“How could this happen?” you say. “I loved this show so much!” you whine. “These are my favorite characters?” you lament. “I should love every last episode as much as much as I loved ‘The Midnight Ride’,” you cry up unto the heavens.
Yes, it would be great to love every last episode of your quirky cult-hit, kid. But I’m here to give you some tough love in the form of this message: that.is.not.gonna.happen.
I often mention the fact that I was a huge X-files fan back in the day, not only to prove my street cred as a crazy-ass fan girl in the time before the internets, but also because it gives me perspective on the whole “we are trying something really out there and it is soooooooo not always going to work” Like, way not gonna work. Like, a LOT of the time. Episodes so whack that even Scully was like:
Case in point: this week’s Sleepy Hollow “Deliverance.” The Tumblrs right now are like:
And you may be like:
But I’m here to hold your hair back while you crouch over the great porcelain throne known as “crappy episodes of uneven TV shows”, whlie whispering into your ear “it really wasn’t so bad.” It really wasn’t. And I’m here to walk you through this with a little help from the X-Files!
What Happened?
The spider-poison Henry fed to Katrina last week infected her body, but she is able to escape Henry’s devious goons with the help of the headless horseman (hmmmmm. VERY interesting!).
Abbie and Ichabod track K down, figure out she’s actually preggers (which I already know because I’ve watched TV before) with some kind of demon. For me, the scene that made this episode was in the church where Abbie, Katrina and Crane have taken refuge. Katrina is trying to convince Ichabod that Henry would see the light and save Katrina if he just felt the love!
says Abbie (except instead of “Mulder,” she says “Katrina”). Abbie is NOT buying this “love will save him” tagline, thinking that the only “love” that Henry can feel is that of killing the lot of them. There’s a wonderfully tense standoff between Crane and the laydies in his life.
Crane is able to finagle a meeting with Henry to show him some love, but it’s a no-go on the love-emo. Henry basically says:
Crane touches Henry, and catches a glimpse of the scared little boy he once was. Maybe he can save him still!
Up to this point it’s been an okay story where we finally get to see a prolonged interaction between Ichatrina, but here is where it really starts to fall apart.
A freaky trick of the light in a photo jogs Crane’s memory about Ben Franklin’s theory about the Aurora Borealis being caused by charged particles, mainly electrons and protons, entering the atmosphere from above causing ionisation and excitation of atmospheric constituents, and consequent optical emission having the power to banish evil from that which it shines on.
As if that is not enough fuck-wuckery, Franklin has fashioned a stone that replicates the Aurora’s magical powers. Crane and Abbie steal the magical stone, create a boreal effect using sunlight, and Katrina is saved!
Now that’s good stuff – a stone that filters light so it drives away evil? I like it! I just wish the stone, when hit by sunshine produced a healing Pink Floyd laser show! Or perhaps the specter of Elvis would appear, who could save Katrina by liberally applying his cocaine-infused sweat!
That could work too.
Neither of these things is any more ridiculous than the Aurora fighting evil, but they are WAY more amusing!
And that’s really the lesson here: when you are doing crazy shit, and start to take yourself too seriously, bad things happen! If only there was a show that had a similar level of supernatural ridiculousness that the folks of Sleepy Hollow could study in order to avoid the pitfalls? If only.
“So that does it, Sleepy Hollow!” says the internets. “I am NEVER watching you again!”
“What? Nick’s back next week? And he is being targeted by a succubusey-type thing? And she only targets men who have desire in their hearts? And Abbie is running to save him? Oh sweet baby Jesus – I AM SO IN!”
Just remember kids, for every sucky episode of the X-files (Fearful Symmetry, anyone?) there is a “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space,” and for every “Deliverance” there will be an episode of Sleepy Hollow that can only hope to be half as good as “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space.” Because, seriously, that genius cannot be topped.
Tune in next week, when Nick sez (to me)
How are you dealing with your episode feelings? What have you burned down? Will you be tuning in next week? What is on opposite of Sleepy Hollow? Is it any good?
