All of the men featured today are adrenaline junkies and Renaissance men (pronounced re-NAY-sance). They hurtle downhill at speeds of up to 74 MPH while doing things like 540 spins and zig-zagging through dense fields of slalom poles, but aren’t afraid to pull out the guitar and croon a country love song or be ridiculously adorable with kids. So hold onto your pants (I’m looking at you, Italians), ‘cuz here we go!
OhLaLa, Francais! Aluan Ricciardi – Half Pipe
This Jacob Black-looking young man is Aluan Ricciardi – a 6′-2″ Brazilian-born French snowboarder competing in the half pipe event. He has competed on the world stage in the Europa Cup, the X Games and the 2010 Winter Olympics. He is the only snowboarder to make the cut due to the fact that a) most snowboarders are about 12 years old, and b) they tend to subscribe to the “couch surfing” school of fashion that, if it were a smell, would reek of weed, B.O. and a hint of Febreeze. (But, seriously, you guys are great. We’ll feature you in our upcoming “Smells like Team Spirit” feature.)
For those of you unfamiliar with this event, the Olympic half-pipe is 550 feet long with 22′ high walls. Boarders travel at speeds of up to 40 mph and launch themselves another 20 or so feet up in the air. This event requires a great deal of acrobatic skill in order to execute a series of flips and rotations, while avoiding wiping out ‘agony of defeat’ style.
In order to keep limber, Aluan practices Capoeira, and is a great gymnast.
Oh yeah, he also surfs and plays guitar.
And wears cheesy fake moustaches with teammate Mathieu Crépel.
Due to the high likelihood of total disaster, the half-pipe event has a serious NASCAR vibe. I basically spend the entire time living the vicious “He’s going to die/He didn’t die!” cycle. (Seriously, I cannot figure out how they walk away from some of these crashes – BRUTAL!) So get your trucker hats out and prepare for some crash action!!
U.S.YAY! Andy Newell – Cross Country
Andy Newell is a cross country skier credited with making US cross-country skiing popular(-ish) again. He won a bronze medal in a World Cup Sprint in China, which is the highest slot the US has won since, like, the stone age (okay, the 1990’s). He competes in the sprints, which is an event that combines all of the speed of a downhill event with none of the momentum that downhill affords you. But to make up for having no downhill momentum, you also have to ski UPHILL. Oh, God, kill me now! You can watch a video of how hard this guy works (and get a sense of his quads) here.
As part of the Sochi team emails, we were bemoaning the fact that, unlike the summer athletes, it’s really hard to find shirtless pics of these guys. Not so with Andy. An image search of his name actually comes with a tab reading “Shirtless.” God bless you, sir! Let’s take a look, shall we?
Intense shirtless Andy:
Action shirtless Andy:
Tattooed Will-Sumner-body-looking shirtless Andy:
In addition to his considerable skill at forgoing shirts, Andy has released an album on which he sings and plays guitar, he competes in Xski jumping, he skateboards and also surfs.
Now, I know that Cross Country skiing doesn’t have the fast moving sex-appeal of its downhill cousins. However, it is actually fun to watch because of, well, editing, and it is essentially roller derby on skis (with poles taking the place of elbows). And the quads – don’t forget about the quads. So all these things, and the fact that I’m not the one who has to do it. And the sprints that Andy competes in are only 1.5km long (a little under a mile), so it’s a pretty fast-paced event that is worth checking out! Follow him at @andynewellskier.
Oh Canada! Brad Spence – Downhill Slalom
This is Canadian skier Brad Spence, and he is totally killing me! I mean, look at him! The hair! The eyes! The dimples! GAH!!
He competes in the Slalom and Super G events. Here’s a quick break-down of the differences among the downhill events:
- Downhill is the fastest event with the fewest gates.
- Super G is second fastest with more gates than downhill.
- Giant Slalom is third fastest with more gates than Super G.
- Slalom is fourth fastest with the most gates.
Downhill and Super G are considered the speed events, GS & Slalom the technical events.
