jamie Dornan, and if you’re just minding your own business, trolling through tumblr, you aren’t going to be able to tell which one is which.

Jamie: Basically Christian Grey is the less sexy version of Paul Spector. Yes, I realize that is effed up, but damn was he attractive.

Beth: Take away the beard, you have the Dom. Clean shaven, mommy issues and annoying sex rules <<< bearded serial killer.

Jamie: They should just hire the therapists for us now, but so true. I mean, sure the serial killer also has mommy issues that drives the love-strangle, but at least he commits.

Beth: at least you can touch his chest. I mean, if your hands are free, and you are still alive.

So we decided to do a little side-by-psycho comparison, and realized it doesn’t really come down to who is creepier: the panty-hose strangling serial killer with two kids, or the pro-stalking billionaire Dom with mommy issues bigger than his bank account. It’s not ONE or the OTHER. It’s that … THEY ARE THE SAME DUDE.

My Brown-Eyed Girl

Jamie: I wonder at what point Jamie Dornan realized he was actually playing the same exact role.

Beth: Well, The Fall came first and I’m sure he was all YES nice, juicy part I can sink my teeth into. Then 50 came around and all he was sinking his teeth into was Dakota’s inadequate lip.

Jamie: So let’s discuss all the ways that Christian IS Paul. There’s the obsession with brown-haired girl next door types (that look like mommy).

Beth: It’s almost uncanny that it’s the dark haired, button nosed, successful-ish trench coat wearers that do it for both of them.

Jamie: I wonder how many of those same girls (who played Paul’s victims) auditioned for Ana (totally almost wrote Bella).

Beth: I’m sure most of them would have made BETTER Anas. Let’s get back to hair color though because I find it WAY too coincidental that Paul is married to a blonde.

Jamie: Yes yes yes.

Beth:  Like the only women either of them can respect/not want to murder are blonde ones.

Jamie: I guess you’re lucky.. or unlucky (depending on how much you’re into that).

Beth: I’m a natural brunette. OG owner of an “Edward Prefers Brunettes” t-shirt.

Jamie: subtitle: “with small boobs” 🙂

Beth: … with adequate handful/b-cups. Also: Where does this particular hair color psychosis live in reality?

Jamie: Men with deep-routed mommy issues apparently can only work through them by effing them out. And when that’s not enough, you have to beat it out of them while claiming it to be your “kink.”

Beth: Or kill them. I guess men are only truly THAT picky when they are finding victims instead of partners.

Jamie: I feel like if the movie were out and we had stills from both, we could play guess the psycho!

Beth: other than the beard, how would you tell?

Jamie: I guess the beard would be the obvious give away to the hot one.

Beth: JINX. OWE ME A COKE.

Jamie: Dr Pepper.

Beth: Thank you. That point in season 2 where Paul draws the beard onto his police artist image … he’s literally turning Christian Grey into Paul Spector. BEFORE OUR VERY EYES!

Jamie: Quick, everyone get out their sharpies and draw on your screen!

Tight Tup

Beth: Let’s not forget the bondage. Somehow both of these characters have serious rope/tie up fetishes. It’s genuinely disturbing that one is a serial killer and the other THE romantic hero of late (*gag* *hork* *dies*)

Jamie: He plays super creepy so well. Like I wonder if people in his everyday life wonder if they upset him, that he’ll bend them over his knee and spank them.

Beth: I’m scared for him to stare at me.

Jamie: Sorry Mr. Dornan, I forgot to pick up your dry cleaning. TO THE WHIPPING BENCH!

Beth: Cant we just go back to the regular sex-enjoying Sherriff of Nottingham days? Or whatever he was on OUAT?

Jamie: Can we just go back to his Calvin Klein ads?

Beth: YES PLEASE

Beth: And what is with the tying up of virgins bit?

Jamie: with their virginal white shirts

Beth: And both virgins are like, “YES PLEASE”

Beth: Seriously, how many other male roles on TV and film lately have tied up virgins and left them wanting? JUST THESE TWO. Just these two played by the same damn actor. Just these two that are creepily and totally 100% similar.

Jamie: First times should always be ROUGH…basically he mind-effs them so much that they don’t even know what they are saying yes to.

Beth: I like how you just say “he” since we’ve already melded them into one character.

Jamie: If that were me, I’d be more afraid of tickling than anything else. That just seems like a nightmare/passout situation where there is no escaping the tickler.

Beth: Yeah, no fun.

Jamie: I don’t know what that says about me…less scared of the P in V while being tied up, more scared of being tickled until I pass out.

