So, in trying to scramble to get ahead of all the holiday business that is swiftly becoming overwhelming for someone as scatterbrained as me, I decided to de-stress by refusing to partake in some of the holiday traditions that I’ve come to really resent for taking up my time.
1. The ornament swap
You know how these go, right? 45 women show up to exchange holiday decor with a Dirty Santa rotation, and at least 3 leave with scratch marks on their faces? Oh, how many of these I have attended!!! How many times have I trekked through Hobby Lobby 15 minutes before the shindig starts looking for something 50% off so I can pass off a $30 tchotchke with only a $15 price tag. And EVERY TIME, I come home with something that looks like a prop from the special Christmas episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. I have a good friend that puts on of these one every year, and I am the black sheep of that event, quietly chuckling in the corner at how serious these women take their place in the white elephant queue, making pop culture references that no one else but my best friend gets. And still, going home with the ugliest gift because I don’t care enough to “steal.” No longer. I will save my hard earned $ and buy the Hunger Games ornament from Hallmark that I wanted in the first place.
2. Overdecorating
I like having people over to my house. I like dinner parties, watching TV, talks with friends. I like for my kids to have sleepovers. I like Christmas lights. What I don’t like is the pressure I feel to coordinate every room with the same Christmas gingham. Or to forego teal and silver on the front door because we’ve decided to go with traditional colors in the foyer. EFF THAT NOISE. I reject your brand of satanism, Pinterest. This year, it’s Christmas tree, wreath, outside lights, gingerbread house, stockings. I mean, as long as I have some twinkle lights to get sezzzzzual under … all will be well in my world.
3. Feeling pressured to socialize
Every third person you know is throwing a party that sounds strangely like the exact same one you went to four days before. Your in-laws are having the cousins over for a sit-and-sing. Your mommy group is having a pinterest party (NO). Your neighborhood bar is having a brew night (ok, that one is a go). This year, I’m whittling it down to the low-key events thrown by the people I talk to in real life, not just the ones I troll on Facebook.
4. Watching movies I don’t like
Santa Buddies. Holiday Inn. Meet Me in St. Louis. Prancer. The Family Stone. The live-action Grinch. Reindeer Games. Christmas with the Kranks. Four Christmas (as if, Reese). I will NOT be partaking in these crap films again, family of mine. In fact, I’m using this post RIGHT HERE to make myself a list of all the Christmas tripe I will refuse to watch. This year it’s a rotation of ONLY THE BEST: Elf, A Christmas Story, Scrooge, Christmas Vacation, White Christmas, and Love Actually. Maybe Home Alone. Maybe.
5. The Christmas Program
I have either directed, starred in, sung in, written or produced a Christmas play or program every year since I was 15. They’ve ranged from full-scale productions of A Charlie Brown Christmas, to choir cantatas, to 12-number dinner theaters. So.Tired. Last year, I put so little effort into it, that it was just me and my kids doing the 12 Days of Christmas at church. This year I am not even bothering being the Partridge in a Pear Tree. I will go see A Christmas Carol and call it a day.
So here is what I will do this holiday season
Focus on what matters.
Santa. Because I have children and nothing is better than getting spin around and fall down excited about SANTA.
Listen to this song
Every day, ad nauseum.
Embrace my talents.
Just because it sounds like I won’t be going to a lot of parties, doesn’t mean I won’t have fun at the ones I do attend.
Search for the perfect gifts
There is a strange sense of superiority that comes from knowing you one-upped someone with your gift-buying skillzz. It’s what the holidays are all about.
Make a ton of this
… because it makes my kids feel like every night is Christmas, and making them happy makes me happy. Which is why I won’t be doing all that other horrible stuff.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