Here he is in action:
Now let’s take a look at the many moods of Brad:
Cutie Cowboy:
Cali-looking boy (avec biceps):
And if that wasn’t enough (and I ASSURE you, it is), he also was a part of a super-duper sweet story involving a young fan. You’re gonna need your kleenexes for this one. I’ll wait. Ready?
Okay, back in 2011 an 8 year old superfan by the name of Gage Ferguson was concerned that Brad did not have sponsorship for his head. (Okay, I know that sounds kind of weird, but these athletes have companies who sponsor every piece of equipment.) Gage, who suffers from Aspbergers Syndrome, wrote this letter to Brad offering his life savings (an amount of $149.39) to Brad:
And a sponsorship was born! Here they are with Gage’s patch on Brad’s headgear on a flippin’ teddy bear no less:
According to Gage’s mom, “Gage becomes a different person around Brad – he thinks he can take on the world without second-guessing himself at all. He’s brave and he’s bold and he’s fearless.”
Oh, God the tears! The tears! For the love of Pete, why couldn’t you have just posed with kittens, Brad? Why?
Quick side note: in 2006 Brad was in a tremendous crash that tore up his leg and took a huge amount of time and effort to recover from. (Part of that recovery involved practicing yoga, but I cannot even go there due to the potential imminent dying on my part. Suffice it to say: there are youtube videos) Lest you think these guys are not seriously brave and/or crazy, take a look at this crash:
ICYMI, the annoucer mentioned he was going about 120km/hr which is over 70mph! Holy crap! If you need more of a Brad fix (admit it, you do), follow him on twitter (@bradcspence) and on Gage’s Facebook page here.
Buongiorno, Italia! Matteo Marsaglia (i amici) – Super G
These are the Italians, or as they are referred to in the Sochi team emails: OMFG the Italians! The Italians have solved the problem regarding the difficultly of finding documentation of winter athletes in anything but parkas by having underwear company sponsorship. Well played, Italians. Well played.
While all 3 of these gentlemen are lovely, I am going to focus on Matteo so that we’re not here all day. (Seriously, the Olympics are going to seem really short compared to this post.) Why pick him, you may ask?
Because this grin:
And this back:
AND THIS ASKDFJAAJ [keysmash]!:
Matteo hails from Rome. He’s competed in a few World Cup events in the Slalom, Downhill, Super G, Super Combined AND Giant Slalom. His personal best was 1st place in the Birds of Prey Super G at the World Cup in 2012, but this is his first appearance in the Olympics. You can watch his performance in the Val Gardena World Cup Super G competition here.
Slalom events fun fact: in order to avoid having the snow get all carved up throughout the day during competition, the course is actually iced over. Now, as a snowboarder this is my absolute nightmare condition (can you say “OW! I think I just broke my a**”?), yet these guys are able to keep it together at high speeds and on uneven terrain conditions.
And lest you think that the 3 above are the only fine-looking men on the Italian ski team, here is a team shot from Matteo’s Twitter:
To the long list of thing the Italians do well (concrete, carbohydrates, fabulous political chaos) I think it is safe to add ‘puts together rocking alpine ski team.’
In closing, all of these guys have suffered hellish injuries and big career setbacks and they just keep coming back. Which is totally inspiring to someone who seriously considers skipping the gym because I have to bike, like, a mile, and I just do not feel like it.
And as a reward for reading through to the end, one more:
source
OMFG!!!!!!
You’re welcome!
Snowboarding Halfpipe events begin February 11th
Super-G events begin February 16th
Downhill Slalom events begin February 19th
Cross Country Skiing events begin February 9th
Don’t forget to stop by same time next week for an entire post featuring hot hockey players! Courtney takes on the challenge of narrowing this massive list down to the top contenders.
She’s going for gold!
Who is your favorite athlete for skiing or snowboarding? Which kind of ‘shirtless Andy’ is your favorite? Which of Brad’s body parts would you sponsor? Do you know how to say “You seem to have something stuck in your pants. How can I help?” in Italian?