Beth: Oxygen is a sacred commodity. And now we are back full circle to Jamie Dornan strangling us.

Jamie: Which makes me think of Copernicus the homicidal monkey…”A hug is a strangle you haven’t finished yet.”

Guess the Psycho!

Cat Fighting is SOOOOooooOoOo right now

Beth: What about one of his blondes going after his little virgin and fighting? That’s basically Mrs Robinson and Ana with the martini scene when Paul’s wife bitches out the babysitter.

Jamie: Scene by scene, we’re uncracking the code. Both women attempting to stake their claim, mark their territory and failing miserably.

Beth: both getting on the phone and bitching him out later

Jamie: Don’t they know that Paul/Christian like their virginal Brunettes?

Beth: Go back to using the collective “he.” Unless he’s being dominated by Gillian Anderson and her red fingernails.

 

Jamie: We all want to be dominated by Gillian Anderson and her red fingernails (as demonstrated by ALL the men in the police department).

 

Beth: Don’t get me stared on how she’s EVERY woman. Truth be told, SHE’s the Bella of The Fall. NO MAN CAN RESIST.

Guess the Psycho!

Baby Daddy

 

Beth: What about the whole being totally unsupportive pregnancy thing? SPOILER ALERT for later Fifty Books. Idk maybe she took that out of the fic for the book version.

Jamie: (psst, I never read them, just let you tell me about them)

Beth: oh who am I kidding, she just search and replaced those names.

 

Jamie: haha, what Ana/Bella gets pregnant and Christian/Edward doesn’t want her to have his demon baby? Couldn’t have called that one.

Beth: OH MAN. How’d you guess? And maybe he yells at her a bit. MAYBE he calls his crazy ex to ask him what to do. What he doesn’t do is have Jose/Jacob come comfort her.

Jamie: I’m sure Jose/Jacob doesn’t want her to have the baby either.

Beth: Actually pretty sure Jose drops off the planet after his plot device has been utilized.

Jamie: LOL, I feel like Jacob/Jose also could be the young detective that Gillian sexes at the end of season 2. Like she becomes the Bella.

Guess the Psycho!

It’s not you, Jamie Dornan

Beth:  I think we can say with certainty though that none of this is Jamie’s fault. You can only stare compulsively at brunette vrigins with the intent to hurt them so many ways.

Jamie: The struggle is real.

 

Beth: I wonder if the studio that made The Fall is the one that Icy and her husband worked for, before she made her millions on the backs on Twific readers.

Jamie: OOOOH

Beth: What if the Fall is just … FIFTY FANFIC.

Jamie: That would be the best scandal of all, but you know then all the 50 fans would be, see it’s NOT Twilight!

Beth: No, the progression would go Twilight –> good Twific —> Master of the Universe —> Fifty Shades —-> The Fall

Jamie: We need a good infographic because I think we just cracked the case!

Beth: I’m like fanfic sleuth. Nancy Drew and the Case of the Jackass BNA.

Guess the Psycho!

 

Christian vs Paul

Jamie: So what would you see Christian does better than Paul and vise versa?

Beth: What does Christian do BETTER? He leaves his victims breathing.

Jamie: He can pay their medical bills.

Beth: He has a better wardrobe. Money, I guess is the best pro for Christian. Money and oxygen.

Jamie: oh man. Money & Oxygen. Two words to win ALL the ladies.

 

Beth: What is Paul better at? He’s slightly more supportive of his impending fatherhood.

Jamie: Kind to small children…teaches them tongue teasers. He’s the better charmer. I feel like C is probably a dick to everyone, while Paul is actually quite charming (to most women’s detriment).

Beth: To most slim, brunette women’s detriment. Paul is more creative. All the drawing and mannequin styling and such.

 

Jamie: He really takes his kink up a notch.

Beth: Christian at least listens to safewords, makes sure his victims know it’s their fault for not saying no.

 

Jamie: So it boils down to, Paul is better with kids, charming, kinky. I know who I’d rather.

Beth: Ok, I think “kinky” is a stretch. That’s painting him awfully Monet.

 

Jamie: Okay, I’ll take it back, but the clear winner of the non-existent contest has to be Paul, no?

Beth:  Paul is hotter, and less of a dick, but Christian will leave you breathing. It’s a toss up.

_{Gif Source} 

What do you think? Do you agree with Jamie that Paul is better, or do you value your respiratory system? Will you be seeing Fifty Shades on Valentine’s Day or having hot mama sex with your husband? <— That lady can’t spell Bee Gee’s. Her argument is invalid.