Where we left off: After being kidnapped by the Freemasons, and almost offing himself to bring about the Horseman’s death, Ichabod’s blood tie with the horseman has been severed. The return of the Horseman is imminent, and Crane and Mills must be ready!
This week:
Historical Flashback: A group of men ride furiously pursued by the Horseman, who dispatches all but one by the name of Paul. (who, oh, who could that be?)
In the present, Crane has enlisted help of his Mason brothers to defeat the Horseman. Unfortunately, the Horseman gets to them before they can share their knowledge, and relieves them all of their craniums. Mills and Crane deduce that the Horseman will keep killing until he is reunited with his head, and raises the remaining Horsemen.
Yeah, that head.
Captain Irving retrieves the skull from evidence, and comes face to face (pun intended – seriously, if you guys aren’t going to go for the cheap head puns I will be forced to take it on). He narrowly escapes by ducking the hurled ax Matrix-style:
Go Mobius!
Mills and Crane then attempt to destroy the skull by the following means: sledgehammer, acid, TNT and sexy, inadvertent dance moves.
I call this the “jesuschristthatreallyfuckinghurt” strut
It is indestructible – immune even to the strut! Noooooooo!
The Horseman has left the heads of the deceased masons, made into lanterns and lined with silver. Crane knows that Paul Revere lined his lanterns with silver to make them shine brighter. According to Crane the real purpose of Paul Revere’s ride was actually to deliver a manuscript containing information on how to defeat the Horseman and evil itself!!! Hey, Horseman, in the future you may not want to leave threats that double as clues to figuring out how to destroy you – c’mon, use your head! (See how easy it is, Sleepy Hollow writers?)
The manuscript is on the internet (or as Crane calls it “the innanet”), and Crane engages in an epic battle with a laptop in order to free it. It is deeply coded, but fortunately Crane discovers that Revere has hidden the cipher password on the back of the horseman’s teeth. Because sunlight incapacitates the horseman all you need is a witch to turn moon into the sun to fry him! No problemo, except that they don’t happen have a witch on hand.
Crane arranges to meet with the Horseman in order to trap him. Crane, Mills and Irving go MacGyver in the tunnels rigging up UV lights, while Mills and Irving explain to an indignant Crane that Jefferson fathered children on his slave, Sally Hemmings.
Lured into the tunnels, Crane and Mills confuse the horseman with a series of fake skulls until getting him into position. Irving flips the lights on, the Horseman begins to sizzle and IC slaps the cuffs on him.
I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling police officers and that 200 year old guy!
Scorecard
Number of decapitations: 4 Masons, 1 Midnight Rider
Flashback headgear: Tricorne hats
Best earnestly delivered ridiculous line: Crane: “We must retrieve his head before he does.”
Captain Irving exasperation index: High! After discovering the truth about the Horseman, he is a little freaked.
Historical event explained through SH filter: The real purpose of Paul Revere’s ride, P.S. I TOTALLY predicted this 2 weeks ago here! From now on I will be making a killing trading on the wildly lucrative “Sleepy Hollow Plotlines” futures market. Suck it, day job!
Awesome Gothic font subtitles? Sadly, no.
Best special effect: Crane’s wig – it is a marvel of modern technology.
I want to touch it. Pleeeeze!
Most Hiliarious Crane vs technology moment: Crane is having trouble navigating the interwebz and ends up in a porn site, having the following exchange with an animated gif:
Relevant hyper-specialized knowledge that Crane happens to possess: Knowledge of how to crack a “Visioneer Cipher.” Fun tongue twister: Several Caesar Ciphers. Say it fast!
Most adorable Ichabbie moment: Straw sucking incident. I don’t really even understand what’s happening here, but it is off-the-charts adorable!
Shippiest moment: Crane and Mills discussing relationships in the face of so many secrets:
Crane: “That’s the sacrifice witnesses must make. All we really get is one another” Awwwwww.
Abbie wants to touch your wig too
For the win: Search for manuscript brings them to a local history museum in which Crane faces off with a hapless docent over the gross fallacies contained in his presentation of Paul Revere’s life. Crane goes berserk at the assertion that Revere rode into town yelling “the British are coming!” To which Crane exclaims “We, too, were British at the time, so that would be most unhelpful!”
Time for your medication, dear.
How to fangirl this episode: Change the name of your significant other in your phone, so when they call it looks like this:
