Okay, I’m going to admit something that will be a shock to no one who personally knows me: I know almost nothing about baseball. All I know is that you stand at a plate with a bat in hand, wait for a baseball to come your way, and swing with the hopes of hitting it. That pretty much sums up my knowledge of America’s favorite past time.
But this year, I stunned my family and friends: I watched the entire 2014 World Series.
Was it for the fierce competition between the Kansas City Royals and the San Francisco Giants? Was it for the rally of both teams coming back from losing games? Was it because I finally understood what all those damn numbers mean on the scoreboard?
I watched the World Series for one reason only: all the sexual innuendo that you know is defined in Urban Dictionary.
Now for die hard baseball fans, this post is not for you. In fact, you should probably skip this post, plan for your trip to spring training camp and coordinate your ticket schedules with your fantasy baseball league (Does that even exist?).
For the rest of us, here are my top five twisted baseball terms:
Anything added to the word “ball:” foul ball, fly ball, ball to the face, ball player (Thanks, Lorena for that suggestion), pretty much anything with the word ball
Seriously, did a 13 year old boy come up with this? There are so many balls!
Broken wood on the field
I know that the commentators mean that a player hit the ball (he he he) so hard (giggles again) that the bat broke. But really, do you have to say broken wood? Apparently there was a lot of broken wood during this game. Is that why there were so many Cialis commercials during the breaks?
A Swing and a miss
This pretty much describes my last date. A moment of silence, please.
I know I read this somewhere. Chances are it was in a book. Okay, it was a book most likely with either a shirtless highlander, a shirtless firefighter, or a shirtless ball player on the cover. I like variety.
Yes, he’s the darling of all SF Giants fans. Their new hero/demigod. But c’mon! Don’t tell me you didn’t chuckle a little bit each time Erin Andrews said it with a straight face! Break it down: Bum. Right there, I’ve stopped because you know you giggled. If not, let it marinate.
There were so many more, but to post them all would require me to pick up a cigarette and take an afterglow smoke, and I don’t smoke. Baseball fans, it was a great series (unless you’re a Kansas City fan. Sorry, Paul Rudd. I volunteer to dry your tears).
Until next time, play ball! (Still giggles)
What are your favorite Sexual Innuendo in Baseball Terms (or any other sport for that matter- “TIGHT END” anyone?)
Written by Julie
Julie’s Current Obsessions: Sangria. Anything Outlander. Reading great books more than once. Jimmy Fallon. J Crew Factory deals. Red Lipstick. The Civil Wars (R.I.P.). Atticus Finch. Taylor Swift’s 1989. Anthropologie. Dancing and not caring who sees. Instagram photo filters. Target’s Mossimo skinny jeans. Attempting French. Men’s forearms (don’t ask). Not getting over How I Met Your Mother’s series finale. The Twilight Soundtracks (yep, all of them). Audrey Hepburn. Find her on Twitter @julep0405