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The Chrises: Killing You With Kindness

in on 01/22/15 by Lorena 12 Comments

After such a badass SOTU address, I am totally fired up to take on life and be an American. This includes bothering to give a crap about this American tradition called The Super Bowl, or as Jamie W. likes to call it, “Sports Ball” (which adorably reminds me of Ben Foster; but, let’s be honest, most things do).

While I’ve never lived in Seattle, I did live in Portland for 3 years and visited Seattle a lot. And my husband did interview Russell Wilson at the Rose Bowl and thought, “I really like this guy. I hope he does well.”  You know, like how Tom Hiddleston saw Benedict Cumberbatch in a play some years ago and thought, “I really like this guy. I hope he gets all the credit he deserves.” (yes, I did just compare my husband to Tom Hiddleston again; eventually you guys will come to realize that I’ve been trying to subtly state that I am married to Tom Hiddleston).

TomBen

source

Super Hero Smack Talk

But I am not the only person who is cheering on the Seattle Seahawks with a fervor that belongs to lifelong, diehard fans.  No, no. In fact, there’s a little wager going on in the Twittersphere between a couple of Marvelous superhero Chrises. You might have heard about it…

TheBet

WHAT?! A Seahawk is something Tom Brady HUNTS?! #inappropriateCap

I mean, Pratt at least referenced one of YOUR actual lines from Avengers, Evans. Be more clever man, or prepare to LOSE.

What Are the Stakes?

So, Evans wants to know the stakes, because it isn’t legit smack talk betting without real stakes. My boy Pratt is quick to deliver in typical Russell Wilson style:

Stakes-pratt

And when I say Russell Wilson Style, I mean that Russell Wilson goes to Seattle Children’s every Tuesday and is the leader of the Strong Against Cancer movement at the hospital (get your tissues ready before watching if you’re feeling emotional today):

source

Maybe Tom Brady does this too, what with his perfect diet and teeth and hair and eyes and supermodel wife, but you know what? I don’t care. Amy will have to come and defend her boy if she wants to, because I’m not going to. Screw the Patriots! Me and the Cap are totally at war here. Glad I got Star-Lord on my side cuz he’s half-Terran, half-Angel (my guess). What is Cap? A 90 year old virgin?  I didn’t like Edward Cullen then and I sure as hell don’t want him now! Take your morals and go, Captain. I have my slutty Star-Lord, and we’re going all the way again. All the way to the top that is. #fortheactualwin

Speaking of doing something a little bad, did they ever figure out if the Patriots cheated yet again? Actually, it doesn’t matter, since there’s basically no punishment for it.

Back to the topic, Evans brings his stakes in copycat fashion, because a loser can only imitate greatness:

Evans-Stakes

Seachickens? Really? That’s all you could come up with?

omg

source

Try harder, Evans! I know you’re not a comedian like Pratt, but still… you had time to be clever or to phone a friend in order to be clever. If your Patsies performance is as dull as your wit, you better buy your flight now to save on airfare.

What this means for us

So, two Chrises are going to kill each other with kindness for that Sports Ball thing in a couple weeks… why should we care?

THE CELEBRATION OF THE MALE FORM IS WHY:

abs4eva

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CIVIL WAR MEMES REDONE IS WHY:

Seachickens

laugh

reallaugh

its-real

pratt-grin

CivilWar

sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Sorry

Dont

CivilWarsources: 1, 2, 3

WE ARE RUNNING A BEST MEME CONTEST, IS WHY!

That’s right, we are encouraging you to create your best Chris Evans vs. Chris Pratt superbowl bet meme and submit for entry. Memes must include some reference to these characters/humans pitted against one another in some way. That’s it. Be creative. Have fun. Kill us with Kindness!

Submit your meme in the comments section here or email it to [email protected].  I will include our resident Pats fan Amy in the judging to make it less biased.

Competition ends January 28th and winner will be announced January 30th in preparation for Sunday’s events.

We haven’t decided the prize yet, but I think epic glory of being featured as a WINNER on your own That’s Normal post basically sums up what we’re probably gonna do.

So, get your game day face on because…

Folks, it is

cap motorcycle

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Go Time!

headphones

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GO HAWKS! LEGION OF BOOM!

12 Comments

About Lorena

Lorena’s current obsessions: floppy eared dogs, north Iceland, red pepper jelly, Slytherin, Fena Gitu, Manchester United, Hogwarts Running Club, Lokane, Pittsburgh Penguins, Doctor Who, west coast IPAs, and Tillamook aged cheddar.

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